308 First Wife


So what was a less than stellar episode in 307 was more than made up for in this one. This is another benchmark episode everyone was waiting for. Once again, the production team nailed it. I was very happy to see the essence of the story brought to life by the actors and writing team. This one hit all the high notes from the chapters from Voyager, and I think it made a lot of the fans very happy. There was certainly less grousing about changes in this one as opposed to the outcry many made about the last episode.

So let’s get down to it and see how things played out, shall we?

1. The intro gets us into the action really quickly. There are no extraneous bits in the rapidity of Claire’s meeting with the Murray clan. She sees Lallybroch and something doesn’t sit right with her.

Bringing the prodigal son back does little to soften the blow of Claire’s arrival after twenty years. Jenny just stares at her for a while before saying, “You’re back then. When Ian told me you were alive, you could have knocked me down with a feather.” Claire’s all, “Yeah, so what now?”

Obviously, they are all keeping a secret here, and Claire can sense it. I think they’re waiting for Jamie to tell her about that secret because nobody is giving anything away here. Jenny goes to young Ian and gives him a hug before slapping the nonsense out of him. “You gave us a fright. We were worried about you.”
“I sent word, and you kent where I was,” Ian starts, but his father butts in and says, “Shut up if you know what’s good for you. You don’t want to make it any worse than it already is by talking.”

I get it, Ian. I’ve been in that position before with parents. Many of us have. The best course of action is to admit you were wrong and take your beating. Don’t worry, they love you. It’s just you’re a clot hied sometimes, and you need to be disciplined from time to time.

As they go in the house, Jamie’s doing that nervous finger thing. And I would be nervous too, considering what awaits him when Jenny Murray gets tuned up.

2. Inside, the long-awaited argument between Jamie and Jenny ensues. I love the chemistry between these two. And since he’s a guy, he’s totally in the wrong here. Firstly, he didn’t tell Ian that young Ian was with him. He didn’t send word that the kid was alright.

The word for the day is “Wee”, as in little, small, insignificant. Also, let’s see how many times during this episode we can say “Wee”, shall we?

So immediately, Ian tries to defend himself. But he goes one bit overboard when he mentions a fire at the print shop.

“Wee fire?” Ian says, “You wouldn’t be standing here if it was wee.” Jenny jumps in, “So that’s why you’re back, tail draggin’, because you’ve got nothing left.” She looks at Claire like a woman who’s smelled something bloody disgusting, then says, “And wi’ a stray.”




“There was an exciseman trying to extort money out of me. Everything would have been alright, but the heat was on.” Jamie tries to explain. Then young Ian says, “Then Claire came back and first thing right away killed a guy. It was awesome!”


“Out. Now,” says Jenny. Then when the kid has left, she looks at Claire and asks, “So you killed a man in front of my boy?” And Claire’s all, “Well, not in front of him, but yeah, I did. Claire Fraser is back, I guess. Oh, but it was self-defense. I did try to save the guy, kind of. I mean, there were drills and scalpels and stuff. Damn eighteenth-century medicine!”

“Oh, while we’re listening to tall tales maybe we should gather around the fire,” Jenny retorts. “I know you, the Claire Fraser I knew wouldn’t try to save a guy.”

All the while during this episode, I’m wondering why all the hostility toward Claire. Ian is cool with her, but Jenny is just being a tool about it. She should be overjoyed about her return, but then, I remember, oh yeah. There’s a reason this is called First Wife. Because the second wife is right around the corner.

“Ian was doing alright until everything went tits up,” Jamie says. “He was earning a wage and learning a trade.”
“It would have been fine if you taught him the printing trade. Consorting with criminals, hoors, and going to taverns is earning a wage?” Jenny says. And I’m thinking, “That’s kind of how I spent the better part of my teens, yeah?”

“I promise you, I treated him like my own son,” Jamie says with pride. Ian says, “Then you can discipline him like your own son.” He strips off his belt and hands it to Jamie. But Jamie has a better idea.

And the next scene has young Ian making something out of manure.

SIDE NOTE: My book purist is coming out here. I really wanted to see Jamie go out and thrash young Ian. And have him do the same to Jamie. This was such a wonderful scene from the book. And I can understand why they took it out, but come on, man. It would have been hysterical.

3. While Ian is making Dung Cakes and being mocked by his sister, Ian and Jamie have a heart to heart. Jamie apologizes to him, and Ian’s all, “Yeah, that’s cool.” and it’s back to besties for these two. Because that’s how guys do it. They don’t hold a grudge over stuff like this. Now if there was a woman involved, holy hell, watch out.

4. Inside, Jenny is trying to herd the grandchildren while Claire looks on. The ladies are catching up on who had the most grandchildren when Wee Jamie Murray comes down holding another Wee baby. (BTW, yes, I’m going to hammer that all through this recap so stop now if you don’t like reading the word Wee.)

I notice here that Jenny is trying to avoid eye contact with Claire. And Laura Donnelly is doing a bang up job with this role here. She’s just fun to watch. Whenever I read the books, I can only see her in that part now. She is an awesome actress!

Jamie Murray hands off the child to Jenny and says, “Gotta go say hello to uncle.” Jenny says, “I have to change this baby’s diaper.”


Oohh, have you got some ointment for that burn, Claire? Jenny is hardcore throwing shade at Claire all through this episode and I love her for it.

5. Later, while Jenny is doing laundry outside, Jamie comes to chat with her. He tells her young Ian has done his penance, and Jenny’s all, “So you know how to raise bairns, now?”

“Fair point,” Jamie says. “But I know what it’s like for a teenager growing up on a farm. He’s a man, now. You should treat him like one. He should be given his freedom, while he still thinks it’s yours to give.”

“Listen to you, giving advice to me,” she says. “You must know it’s a mortal sin to keep a wife while the other one still walks the earth.”

“If I had known she would come back, I wouldn’t have married again,” Jamie says. Jenny is a bit peeved that he didn’t share his grief with her, but he tells her that he didn’t want to speak of it with her. Jenny presses him on what happened.
“Well, it has nothing to do with time travel, that’s for sure,” Jamie says. “Actually, I sent her away, because I thought I would die at Culloden. Which I didn’t, by the way. I sent her away to safety and the British came to the village she was in and slaughtered everyone. I thought she was dead. Little did I know she actually got to the colonies. She thought I was dead, so there’s that. Again, nothing to do with time travel.”

“Listen, boyo,” she says. “I sat with her for days watching for your return after that time you spent with the Watch. We went out to try to find you. The Claire I know would never have stopped looking for you.”

And she’s right. I mean, come on, Jamie. You knew the truth of it. You sent her away to the twentieth century, knowing she had a way back to you. She was still alive as far as you knew. It was only a matter of time since your love was so strong. All you had to do was wait. Or leave notes, or drop a few hints along the way that you were alive. Duh! Foolish highlander. Now, you’ve got yourself ina wee pickle, don’t you, Ginger?

6. That night, Jamie and Claire are talking about what to do next.

“We could tell Jenny the truth,” Claire says, “You know, about me being a Timelord.” And Jamie says, “No, she’d never buy it. You may as well make her believe in mermaids.”

“But we told Murtagh,” she says. “He believed it.” and Jamie says, “Yeah, but that was Murtagh. He was a superhero. Jenny, not so much.”

“Only the superhero of throwing shade,” Claire says. “If she loves you, she loves you. If she doesn’t, you may as well be her worst enemy. If I don’t tell her the truth, there’s always going to be this wall between us. I mean, I’m not even in the friend zone with her.”

Jamie says, “I still can’t believe you’re really here. I went looking for you once when I escaped Ardsmuir.”

Then he tells her of the meeting with Duncan Kerr. And how the old man told him of the Frenchman’s gold and the white witch. Then we are shown a flashback of Jamie swimming to Selkie island, thinking he would find Claire, but finding the gold instead. So he took one of the gems for the watch commander and left the rest because he couldn’t go anywhere with it anyway.

Then we get a lovey-dovey scene where Claire tells him that every time she heard birds singing, she thought it was him talking to her. And we’re all, Aww… but there’s tension brewing here.

Now, Jamie decides to tell her about the other woman. He says, “I wanted to talk to Ned Gowan before I told you but I fell like I must tell you now.“ She says, “Ned is still alive? Awesome. But why do you need Ned the head?“

He wants her to listen because he can finally tell her the truth. But the truth barges in the door and doesn’t let him finish.

“Daddy?” says a young red-haired lass. And the blond woman behind her says, “Daddy, who is this woman?”

Well, you may have just smacked Claire upside the head with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire because this is the last thing she would have imagined.

7. Nope, scratch that.



This is the last thing she would have imagined.

Claire is speechless. Like literally, cannot say a word she is so surprised. She can’t even form a coherent thought because the horror of this whole incident has completely shut her down mentally.

“How could you, Jamie Fraser?!” She screams. “Go behind my back and slip your prick in that hoor?”

Then she turns on Claire, saying “We‘re married now, you adulterous bitch! He’s mine! Stay away from him and get ye gone to the hell you came from, witch!” And then she uses the C-Word, which is totally uncalled for, and I wondered if that word was in common use back then? Someone correct me on that if you would.

Leghair is screaming, Jamie is screaming, and then the girl says, “I hate it when mommy and daddy fight.”

Jamie tries to hold her back from Killing Claire. “Go, I’ll explain!” he says to Claire, and he pushes Leghair out of the room.

Claire is left like

the look.jpg

8. Downstairs, Jamie consoles young Joan that he will always love her. This is an adult thing right now, and it’s all pretty complicated even for the adults. It’s true. Who has ever been put in that position? Except for characters in a DG novel, that is? So he tells her to go back with Marsali and her mother. He’ll straighten everything out, and the girl gives him a big hug and he’s left with this guilt-ridden look on his face.

9. He goes upstairs to find Claire packing her bags. She’s going to leave. She’s had it with #TeamJamie. And for good reason.

“I can explain,” he tells her. She’s all, “Dude, you lied to me, the time for explanations is over. I’m out.” and we don’t blame her. She didn’t come back for this. Mary MacNabb, she would have understood, maybe, but not this.

“The marriage to Leghair was a mistake,” he starts. But she’s having none of it. “Oh, fine time to realize that, when you already had two kids with her.”

chilren meme.jpg

“We haven’t even lived together,” Jamie says. He goes on to explain that Leghair was a widow, and he was trying to protect her bairns. Besides, he goes on, “You told me to be nice to her.”

“I told you to thank her,” Claire says, with a look of incredulity, “Not marry her. God, are you stupid? Did you forget she tried to have me killed that one time?”

Then she goes to the door and he stops her. “I’m not letting you go. Not until you let me explain.” She’s all, “You told me about your son, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

And he opens up because he’s got nothing to lose, really. “Because I’m a coward,” he says. “I didn’t want to lose you again, after having you gone for the first time. Do you know what it’s like, living half a man and trying to exist in the bit that’s left?”

“Yes, I fucking know,” Claire yells. “What did you think Frank and I went back to being peaches and cream? And what is it with both of my husbands falling for blonde harlots? I’m Wonder Woman here, and you guys are going for Batgirl?”

“I was prepared to die with you at Culloden. Do you forget that? But no, you sent me away. And I come back to this?” She says. “Do you blame me for sending you away? All the times I thought of you, bedding with Frank, letting him hold OUR child, and hating you for it!”

Well, there’s more yelling and shouting, and then he grabs her and plants a wet one on her. He tells her he loves her, throws her on the bed and kisses her again. Then she gets into it, because this is a sexually charged scene, and soon they’re on the floor calling each other names and tearing each other’s clothes off until halfway through, Jenny throws a pitcher of water at them.

“Y’all need to stop rutting like pigs, the whole house can hear you. Have ye’ no shame?” she says.

10. Claire is staring into the fireplace, wishing this was all a tall tale. Wee Janet comes to her and offers Claire a wisky, which Claire gladly takes because what better way to soothe the nerves than alcohol. Especially at this time, after learning her husband had married a woman who had her put on trial for being a witch.

“I apologize for creating such a stir in the house,” she tells Janet. And Janet’s all, “No prob. I should say sorry to you. I told Leghair you were here.” I didn’t know it would cause such a kebblewebble, or something. (For the life of me, I would love that word if I could understand it. Please, someone, tell me because, in 5 viewings, I still couldn’t understand what she said.)

“Why did you do it?” She asks Janet. And the girl says that her mother told her to. Oh, really? And just like that, I’m no longer friendly to Jenny Murray.
Jenny comes in carrying a pail because naturally, it’s the sister’s place to clean up the fight your brother and sister-in-law had.

“So what gives?” Claire confronts her. “Why did you tell Leghair about this whole thing?” And Jenny’s on her like a shot.

“I couldn’t stand having my sister in law get blindsided with the reappearance of my other sister in law, you dig?” Jenny answers. Claire tells her she just wants to be part of the family again, but Jenny throws it back in her face.

“Family writes letters. They don’t just disappear or get stuck in time.” She says.

time trav.jpg

Well, Claire comes up with a story on the spot that seems to soothe Jenny a bit. Claire tells her of a husband in Boston, and how he didn’t have any kids. He lived for twenty years, and he was kind of a dipshit, but it was a survival thing. When he died, she came back to tell Jamie’s grave what had happened, and lo and behold, I found him alive. Isn’t that serendipitous?

Jenny’s like, “Pull the other one, it’s got bells on. Until you can tell the whole truth, we can’t be friends.” Then she turns on her heels and goes upstairs.

11. In the den of iniquity formerly populated by a screaming married couple, another married couple has a more subdued conversation. Jenny and Ian talk about the situation while Jenny picks up the pieces of the previous occupants’ knock down drag out.

Ian tells her that Jamie is in the stables and Claire is in the guest room. “If mother were here, this would kill her all over again,” Jenny says. But Ian says how this is her fault.

“How is it my fault? He’s the one married to two women,” she says. “Am I the only one angry about this?” Ian says, “You’re always stirring the shit pot. Sometimes it’s okay to let things go. Why can’t you let Jamie be happy? You pray for it every night.”

“Does this look like happiness?” She asks.

characters meme.jpg

12. The next day, Claire is all dressed to leave. She’s got the bat suit on, and her bag of necessaries over her arm. Jamie tries to stop her. But she’s not having any of it. She wants him to let her go.

“You said we could have secrets, but not lies. Those are your words, Jamie.” and this was a whopper. Jamie, did you honestly think that she would stay after she found out you were married to her mortal enemy?

“There was always one love, Claire. And that was you,” he says.

Well, that’s all Leghair had to hear, because she comes around the corner of the house with a gun. A hand cannon, actually. She’s all, “I’ve heard enough. I’m going to end this woman.”

Jamie steps in front of Claire, trying to get Leghair to put down the gun. “We weren’t happy, Leery,” he explains. “Maybe it wasn’t happiness, but you were mine. You provided for me!”

But before she can go on, the gun goes off and Jamie is in the way of the bullets. Leghair tries to go to him but Lady Jane just pushes her away and gives her this look


13. In the dining hall of Lallybroch, Claire leads Jamie to the table and tells the others what happened. She is the practiced surgeon now, and everyone goes to grab water, towels, bandages, and Claire’s med kit form her bag out front.

Then she goes all Claire Fraser, MD on him. Tis but a scratch, he says, but one pellet has gone deeper than that. It rests close to an artery, and if she hits it he’ll bleed out and there’s nothing she can do about it.

During the surgery, young Ian remarks on her scalpels. “That’s a fancy set of knives you’ve got there, Auntie,” he says. “Yes,” she says, “I got them from a guy named Bill Moran, in Boston, he’s a master cutler.”

Soon, she’s done with the delicate operation and Ian hands her a wiskey. “He can’t have any,” she says. But Ian is all, “It’s for you, auntie.” and she gladly takes it, because her default state is inebriated.

Later, a half-naked Jamie Fraser wakes up and says, “You should have let me die. It would have been easier.” and she grabs a chair and says, “Okay, spill it. What gives?”

And he’s all, “Are you still angry?” and she says she never stopped being angry. Of course not, Claire. This is a lot to take in here. Get an explanation, and then decide what you’re going to do.

So he goes into another flashback to his days after Helwater where he met Leghair at a Hogmanay dance. He felt sorry for her, being twice widowed and with two daughters. So he married her and tried to make a marriage work. When it was revealed to him that Leghair wouldn’t really let him touch her, and she was afraid most of the time, he couldn’t take it and left. He fled to Edinburgh where he worked as a printer and sent money back. That’s all.

This seems to make Claire a bit happier, but then she reaches out to him she realizes he’s got a fever. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hot, you bloody Scot?” she says, as she goes to get more medicine.

“I thought it was the heat of shame, Sassenach,” he explains. Then she comes back with her penicillin syringes and he’s all, “Dude, what’s that?” and she says, “Remember Germs? This takes them away, now roll over on your side.”

Why do you need to stick it in my bum if my arm hurts?” he asks.


14. Later, Jenny and Claire have a heart to heart. It’s mostly girl talk, and Jenny can’t understand why Claire doesn’t tell her the truth about why Claire came back.
It’s always going to be a sticking point in their friendship. Jenny brings up the lame horse analogy, and Claire’s all, “Yeah, that’s pretty dark, care to choose something where a living creature doesn’t die?“

Jenny only wanted to see Jamie happy. Claire is all, “I only know I love your brother very much. I loved you too. I just want to be friends again.”

Jenny nods a bit, so there’s that. Whether they’re going to be friends in future relies heavily on if something bad doesn’t happen to the family ever again.

SIDE NOTE: I feel like in the truncation of these episodes, the writing staff is really missing out on the chance to give Young Ian a few of his more signature ‘Punchlines’ as I call them. The way he introduced Ned Gowan was hysterical. He comes running to the priest’s hole and says, “He’s here, and it’s bad, ma’,” or something like that. Then, Jenny says, “Did he bring a gun?” Ian replies, “No, it’s worse than that. He’s brought a lawyer!” Naturally, I’m paraphrasing here, but throughout the books, he’s got a bunch of those types of lines. And each one comes at a heightened emotional scene. I soo wanted that to be in the show.

15. Ned Gowan! Claire sees him coming down the hallway to meet Jamie and she is overjoyed. He doesn’t look like he’s aged a day. When Claire asks him what his secret is, he tells her, “I never married.”

Ned tells Jamie and Claire that the second marriage to Leghair is invalid. Which is a relief. Since she had a gun and it’s outlawed she could get indicted for attempted murder and owning a pistol in the first place. Jamie asks, “What could happen to her if that happened?” And Ned answers, “She could be sent to the colonies. Virginia, most like.”



But Jamie says, “Let’s just let her have her freedom, what does she want?” Ned says, “Well, she wanted you castrated and your bollocks hung over her mantle, but there’s a number I’m going to write down. You’re going to look at it, scoff, and then I’m going to say yes, that’s what she wants. Then your life with your first wife can go on back to normal, albeit slightly less wealthy than before.”

16. “Twenty pounds?” Jenny scoffs. “How are you going to find that kind of money?”

Jamie explains, “She wants ten pounds a year to keep up the house too. But I have an ace in the hole, or rather, a money chest in a hole. All I have to do is swim out there and get it.” Claire says he’s in no condition to swim, so that’s where Young Ian comes in.

“I am a bonny swimmer,” he says. I can do it. “Yes, let him do it,” Jamie says, “What can possibly happen? Hell, I did it like ten years ago, and I didn’t have a problem with it. And I was undernourished and starving then.”

“What are you going to do with all that money?” Jenny asks. “It’s not like we can sell gold doubloons on the open market in Edinburgh, ye ken?”

Jamie explains that he’ll go to Paris and meet with Jared. He’ll take the jewels, trade them for sterling, and then send them back to Lallybroch. Then, we’ll pay off the Leghair debt, start a home here on the outskirts of Broch Turach and live happily ever after.

“Oh, and I want to take young Ian,” he says. “And don’t worry, he won’t have anything bad happen. He won’t be consorting with hoors and criminals. I’ll bring him around to only polite society. You’ll see.”

Jenny relents, “Best to give him his freedom, while it still seems like it’s mine to give.”

17. Jamie and Claire are on the cliffs looking out over Selkie Island, watching young Ian swim to the shore. When they see he is there, they have a talk. Claire opens up that maybe they have too much baggage between them to make it work. she says, “I had a life in the twentieth century. I had a daughter who loved me, a medical career, hot and cold running water, and an absence of blonde harlots shaking up my love life.”

“But you didn’t have me, sassenach,: Jamie says. “Besides, we can make it work. everything is ironed out. All my baggage has been neatly tied up. We are married, I love you.”

But she is still unbowed. “Maybe we just don’t have anything in common anymore.” She says. Then he says this iconic line, “Will you risk the man I am, for the sake of the man you knew?”

She’s all,


Just then, she looks out and sees a ship on the horizon, heading toward the island. Young Ian can be seen through the telescope, the proud owner of the box of treasure. But it’s too late. Men in a rowboat come to get him. Jamie and Claire run off to the shore, just in time to see the kid get kidnapped. Their hopes and dreams for a better life are dashed on the rocks.

I love the last part where they just stand there, like


And then the credits roll.


Now here it is, your Jamie Mooney Eye Pic of the week.





307 Creme De Menthe

Hey folks! Welcome back to another recap. You know, sometimes, there’s an episode of a tv show that doesn’t hit on all cylinders for me. Just like the “Fly” episode of Breaking Bad, there’s always an episode that just doesn’t hit the mark. This one seemed like a filler episode for me. It’s not that I don’t like it, trust me. Like “The Watch” episode in season 1, there’s something about it I don’t really like.

Now, I’m not a book purist by any means. And I’m not saying they phoned it in here. I think they had a benchmark episode they had to put a lot of resources into last week, and it took away from the following. Episode 6 was the “Entrance of Negan and killing XXX” episode. Everything went downhill after that. I hope and pray it doesn’t happen with our favorite time-traveling romance drama.

Anyway, enough preamble. Let’s get to it. This episode gets a B+ from me. Maybe if I watch it again without interruptions, I’ll have another take on it.

1. So here’s our fair damsel in distress getting roughed up by Baldy Excise Man. He throws her on the bed and she grabs a knife. He chuckles, like, What is a woman going to do? Apparently, you haven’t met this particular woman yet. This is Claire Fraser, MD, and Brit Killer extraordinaire.
So she stabs him when he gets too close and he says, “Well, I was going to fuck you, now I’m just going to kill you.” and I’m thinking, “Good Luck! If Jack Randall couldn’t do it, what makes you think no-name NPC lackey can?” She’s on the bed and he goes to get her again, but he dodges out of the way of another stab, loses his footing, and goes down on the fireplace mantle with a scrunching thud.
And it’s lights out for Baldy. But then Jamie comes in, sees the scene and surmises that the situation has been wrapped up just right.


He’s all, “What happened?” and Claire explains the guy attacked her and he was looking for Jamie’s ledgers. But then he fell and knocked himself out. But then, baldy coughs and shows signs that he’s alive. Well, Doctor Claire Fraser goes into full action of saving a life.

Jamie says, “What are you doing?” and Claire’s all, “Duh, trying to save his life.” Jamie stands there for a second trying to process this information. “But he just attacked you, why?” and Claire says matter of factly, “I’m a doctor. It’s kind of my thing, now.”

Claire, I get it, I really do. But this is a different time, something that Jamie doesn’t have time to tell her when the door knocks and Jamie opens it to find Fergus and Jeanne.

Jeanne is shocked there’s a guy in the room and it’s not a customer. Claire says she was attacked and Baldy is still alive. Jamie says, “Let God take him,” and Claire is all, “I have to try to save his life. Please help me.”

Jamie’s anger is rising here, because he’s a man of the eighteenth century and no stranger to death. Claire is a woman of the twentieth century and hates anyone to die, even if it’s a guy who just tried to take her life. Damn that Hippocratic oath!

So she gives Jeanne a list of things to get, and says she has to go to an apothecary to get some meds.

Jamie roots through the guy’s pockets and finds identification showing he’s an excise man. He’s all, “Damn, Sir Percival must be wanting to find the casks and make true on his promise to get more money because I’ve been expanding my business to other towns.” Claire is seriously wondering what her husband has been up to all this time while she’s been away.

So jamie sends Fergus out to gather the lads. Jeanne tells Claire that she’ll send up a discreet woman to clean up the mess, and then they leave.

2. An Argument Is Brewing.

Jamie says, “This guy doesn’t deserve your mercy.” and Claire is all, “I have to try and save him. Once he’s stable you can turn him over to the authorities.” and Jamie scoffs.

“Listen, I don’t think you understand where you are, Sassenach. This is a different time. If the authorities come in and find you in a brothel, they’ll mistake you for a hoor (again). They’ll arrest you for assaulting a king’s officer. You’ll be hanged.”

“I’ll have to make it quick, then,” she says. Jamie’s losing his cool quickly here. He picks up a gun and says, “Stubborn as always. Do what you must, but I have casks to get rid of. I’ll send a guy up to take care of this dude while you’re away.” but then as he leaves, he gives her this look that tells her, “We’ll talk later.”

2. In the basement, Mr. Willoughby says that he admires a woman who respects the sanctity of life. So Jamie tells him that he can go up and keep the guy company while Claire goes to the apothecary.

There’s general talk about why Claire would be trying to save the guy’s life. One of the dudes says, “I’d love to murder him. Been wanting to take out an exciseman for a while.” which is shorthand for wanting to kill an agent of the British crown. Fergus says, “Claire has always been a unique woman.” True dat Frenchy.

Talk turns to the print shop. What if Percival tries to take a look there. “I don’t keep casks there,” says Jamie. “But you do keep other things there,” says Skinny Boy. “Yeah, but he doesn’t know that, and they’re well hidden. That is unless my boneheaded nephew does something stupid like going to the print shop wi’ a hoor.”

Speaking of boneheaded nephews, he turns to young Ian and says “Go sell the casks. Get whatever you can out of them.” Ian says he won’t disappoint his uncle, and Jamie’s all, “That’s why I trust you with this.”

3. At the apothecary, Claire meets a man whose sister is suffering from nervousness and a weak mind. But this is Claire Fraser, and if we know one thing about this woman, she doesn’t wait while NPC’s prattle on. “Dude, I’ll treat your sister for anything she wants. I’m trying to save a guy’s life here.

“For free? Because of my generosity?” he says. Claire is all, “Whatever, that’s fine.” Then she tells the apothecary what she needs.

“What’s all this for?” he asks. “Oh, just a head wound. Can you make it quick? I’m trying to do my doctor thing, here.” Two shillings later, Claire pulls out an enormously large coin purse. The old guy next to her looks like a starving man eyeing a Christmas turkey.

Turns out the old guy is Archibald Campbell. And his sister Margaret suffers from dementia or visions or something that makes her rave like a madwoman. He tells Claire where they live and she can drop by anytime.

4. Turns out young Ian has spent points on haggling and diplomacy. There’s a guy who looks strangely like the blacksmith from the Wedding episode.

same guy.jpg

They go back and forth on pricing. Ian wants seventy-five crowns for the liquor. The guy says “Fifty, and no more. I know the risk I’m taking on here. But Ian wants seventy-five. So he throws in three casks of Crème De Menthe. The dude relents and gives him the coin. Then he says, “I’ll send up a couple of guys stronger than you because you’re kind of a wiry pipsqueak.”

Then talk goes to Auntie Claire. Fergus explains that he remembered her from before.


“Yes, but if she killed en, they must have deserved it,” Ian says. “But now she’s gotten us into a bit of a pickle, no?” Ian’s nod says it all.

5. Back at the subplot that could have ended about twenty minutes ago, Claire comes in to find the guy has woken up and Jamie has had to tie him down and keep him gagged. She’s all, “Dude, what happened?” and Jamie explains that he woke up while she was gone. And I’m wondering, “Why didn’t you kill him while Claire was gone?”

“Dude, you have to keep him quiet!” she says. Jamie asks if she knows a better way, and Claire gives the guy some laudanum which calms him down right away.

Then the door knocks, and it’s the second to last person Jamie wants to see or hear from. Percival has come to visit and is asking for Jamie. So he leaves Claire and Mr. Willoughby to resolve the overlong ‘Save the Excise Man’ subplot.

6. Downstairs with all the hoors parading about half-naked, Percival and a Wiry Looking scoundrel wait for Jamie.

“So what are you here for, Percy?” Jamie asks. “A midday romp?”

Percival says, “No, you know why we’re here. You’re hiding something from me and not keeping up with our bargain.” But the Wiry Looking dude is all, “Maybe we could do the whole hoor thing after we get done, aye?”


Jamie says, “You’re free to look, but you won’t find anything.” and Percival says we’ll see.

7. Upstairs, Claire is trying to save the Subplot. She takes out a bunch of surgical equipment that apparently was lying around the brothel. Because I know she didn’t bring that with her in the Batsuit. Then she takes out a huge drill and we are subjected to Surgical Noises as she grinds it into the man’s skull.

Ye Ten Cho looks on in wonder as she tries to unstop the blood clot on the guy’s brain.

8. Downstairs, Percival and the Wiry guy are escorted into the basement where they find a patch of liquid on the floor. When it turns out to be water, Jeanne explains, “Yeah, we have leaky pipes. That’s why I can’t store anything down here. Duh!”

So, defeated, the guys start to leave. “I know you’re up to something, but I’m too stupid to figure it out. I’ll be watching, you Mr. Malcolm!”

9. Jamie comes into the room and sees Claire is sad. Mr. Willoughby says “Honorable wife tried her best, but she couldn’t save the man’s life.” Jamie is all, “Great, I’m not going to mourn for a guy who tried to kill my wife. Go get Leslie and Hayes to get rid of the body.”

So Cho leaves and Jamie and Claire have a heart to heart about medical care from different time periods. Claire is all, “If we were in Boston, with a real surgery room I could have saved him.” and Jamie’s all, “Uh, yeah, you’re in the eighteenth century, lass. Here, you’re lucky if you don’t die from getting a splinter infection. You do realize you’re not in 1968, right?”

Claire says she knows, but that doesn’t make it any harder. She’s spent the last fourteen years trying to respect human life and save lives, but it turns out that it’s harder here than she thought. Then she says, “I’ve caused you so much trouble.”


He tells her “The last twenty years I’ve been living in the shadows. But when you came back, it’s as if the sun returned and cast out the darkness.” and I’m all, “Dude, too much. Really? Way to make it harder for other guys, Fraser!”

Then she says she has another patient to see. Jamie asks who it is, and Claire says, “Margaret Campbell. She’s gone barmy, and needs me to check her out.”

Jamie, ever the protector, says she doesn’t know these people. He’ll send Fergus with her. She says, “Like you said, I’ve crossed thousands of miles and two hundred years to get to you. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine getting across town.”

“You’ll come back?” he asks. And he looks like maybe she won’t because this whole eighteenth-century experience may have turned her off and maybe she want proper surgical equipment and hot and cold running water again.

“Duh, yeah!” she says, because, all that aside, why wouldn’t any red-blooded woman come back to Jamie Mooney Eye Fraser?

10. Then it’s on to Fergus and Ian in a tavern talking about girls and sex and how one time Fergus had a spiritual experience with two women at the same time. Because Fergus. I mean, look at that kid. He’s probably swimming in ladies. And that manage a trois was when he was like fifteen or something.

Ian says he’s never had a woman before and he doesn’t know what to do. So Fergus tells him to basically get them drunk, tell them they’re the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen, and the most important part, repeat as needed. But don’t let them pass out because then the night is over.

Well, as it happens, there is a girl that Ian has his sights on, so Fergus calls her over then says to Ian, “You‘re on your own. I gotta bounce.”.
The barmaid comes to the table and Ian is like a deer in the headlights. She says, “What can I get you?” and he’s all, “Nothing…”

“Nothing? Your friend just called me over,” she says. And then Ian can’t hold back anymore and says, “You’re the bonniest lass I’ve ever seen. Have a drink with me, anything you want.” So she sits down and smiles and says, “Wiskey.” Ahhh, a girl after Ian’s heart.

SIDE NOTE: I really wanted this whole sex thing to happen after the bookshop burned like in the book. It was so much more hysterical. But who am I, not a book purist, that’s for sure.

Meanwhile, back in the corner, there’s Oily Guy watching with delight because he’s going to follow young Ian to find the contraband liquor and be the hero to his buddy sir Percy.

11. Claire goes to the Campbell’s and finds Margaret hunched over a table, unresponsive. Turns out, Archie’s been giving her laudanum. He tells Claire, that’s the only thing that works to stop her ravings. When Claire goes to see what’s wrong, the woman yells out a helping of gibberish.

raving woman

Claire says, “No more laudanum,” and makes it clear that it will do bad things for her. Turns out, these two are a traveling fortune teller team. And if Margaret accosts people in the street and tells them their fortune, they don’t make any money. He wants people to come to them so they can earn coin. Because bilking strangers for hard earned cash is kind of their thing.

Claire gives Archie a list of things he can give her, and most involve herbal teas. “We can’t do that, we need tonics for the voyage ahead. We’re going to the West Indies. And I’m afraid she won’t be able to take the trip.

“Why not?” Claire asks. And Archie says, “Because if the sailors hear about a madwoman on the ship, they may throw her overboard.”

“Fair point,” says Claire.

12. Ian and Bonnie Barmaid are in the print shop and Ian is trying to sing to her. Trying being the operative word, because this is a case of a bad karaoke night. Kid couldn’t hold a tune if it was handed to him with Velcro gloves. But it’s charming the girl in it’s own way. He’s drunk, she’s kinda tipsy and they’re both having a good time, so what’s the harm, aye?

In the process of having a good time, they start getting busy and Ian wants to go at it horsey style because that’s how the Murrays and Frasers do it. She’s all, “What are you doing?” and he says, “Well, that’s how horses do it, ye ken?” and she says, “Do I look like a horse?”

No, you’re the bonniest lass in the world. “Let me show you how to do it because I’ve done this a lot,” she says. And she seems experienced enough because minutes later, he’s having the time of his life and she’s riding HIM like a horse. (See what I did there?)

13. Back at the brothel, Claire and Jamie are having dinner, talking about their future. He wants to stay in Edinborough, she wants to start up a healers shop somewhere in the print shop, or on her own. He is still not telling her about a certain individual whose name rhymes with hairy.
And the viewers can’t figure out why. Maybe he’s trying the avoidance thing because he’s hoping she won’t find out.

Jamie, meet me at camera three.

Dude, they always find out. They’re smarter than you. You may think that Claire doesn’t have the smarts to make it in the world without you, but she does. It’s kind of her thing, really. You’ve seen her in action. She’s no lightweight. You can tell her, she won’t go away. Because if you don’t tell her, you’ll have a hard time of it later on when she does find out.

But that’s not my place because you’re best friend is here looking for his kid. Jamie tells Claire to keep quiet about seeing Ian and that he’ll explain later. Seems that Jamie is in some kerfuffle with Ian and Jenny about the kid and hasn’t had time to properly bring Lady Jane up to speed on the whole thing.

14. Jamie and Claire go downstairs where Old Ian is standing there getting looked at by hoors. When he sees Claire, it’s like seeing a ghost. Only he doesn’t faint like another guy did the last episode. Ian and Claire hug, and he’s still got this look on his face like he doesn’t believe what is happening.

“It’s you, lass,” he says with incredulity. “How did you get here? Se thought you were dead.”

“Well,” she begins. “it’s a long story involving Boston, the colonies, and has nothing to do with time travel, becoming a surgeon, or being a witch. So how you doing?”

This puts him at ease and he says to Jamie, “Ian has run off again. Do you know where he is?” And Jamie plays it cool like, “Nope, haven’t seen him. Don’t know what’s going on. But I’m sure he’ll be okay, got it?”

Ian tells them the kid’s been gone for a few weeks and Jenny is right pissed and worried about this since it is the third time he’s R-U-N-N-O-F-T. Maybe he’s been taken by a press gang. Jamie’s response is basically, “He wouldn’t last a day on a press gang. The kid is 90 pounds soaking wet. Maybe he’s with a lassie right now. You never know. But I’m sure he’s safe. Or a reasonable facsimile of safe. Go home, I’ll look around here and see if I can find him.”

This relieves Ian a little bit. I’m sure he knows Jamie is hiding something here, and I don’t understand why he lies to his best friend. Probably doesn’t want to upset his sister and brother in law with the misdeeds he gets into and bringing young Ian into the mix with him. But he takes Jamie’s word for the fact that he hasn’t seen Ian and leaves.

15. But it’s the good old coitus interruptus because Ian and Hottie Barmaid both hear noises somewhere else. They run to the window in the print shop and see Oily Guy rummaging around.

“You need to go, but I’ll catch up with you later, cowgirl,” Ian says. So she heads out and Ian confronts the dude.

“Get out of my uncle’s shop!” Ian yells. Well, the dude doesn’t comply because he is an agent of the crown and a crumb all to boot. So he tells Ian that he doesn’t have to leave. Well, naturally, a fight ensues and the man slams Ian up against the wall.

The wall where the safety catch to the treasonous material is. Yeah, how convenient. The guy brings them out and says, “Well, I came here for liquor, but I’ll take these instead.” And Ian tries to stop him but the guy pulls a gun and shoots at a conveniently random glass of some flammable liquid, which starts a fire. Then Ian sprays some kind of acid in the guy’s face and Oily Dude runs out of the shop.

Which is now burning.

To the ground.

With Ian in it.

16. Jamie and Claire are back in the room and she confronts him with the lie they both told Ian. He’s all, “Well, you lied to him about your return, so we’re both in the wrong. And didn‘t we lie all of season 2?”

Listen, telling him a version of the truth and actually telling him I’m a time-traveling witch from the 20th century are two different things here. But Jamie has no reason to lie to Ian about the whereabouts of his son. Jamie’s all, “I’m trying to teach him the ways of the world. He’s like my own son.” But he’s not your son, and you don’t have any reason to keep him away from his parents or lie to his father, Jamie. Claire says, “You have no idea what it is to be a worried parent!”

He stops, turns and says, “I’ve never worried? I didn’t pray every day for the child to be safe? I give a damn why you’ve paraded her around like a whore in a bikini! But I’ve never worried? I worry every day, about all my children! You don’t get to claim sole responsibility for caring about the kids we’ve spawned.”

Touché’ Jamie. Let her have it. You don’t think he worried about his daughter he’s never seen? You don’t think he’s worried about his son who he had to leave when the kid was young? The kid he’s pretty much never going to see the rest of his life? Yeah, Fathers worry about their kids too. My kids are adults now, and I still worry if they’re getting enough to eat and have a roof over their heads. So, Lady Jane, you don’t get to claim sole rights to worrying about the children you helped spawn.



All this is cut rather short when Madame Jeanne comes in and her googly eyes tell Jamie that the print shop is burning down. And I say googly eyes because this woman must be the spawn of Marty Feldman.

17. So the print shop is burning to the ground and everyone is standing in the street watching like

fire meme

Our Dynamic Duo come to the shop and see everyone standing around. Jamie then thinks of Ian, who he let sleep in the shop. He grabs Claire’s cape and runs to the door of the shop, against her protestations.

He dons the cape like a crusader and goes through the door. Then he sees Ian down on the second floor and

super landing 1


deadppol super

And suddenly I’m in a Batman episode, yeah?

Outside, the firemen finally arrive. But it is far too late to slow the fire with their eighteenth-century equipment. The best they can do is slow it down enough for Jamie to come out of the shop with Ian over his shoulder.

Which happens after a long slow shot of the awnings burning and Claire watching anxiously. Then, there he is, with the kid. He runs down the stairs of the shop while the awning collapses behind him. Yay!

18. Outside the shop, the lads are recovering. Mr. Willoughby and Fergus are there two take stock of the situation and help out wherever is needed. Claire is giving aid to Ian, who tells Jamie all that happened.

“The Oily Dude was there looking for the casks. But he found your pamphlets. Sorry, my bad.” Jamie is more forgiving of the lad than most people would be since the seditious pamphlets could lead to his hanging.

what else

So Jamie pulls the guys aside and tells Willoughby to pay off the workers. The print shop is gone, so there’s no need to do any more smuggling so the lads won’t be needed anymore.

He tells Fergus to find the Oily Dude and do what he has to do to make sure the guy doesn’t make it to Percy with the pamphlets. Oh, and call this guy after you do that, because man, I am going to need it.


Then he goes back to Claire and says, “Okay, Sassenach, I guess it’s off to Lallybroch to take Ian home. I cannae say my sister will be pleased with either of us.”

No, she won’t Jamie. No, she won’t. But we’ll get into that next time, ken?

Overall a solid episode of TV. I know it’s an Adaptation. There’s just something off about this episode and I can’t put my finger on it. We have 6 left so I’m sure there’s going to be some really good ones once they get past Lallybroch and sail the high seas. I have high hopes for the rest of the season, and, judging by past seasons, I won’t be let down.

Now here it is, your Jamie Mooney Eye Pic of the Week.


Episode 306 A. Malcolm


What to say, Wow. I can’t even deal with this episode. The hype was high, there were two weeks between Claire walking into the shop and Jamie’s view of her entrance. And what an entrance! I’m sure you all want to hear what I have to say, for whatever reason, so I’ll get to it. This one is long, and I don’t want to get over wordy like I normally do. Oh, and since there were several scenes where Jamie’s Mooney Eye was on display, I’ll be putting them in the recap since there were so damn many and I couldn’t make up my mind on which one was the Moony-est.

Oh, and there may be some nudity in the pictures, so please, by all that is holy, don’t open this at work. I’d hate for you get fired because you were looking at Jamie’s buttocks instead of filling out those fucking TPS reports.

That means you, Jen! You know who you are.

1. Here’s Jamie getting dressed by a madam. And not the “How do you do, Madam?” with a doff to the cap. It’s and actual whorehouse madam. I know, what’s Jamie doing there, right? Well, turns out there’s a reason. We’ll see later on. She tells him he needs to be dressed right by a woman. Can’t have him dashing off looking un-dashing. As he’s leaving, she’s looking at him like she hasn’t had anything to eat in months.


2. Here’s Jamie strutting down the street like John Travolta at the end of Saturday Night Fever. He’s the cock of the walk, going to work like he doesn’t stink. (And he doesn’t stink. Witnesses say he smells like angels are supposed to smell.)

He goes up to the shop and wipes some stray dirt off the sign he has so elaborately worked hard to get, showing a pride in his shop. And what a shop it is.

SIDE NOTE: I LOVED this set. It is fucking beautiful. Everything is perfect, and everything works! Oh, and all those sheets that are hanging in the rafters along strings, those were actually printed by Sam Heughan. Yes, they sent him to Old Tyme Printer’s School. So when he’s doing all the things in the shop, he’s actually printing out stuff. I know, one more thing to admire him about. Anyway, the crew did a wonderful job in bringing this part of the book to life on screen.

Then, he hears some voices in the first floor, so his first instinct is to grab a handy knife he always has on his person. When he recognizes the voices, he goes down to see the two ruffians that are hiding in his shop. I didn’t catch their names, so for the purposes of this recap they’ll be called Fat Man and Skinny Boy.

These are two guys I’m assuming he went to prison with because they call him Mac Dubh. He chastises them for being in his shop and they’re all like, “Dude, we were kicked out of the boarding house. Dinna fash it, we weren’t seen by naught but an owl.”

“Be that as it may,” Jamie says, “I don’t want anyone seeing you in the shop Now get out before customers arrive, yeah?” Then he goes to a secret closet and says, “On your way out, do me a solid and take these treasonous papers to a Papist in Arbroath. And don’t be seen because if anyone finds these, it’ll be your neck.”

Just then, Geordie Laforge comes in and turns out he’s a surly employee. I wonder why Jamie keeps him in his employ because this kid’s kind of a douche. He comes down the stairs admonishing Jamie for keeping the likes of these two in the shop. And the guys start going on about his goiter. “You’ve got a baby growing out of your neck,” says Skinny. “Are you sure you aren’t going to start the next plague?” Fat Man says.

Geordie gets kind of upset here. He says, “I understand they’re your friends. But must I be subjected to ridicule every time I come into the shop?” They say there’s no harm in it, they’re fond of the wee scamp, and that’s how guys show their affection for one another.

It’s true. Guys talk like this and rip on each other when they like each other. It’s part of being a guy. Grow up and get some humor, will you?

So Fat Man and Skinny leave with the treasonous broadsheets and we’ll never see those again. Heh. Geordie is about to get on to business when Jamie asks him to go and get more ash and soot for the printing press. Geordie’s all, “Dude, could you tell me all the stuff you need me to do BEFORE I come to work so I don’t have to go back and forth all day?” and I’m like, “How about you just do what Jamie Fraser says and quit your bitching because that way you keep your job, ken?”

3. Obligatory Jamie Working The Printing Press montage. The bell rings, and he says, “Is that you Geordie? Where did you go to get the ash, the seventh layer of hell?” and in response here’s a woman’s voice saying, “Nope, just me, Claire-bear.”

So he turns around and sees her. And then faints, just like the last episode. Then we roll credits.

Show’s over, we’ll pick it up next week. Nahh, just kidding.

4. Jamie wakes up, sees her looming over him, and says, “You’re real! It’s really you.” and she’s all, “That’s right, daddy-o! Claire Bear is back.” He looks down and sees that his pants are all wet. It’s not what he initially thought (pissed himself) but oil from the presses. So he gets up and starts to pull off his pants and then things get a little awkward.

I get it. They haven’t seen each other in twenty years. And he hasn’t taken his pants off in front of a woman in quite a while. But it’s Claire! Your wife! And she pretty much says that. He’s still a little sheepish.


He walks to her, starts to reach out and she grabs his hand and holds him. He looks down at her hand and sees the ring. She explains that she never took it off. Probably another sticking point in her marriage to Frank.

“I would very much like to kiss you,” he says, and she’s all, “Hells yeah!” so he goes in for a lip lock and here’s a Jamie Fraser Mooney Eye Pic if ever there was one.


And for a guy who hasn’t kissed a lady in a while, man, does he ever know how to do it. And obviously, there’s the Obligatory Romantic Music Crescendo going on in the background.

kiss meme.jpg

Oh yeah, that’s a kiss. And yes, it is twenty years in the making. He’s all, “There’s two of us now.” and Claire’s all, “Yep, now give me another one and don’t stop, ginger.”

But that’s all stopped abruptly when they hear Geordie yell “I Quit! I’m free church, working for a stinking Papist is one thing. But when it comes to orgies in the shop, I’m all against it. God’s tooth, and it’s not even noon!” And barges out of the shop. It’s at this point I think I’ll start saying “God’s Tooth” a lot more.

So they laugh, and Jamie says he’ll just go and explain it to Geordie later on. How, in God’s name he will, is another matter.

“Hey, Geordie. Yeah, that woman I was kissing in the shop? She’s my wife, and I haven’t seen her in twenty years, so give me a fucking break and spare me your self-righteous indignation, okay? Or do you want a job with the best printer in town, yeah?”

He realizes he needs another pair of pants. Luckily he has some in the back room. So he starts to go back there and turns around to look at her. “Uhh, ya wanna come with me?”


“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away, Ginger,” she says. So they go to the back room together.

5. In the back room, he starts to ask how long she’s going to be there, but then realizes, “Oh yeah, our kid. What gives?” And Claire takes out a ziplock bag with a bunch of pictures for him. “This is our daughter.”

Naturally, this information staggers him. But in order to show his age, we first have to see Dashing Jamie in librarian glasses.


Jen! Stop drooling! TPS reports remember?!

She tells him he’s a dashing as ever. She also says he has some gray in her hair but she colored it because she wanted to look young for him. He’s all, “Time doesn’t matter, Sassenach. You’ll always be beautiful to me.”

I don’t know if you could have said anything more romantic in that moment. How dare you?

He looks at the photographs and is overwhelmed by emotion. He grabs the wall, sits down heavily on the cot, and starts looking through the pictures. His voice catches in his throat, then he asks, “What did you name her?”

“Brianna,” Answers Claire. He is horrified. “What did you name her that for?” Claire explains that he instructed her to name the child after his father, and he gives her the proper pronunciation. While he’s looking, he sees the Bikini Picture and flips out. “You let her wear something like that? And with a man around? What are you daft?”

It’s a bikini. All the girls are wearing them,” Claire explains. But inwardly, Jamie’s probably wanting to reach through that picture and rip that guy’s throat out.

At the last picture of Bree holding a catch of fish, he pauses. Then he stands, keeping his back to her, and goes to the mantle. “I have something to tell you,” he says reaching for a portrait. “I have a son.” Then tells her about Willie.

SIDE NOTE: There’s a civil war in the Outlander Fandom over this moment. One side is the BP folks who wanted to see Jamie break down and cry on Claire’s shoulder. The other side is those who see the fabulous acting moment from Sam Heughan and accept it as what Jamie would do. Allow me to throw my guy opinion into the mix.

Men. Don’t. Cry. Period. Oh, sure, we shed a tear over a loved one and an animal we may have lost. Part of being a guy is showing very little emotions to our loved ones. We have to keep tamping that shit down. If we are sad, angry, overwhelmed, or any other emotion that would make us weep, we stow that for later. I have seen grown men with half the stature of Jamie Fraser lose body parts and STILL not shed a tear.
I hear some of you saying, “What about when he broke down after hearing about Fergus?” That was different. We can cry in front of our siblings, and he was relieved at that moment. He was also tired of everything. Of living in a cave, of being heartbroken over losing Claire, over a million things that only Jamie Fraser had lived through. Of course, he’s going to break down. But in front of his wife? Absolute Stoicism. So enough with the “Jamie was supposed to cry here” argument. He didn’t. Get over it. Enjoy the show.

6. So he shows her a portrait of Willie. And it’s pretty good, I’d like to know who they got to paint that. She asks what he’s like and Jamie’s all, Well, take a look at me and you’ll see most of it. Like Father like Son, I guess.

love her

Then Jamie asks if she left Frank for him. “Nope,” she answers. “He dead.” Then he wants to know if she told Frank about him and she’s all, “Yep, everything. Oh, I left out the steamy lovemaking because he just couldn’t keep up that like you could, but yeah. Pretty much everything in between.”

She says he was a good father to Bree, and she liked raising her with him, but she never says he loved her because really he didn’t. I mean, maybe a little bit, but he never wanted to get back together with her. I’ll refer you to recaps 302 to 304.

Jamie hears the chimes of a clock tower and says, “Oh damn. I forgot something. I gotta go see a guy about a horse.” and he starts to get dressed to go. He says, “You want to come with?” and she’s all, “Dude, I’m with you for the duration. Of course. I ain’t going anywhere without you by my side.”

7. So they head out to run this particular errand and lo and behold, who shows up, but our lovable young lad, Fergus! He is beyond happy to see her. He asks how she came back, and she has to go through this elaborate song and dance about not falling through stones to the future and the million questions that come with that. “I left to go to the states after Culloden. Long story short. Now I’m back.” Then she looks at his hand that Jamie Lannister loaned him while Filming of Game of Thrones season 8. Seriously, is that the same gold hand prop?

He says, “Cool. Oh, I lost a hand fighting the English while Jamie hid in a cave.” Then they go off to the side and leave Claire to haggle with the locals over bread pies and handmade cups.

Fergus says, “Dude, what is she doing here? Have you told her about She Who Must Not Be Named?” And Jamie’s all, “Not yet, there hasn’t been time. I don’t even know what’s going on. One minute I’m at the print shop, the next thing I know she shows up and bam. I hit the floor. We kissed a couple of times and then we came here. I literally have no idea what the holy hell I’m going to do with this situation. Go find Ned Gowan, I suppose.” Because when you really need help resolving a legal pickle:


So Jamie comes back to Claire, who has been accosted by a guy trying to sell her Sausage inna pie. “Three pence madam, and I’d be cutting me own throat if I went any less!” Jamie shoos C.M.O.T. Dibbler away and pulls Claire down the street.

“Everything alright?” she asks. “I hope Fergus wasn’t too shocked to see me.” Jamie answers, “No, he was glad to see you. Thanks for keeping the truth of it out though. Hearing you’re a Timelord would have been a little sticky. No, I’m late for a meeting with a guy, so we’d best hurry, aye?” She’s all, “Where are we going?” and he answers, “To The World’s End, then after that a brothel where this episode can get really hot and heavy.”

8. At The World’s End Tavern, we meet Mr. Willoughby. This Chinaman has been at the seat of some controversy for a while on social media. I have no opinion one way or another. I’m glad they kept him from being a stereotype in this episode, apart from wanting to lick the waitress’ elbow. I mean, it’s weird and all, but hey, different cultures, yeah?

Jamie introduces Claire as Mrs. Malcolm, his wife. Her side eye here is on point. Wil is all, “Wife? I thought you already…” but Jamie cuts him off with a look. Then Jamie says, “I have to go meet this dude, so hang here with my comic relief and I’ll be right back.”

9. There’s a meeting with an Englishman who is extorting Jamie for gold to look the other way with his treasonous pamphlets and smuggling thing going on. Naturally, the guy wants more money and Jamie’s all, “Not going to happen.”

To which the dude says, “We’ll see about that, boyo.” Jamie leaves and comes back to Claire and Wil talking about how Jamie found him. He had stowed away from China on a ship bound here. He was starving and Jamie saved his life. She says, “How noble of you.” and Jamie says, “Well, I didn’t have a Murtagh, so I guess he’ll do.”

By the way, why didn’t he tell her Murtagh was still alive? I would like to have seen some mention of that. Sorry, minor nitpick. Back to it, aye?

10. Then it’s off to find food and shelter for the night. So instead of finding a nice respectable hotel somewhere in the tavern district, he takes her to the one place you NEVER take a first date: a brothel. Madame Jeanne’s. Remember the thirsty lady at the beginning? Yeah, her.

And boy is she peeved. “Jamie, how are you?” she asks when she sees him. Before she can say anything, he says, “I’m fine. Let me introduce you to madam Malcolm, my wife.” and the looks that fly back and forth between Claire and Jeanne here are priceless.

So she relents and says, “Your room is ready. Usual rates apply, and I might have to add a bit to compensate me for you having a wife.” They go upstairs into his little room. Naturally, she’s very skeptical about the whole, “My husband lives in a brothel” thing. And he’s trying to deflect by lighting the fire and talking nonsense, but they eventually have to address the elephant in the room.

“Why do you live in a brothel,” she asks. “Are you a repeat customer? Or a pimp?” oh, honey. He says, “No. I’m no a pimp.” Then he goes on to explain that Jeanne is his customer. Claire is still naturally dubious. But Jamie has to lay his cards on the table here.

“Why did you come back?” he asks. “Was it to show me Bree? Or was it to be my wife again?” Claire answers, “When I saw you were still alive, I wanted to see you.”

how did you find me

“I have a life here, kiddo. We know less now about each other than we did when we were wed. Can you take all that?” he asks. She asks if he ants her to leave, and he’s all, “Yeah, no! I’ve burned for you all these years. And now to finally get you again, why would I send you away?” And she answers, “You don’t know about me. I may be a horrible person.“ He says he doesn’t care about that, so they start to share another kiss but are interrupted by housekeeping.


They open the door and a woman named Pauline comes in with a tray of food and wine. I love how you can hear the sounds of coitus in the background during this entire scene. Just like in the book, it adds texture to the scene.

11. So they sit down to dinner, and start to tell each other about their lives in the twenty years they were apart. It’s a pretty montage where they eat and relive memories. In the end, he stands up and asks, “So what now?” and she’s all. “Dude, you want to go to bed?”

to bed or sleep

12. The Unzippening: I don’t know why it took like 10 minutes to take each other’s clothes off, but it works. In getting to know each other again, they really have given the production time for Claire and Jamie to reveal themselves to each other. Part of becoming intimate with each other again is getting familiar with each other’s bodies again.

She gets to the zipper part, and he’s all, “This would have made our wedding night so much faster.” Claire responds, “I didn’t want there to be any problems for you getting me out of my clothes this time.”

She’s bashful, thinking she’s gotten old and ugly. But he’s like, “Baby, you’re as beautiful as the day I met you.” Then they get down to it. This is the point we’ve all been waiting a few years to see. And it doesn’t disappoint. But before they actually get to the deed, they’re both so awkward that he goes to kiss her and bonks his head to her nose. Great act of foreplay, Jamie. You broke her nose.

“No, I didn’t, mister man! Keep up with the recap, aye?”


She tells him, “Do it now, and don’t be gentle.” And when she says that, being gentle is the last thing on his mind. This is all about NEED. For both of them. She has needed this for eighteen years, and so has he.

Claire’s O-face tells us that this is what she has dreamed of for far too long. It’s hot, steamy, loving, and unbridled passion. They are finding each other again physically after all these years. And it is GLORIOUS! I’m pretty sure, by the looks of it, they probably had sex for real here.

We get to see more of Jamie’s backside. And yes, there is a quota of Jamie butt shots in this season. We’ve gotten through 6 episodes and we’ve seen more of it in this season than all of one and two.


Jen! Back to work! Oh shit, there’s Dave from accounting! Quick, click another window! Whew, that was close.

13. Resting in the afterglow, it’s time for more questions. Jamie, you don’t have to keep raising the bar for every other guy in the world, you know. Saying things like her breasts are like ivory and her skin is like ivory is too much. But then when she asks if it’s been that way since the first time they met, saying, “It’s always been forever for me, Sassenach.” is over the line! I mean, who says that? Jamie Fraser, that’s who. Ugh, makes me sick.

“Its like riding a bicycle,” she says. “I don’t know what a bicycle is.” and she explains that they know how to do it pretty well. The sex I mean. He says, “Did you think we would forget what to do? I may be old, but I’m no dead.”

Sounds of coitus make them uncomfortable for an instant. “I should have taken you somewhere else,” he says. “Yeah, I could think of other places to have the horizontal badonkadonk than this, but I’ll take what I get anywhere as long as it’s with you.”

“Well, I’m not a pimp, if that’s what you’re asking.” and she’s glad to hear it. “But what do you do?” she asks.

Then they play twenty questions after Sam fulfills more of his booty quota by walking around the room naked. He sits down at the table and explains that he isn’t a highwayman, a kidnapper, a thief, or a dread pirate Roberts. Not yet, anyway.

Then he explains that his print shop is now his weapon against the British. Instead of a sword and dirk, he uses words. “You don’t get muscles like that working in a print shop,” she says. “Ever tried to run a press, Sassenach?” he asks.

He is also a traitor, still. He’s been arrested a few times, but they’ve never found any evidence. He says he did go to prison after the Rising, and she’s all, “Yeah, I knew all that. Remember, I have a great researcher on my side. I know all about what you did, Mr. Fraser. I especially like the whole “Hid in a cave hunting rabbits for even years” thing.

So he goes back to bed, saying, “I can’t tell you what a joy it was to finally touch you like I did this morning in the shop.” she explains that she isn’t going anywhere. “You won’t lose me unless you do something immoral.” and he stops.

Sensing there is more, she asks, “What, did I say something wrong?” and he’s all, “Well, there is something, I’m kind of a smuggler.” Then he goes on to say that he trades in wiskey, rum, wine, and pretty much anything people use to get blind stinking drunk.

SIDE NOTE: A lot of folks have wondered over the years about why he did a couple of things in between Helwater and the Print Shop. Namely, marry She Who Must Not Be Named, and why he doesn’t tell her until after it’s too late. Here’s the real answer. 1. He didn’t know he would ever see Claire again. Blondie was someone he knew, someone he kind of cared for, and someone his sister pushed him to marry. He NEVER loved her. He tried to do the honorable thing and keep her safe for her children, but he never really wanted her and she knew it. It’s Jamie’s version of the Frank Randall marriage. 2. He didn’t tell her because he didn’t know how. This is a big revelation, and there really isn’t any time to discuss it diplomatically. Especially not when they are in the middle of finding each other. He really doesn’t know when to do it, other than when it happens. He’s kind of a bundle of emotions right now, which means he’s deflecting for a better time, and the fact is, there is no better time.

This seems to assuage her for the moment and they make love again. This time, it’s a passionate affair, under the sheets, looking into each other’s eyes, and finding a soul connection again.

Oh, and don’t watch the latter half of this episode in the employee lounge. Just sayin’. Coworkers kind of look at you funny if they don’t understand you’re watching a TV show instead of straight up porn. Not that this has happened to me. I’m just warning you, that’s all. Jen, this goes double for you!

14. Before she goes to sleep on his chest, she sheds just a single tear for Bree, closes her eyes, and goes to sleep. Because Lady Jane’s Lady parts are a little tired.

She wakes up and realizes that he’s watching her sleep. Yes, ladies, guys do this too. He explains that he could watch her sleep all day long. And yes, we could to. Then the door knocks again, and Consuela is there with housekeeping well before checkout, I might add. Jamie yells that they’ll be right out, and promptly starts going Downtown. And all the girls in the audience:


15. She wakes again, he’s getting dressed. He explains he has to go and do some stuff. But he tells her to stay put. She’s all, “After last night? My legs are like jello. I mean, you wore Lady Jane out, mister. I couldn’t move if my life depended on it.”

So he kisses her and says, “Oh, by the way, you’re Madam Malcolm while you’re here. Not Fraser, Randall, Mackenzie, or Grey. Just Malcolm. Got it, sweet heart?” She throws him a salute, “You got it, Soldier.”

Then he leaves, and she gets up to eat some grapes that seem overly large for the time period. There’s a knock on the door and young Ian Murray comes in. He sees her in her shift and as she puts on more clothes, he’s all, “Oops, sorry, didn’t know you were in here, ma’am. Where’s Jamie Fraser?”

“Uh, he went out. Who are you?” He explains who he is and she’s all, “Oh, you’re Jenny’s kid, right? I’m Claire. Jamie’s wife. How is everyone at Lallybroch?”

“Well, mom’s still mom, Dad’s still got only one leg, but that hasn’t stopped them from making another nineteen kids. All the women at Lallybroch think you’re a witch that cursed her with too many bairns, but Da says that he cannae keep his hands off her, that’s all it is.” then he stops, “Wait, did you say wife? Awkward.”

Then he sees himself out and says, “Welcome back. Well, maybe not so welcome. Anyway, if you see Jamie any time, tell him his nephew is looking for him, aye?” She says she will and that it was nice meeting him. Then she gets dressed to go downstairs and get something to eat.

16. Let’s play mistaken identities, shall we? There’s a table at the foot of the steps where a few of the ladies of the evening are eating a nice looking spread. They think she is a new lass and start talking to her like she is. They’re explaining things like how to take a bath, how to make themselves smell sweet, and also, how to prevent the squealers and if they need to get a guy off quick, just shove a finger up his Aherrmm.

Then Madame Jeanne comes in, sees Claire sitting with the girls and says, “Madam! What are you doing here?”


Well, She’s looking at the other girls horrified because they treated her like a hoor.


Jeanne asks if anyone brought her breakfast, and Claire’s all, “Well, there was a knock at the door but Jamie was Downtown and I didn’t want to stop that, you understand.” Well, we will have that worthless maid flayed for this, and I’m thinking, “Dude, really? Not just a harsh word and a write up sent to HR?”

Claire says that won’t be necessary. She gets up to go upstairs and thanks all the girls for the tips.

17. Then she goes up to the room and there’s a strange bald guy standing there looking all sinister. He’s searching for something in Jamie’s room. Claire says, “I don’t think you should be here,” and he’s all, “No whore tells me what to do. Now get in the bed and earn some coin.”

whos a whore

She says, she’s Jamie’s wife, and who is he? He says, “I’m the guy who was sent to remind you that you’re in a Diana Gabaldon novel!” and promptly goes to commit some kind of horrible depravity on her.

Then the screen goes blank and the credits roll.


Sorry, this was so long. I parsed a lot of it, or else it would have been over ten thousand words. And you don’t want to read all that, I know. I know there are haters out there who want to say that it wasn’t like the chapters in the books. I stopped entertaining their arguments a long time ago. This one was by far the most accurate by the book adaptation I have seen in my fifty years of watching TV and movies. So just for that alone, I give it 5 stars. I’m not a critic. I know good television. This, folks, was great television.

Now, you final Jamie Mooney eye pic of the week.


Why Everyone who loves TV should watch Outlander Episode 6 This Weekend.


Hey all, so now we know that the reunion is happening in a few days. I know, I hated a two-week hiatus too. But it led me to think about all the reasons Outlander fans, and also, TV lovers need to watch this episode.

1. The world has been waiting over 14 months for them to get together. That’s over a year, everyone. We need to see this just as much as Jamie and Claire need to make it official.

2. Judging by the promo, this is going to be The Wedding Episode 2.0. In fact, it will probably be much better than that episode simply because we haven’t seen any Jamie Claire action since I can’t remember when. And it wasn’t that great if I seem to recall. So what’s it been, close to two and a half years since we’ve seen a decent sex scene between these two?


3. Sam’s V. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. This:

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Hey! Stop drooling. I know you want it, but you can’t have it. It belongs to Claire. Oh, now you’re moping. You’ll be able to see a lot more than that though, which leads me to

4. It’s all about that bass. I’m talking Jamie’s of course. Something we’ve been happy to see with other ladies a couple of episodes in, but now we get to see that butt with Claire. Which is something we’ve all been wanting to see for a few years. Well, not me, but hey, most of my fans are of the lady persuasion, so I have a duty to please their tastes. And look at this dress. Gorgeous!

Screenshot 2017-10-19 09.47.01

I know we all want to see what happens with this hit’s the floor.


5. It’s going to be 75 minutes of pure television bliss. That’s almost like a mini movie. A movie that’s going to have about three or four sex scenes in probably. I’m guessing. Hoping maybe, but well… I’m sure it’s going to rival the love making scene in Bull Durham. Which some people think is the best love making scene ever filmed.

challenge accepted

6. We have to find out what happened after that fainting spell Jamie had. But first we’re going to see what happened before that fateful bell. We get to see Jamie’s day in Edinburgh and see the day from his perspective. Which will be fun, and tension filled. I love this idea. It’s like finding out halfway through Walking Dead 701 finding out who Negan killed.

7. Oh, and speaking of which? What are you more excited to watch? A romantic period drama full of love and romance and sexy highlanders having wonderful sexy time with time traveling witches, or some show with a grunting hillbilly carrying a crossbow and shooting zombies? Wait, that does sound kinda cool. TIVO, you’re my hero on the 22nd.

8. And speaking of post apocalyptic doom scenarios, there has been a lot of frightful news this year. Droughts, forest fires, hurricanes wiping entire islands of their inhabitants, megalomaniacal god emperors in charge of countries that could blow up the world on a whim, and Kim Jong Un. Isn’t it time we had some unreality for a change? Every now and then we have to indulge in a little bit of fantasy, right? I mean the real world can be a little depressing. So why not let loose and watch a show about people loving each other instead of the real world where people are always doing harm to one another?

9. So there you have it, the reasons why you should be watching Outlander this weekend if you enjoy television. I know this one was a little on the short side. (readers of my regular recaps are like, “Finally!”) Do yourself a favor. Watch the love this Sunday. You’ll be glad you did.

10. Did you think I wasn’t going to round it out with a Jamie Mooney Eye pic? Oh, you’re so adorable. And so is he.

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Episode 305 Freedom and Wiskey


Season three is surpassing all of my expectations for what good television is all about. This episode once again proves to be a highlight of raw emotion this book evokes in the reader. I feel like the writers have finally gotten the core of what Diana’s Outlander series is all about.

Earlier this week on Twitter I mentioned that they would end on the bell tinkling in the print shop and then black out. They exceeded even my wishes and went a few minutes beyond that with him actually seeing her and then fainting as tho he saw a ghost. And I thought, Perfect! What a genius move. Let them see each other for a brief moment and then stop it. Then next episode pick it up with him waking up in her arms and realizing she is not a ghost. It was awesome! Thank you Outlander writers for getting it right once again. You have done justice to the best book in the series and I love you for it.

But enough of my boring preamble heaping continual praise on the staff of our favorite TV show, you came here for a recap, so le’s get it done, shall we?

1. Watching Claire doing surgery up to this point was always quick and brutal, even when in the eighteenth century. But Doctor Claire is wonderful. It’s almost instinctive how she operates cooly, under pressure, without any hesitation. She just knows what to do and how to do it. She finishes a harrowing medical procedure like, “What, you can’t do this?” and Joe looks on in wonder.

These two deserve their own show. I can totally see Fraser and Abernathy, MD as a TV show. Full of mad hijinks, solving mysteries, and saving patients.

2. Bree is in school learning about Paul Revere, something she should have learned a long time ago in grade school, but this isn’t the same thing. This is the truth of the fictional midnight ride, which was rewritten to give Paulie boy a bigger role in the historical account. Bree is all, “Speaking of lies, try living one for eighteen years, boyo.” I love the fact that she’s doodling a picture of gothic arches and its spot on perfect. She couldn’t care less about Mr. Revere.

The instructor pulls her aside and tells her she is failing. Duh, I’m not interested in history, but give me three pieces of cardboard, some bubble gum and a sewing needle and I’ll give you the Sistine chapel.

The instructor says, “I knew your father, he was a friend of mine, which means I kind of have to look out for you, ya dig?“ She says he doesn’t have to worry about her, it’ll work out. She’s fine. Oh boy, another woman saying she’s fine. This instructor better get out of the room.


Later, she goes home and takes a look around the house with all of Frank’s things. She is remembering the man who raised her. I think at this moment she realizes that despite the bloodline, she really was his daughter and he loved her very much.

3. Fraser and Abernathy are at it again. They’re drinking in his office, talking about what happened in Scotland. “Joe,” she says, “What happened in Scotland stays in Scotland.” but he’s insistent.

“Did you meet a man, Lady Jane?” he asks, and she’s like a blushing bride. It’s so cute to see her happy finally when she thinks about Jamie. But she explains, “He’s someone from my past, and I tried to find him again, but it didn’t work out, so I guess fate had other ideas.” And Joe is all, “Fuck fate.” like, Lady Jane go out and find this guy because judging how you’re thinking about him right now, he makes your lady parts burst.

Joe, you have no idea.


4. Roger arrives with news and goes to the door to hear a right good stramash between the Fraser girls. He thinks twice about ringing the doorbell, but he’s here, so he can’t just go away. Bree whips open the door with a “What?!” and he’s standing there in all his dorky nerdiness going, “Hi, it’s me. Was just in the neighborhood, figured I’d stop by?”

Well this is awkward. Coming into town in the middle of a Bree/Claire screaming match. After a hug from Claire, the two are right back at it. Turns out Bree wants to withdraw from Harvard and move out, which Team Claire is all against and Team Bree is all for.

Claire, Bree doesn’t want to go to school right away. And do you blame her? Here’s a girl whose father died, her mother takes her to Scotland to find a guy who actually turns out to be her REAL Father, completely blindsides her with that information, tells her that her mother is a time-traveling witch who tried to change history, and then proceeds to search for said ghost.

Chick is exhausted. And I would probably do the same. She has to process, Claire. Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, did you think she was going to bounce back from a series of revelations that completely changed her life in the course of a few days? I don’t think so. Let the kid have a lie down for a few months, aye?

And I love Roger’s looks here. He’s all, “I didn’t want to show up in the middle of a stramash, but I am a man, and I don’t want to say a word so Imma stay out of it.”

Finally, a horn honks and Bree grabs the moment to end the argument and leave. She is as stubborn as her father. As she’s leaving, she looks at roger and says, “Maybe we can hang out sometime.”

5. After catching up on Christmas traditions, Claire and Roger go into the living room and chat over a glass of wiskey. She wonders if having a traditional American Christmas is really why Roger showed up here and he’s all, “Nope. I have some news.”

“I’m a historian, its what I do,” he says. And I’m all, Oh yeah! Me too, Mr. Mackenzie. “I’m like a dog with a bone. I can’t let something go.” so he brings a paper over to her and shows her. “I found him.”

After explaining that the paper shows Jamie wrote a bunch of stuff like Freedom and Wiskey and a Robert Burns poem that couldn’t have been written at that time, he drops the bombshell, “Alexander Malcolm, Printer.”

He’s alive in 1765. Well, this news doesn’t’ have the effect Roger was expecting. Claire doesn’t know what to do. She’s angry at first that he did this because she resigned herself to leaving Jamie in the past. Knowing that she could go back and find him hits her like a ton of bricks. She argues that she can’t leave Bree in this condition. Bree needs me now, more than ever. I can’t leave her with all the stuff that’s happening right now.

Yes, Claire. Yes, you can. Then Roger and Claire agree not to tell Bree this information for what it will do to the girl and I’m all, Claire, you have to! She’ll be fine! She’s Brianna Fraser, daughter of the King of Men. She’ll rule the world one day.

6. She’s in Abernathy’s office looking over the bones of a skeleton found in a cave in a cave in the Caribbean. Claire picks up the skull and says, “So Horace sent you over a one hundred and fifty year old murder victim?”

how did you.jpg

Joe says there was a bunch of artifacts with her as well. And then he picks up a few bones and says, “Yep, here’s your proof. She was murdered in the cave with a dull blade. Somebody tried to take off her head. She wasn’t black. She was a middle aged white lady.

Then he segues to her. “What’s up? You look happier.” Well, she explains that she told Bree that the Scot was her real father, and that’s why the kid has been going a little wonky lately. Joe says, “Well, nobody thought you and Frank were Ozzie and Harriet. If you have a chance of real love, take it. Bree will understand.”

what if.jpg


7. Roger is going after my own heart here. Dark Shadows is on and he’s all about it. In case you didn’t know, this is a soap opera about Vampires. And yes, it was a lot better than whatever that stupid sparkly vampire book written by a hack several years ago.

Bree comes in to find him rotting his brain on daytime TV and asks what his colleagues at Oxford would say. He’s all, “They would probably be right here watching because they’re all big nerds just like me.”

He apologizes for showing up at the worst time possible, but then she’s fine with it. He expresses an interest in Boston Cream pie and lobster, and she’s all, “I can help you with that. But first I have to go do this thing at Harvard. There’s one last Frank thing we have to go through before getting into the meat of this episode.” and he is totally down with that because anywhere close to Bree is the best place to be.

8. Frank Randall is getting his own endowment program at Harvard. The dean is all, “Frank was good, he was great. Ra Ra Frank Randall.” Claire doesn’t want anything to do with this whole thing. Especially when she meets


This bitch here. Sorry, but I have little regard for Blondie Harlot. Now I understand that Frank had to get his jollies off with someone other than Claire because the whole Jamie is better than you think, but come on! I was waiting for Claire to splash a drink in her face. Remember the graduation party when Blondie showed up and embarrassed her? Yeah, I didn’t think you’d forget that day. Just for that, she should have gotten a Claire Fraser Slap. And notice I say Fraser, because the Randall section of her life is over, thankfully.

Did she actually think Claire would be sympathetic to her situation? “If you had released him, we would have had happiness.” Look, lady, I don’t know what Frank was telling you, but Claire talked about getting a divorce the very night you showed up in your chippy little dress. Did he not tell you that? No? Well then go away because you are going down the right road for a glass of wine in the face.

Spare me your emotionalism. Frank wasn’t a peach in the best Georgia pie you’d ever eaten. He was a downright scumbag. If that’s your thing, then you could have had him. But he refused a divorce, so shut your whore mouth, Sandra Dee.

9. Claire and Bree are walking out of the place talking about Blondie Harlot. Bree saw Frank talking to her in a bookstore once. And then she asks Claire to tell her the truth. Okay, here goes. “Frank was in love with her. They were seeing each other while he and I were married and raising you. And yes, I know I let it happen, and I wanted him to leave so he could be with her but that’s not how things worked out.”

Bree gets all sad for a minute because she thinks Frank didn’t love her. And Claire says, “No, he loved you like you were his own. I loved you. Neith one of us resented you at all. Even when you were born and I held you for the first time, there as nothing but you. It was the most powerful experience of my life.” And she’s right. Parenthood is something you can’t explain that makes you turn absolutely crazy. You really will never love anyone as much as you love your own children. Hell, when my kids were born, I wept. There is no way to explain this to someone who has never held their own newborn. No way in the world.

Claire also has another revelation. Roger found Jamie. Instead of getting upset about it, Bree is all, “Dude, you should totally go and find him! I’ll be fine. But you should go get that sexy hunk of Scot, err my dad.”

10. Watching the Apollo 8 broadcast with a bunch of doctors and nurses, Joe asks “How do you make a trip like that and come back to the world as you know it?” and Claire starts on one of here patented Claire VoiceOvers. He’s right. How do you come back after making a trip like that? I made a trip like that, only in time. You can come back to your life, but it’s not really the same. Can a person go more than once? Yes, Claire, you can go as much as you want. Duh.

11. She is sitting with Bree much later that day. She explains she could go but what will happen with Bree? Bree says she’ll be fine. Really. Go. Dude! Just get the hell out. Go back to Jamie. It is your destiny. “How will I be able to see you get married, walk you down the aisle, see your first grandchild?” and Bree is all, “Mom, there’s another few books to go. I think you’ll see all that in person. Remember I can go through the stones too, so there’s that. Dinna fash, mother.”

Bree finally reveals, “I’ve been wondering which father I’m more like, and the answer is neither. I’m a lot like you. Plucky, string minded, creative, and pretty much as close to a perfect woman as they come. I’ll be just fine, mom. Now go, get your dress together and go find my pops.”


12. I swear I’m going to make a commercial for “Fraser and Abernathy, MDs.” This scene is too funny. Claire asks him straight up, “Am I attractive?” and Joe is nothing if not honest.

“You’re a skinny white broad with too much hair and a nice ass,” he says. And she’s all, “Aww yeah..” She explains that she could go back to Bree’s father and he says, “Why not? Don’t worry about how you look. He’ll be in heaven when he sees you. After he passes out because he thinks you’re a ghost, that is.”


13. It’s Christmas and the family is exchanging gifts. Roger gives her a book of the history of Scotland and Claire is all, “I wish I had this book when I went through the first time.” Well it certainly would have helped, yeah?

Bree gives her a necklace with a topaz as the setting. It’s Bree’s birthstone. And Claire will need the gem so she can go through the stones. Then Bree asks what she’ll wear and Claire says, “I’ll make my own dress.”


14. Batman TV theme playing in 60s retro music while Claire is making her outfit for the trip is fulfilling all of my love for that show and Outlander at the same time. I am literally laughing my ass off during this entire montage.

She is finished. And she shows it off to the kids. Its not exactly a bat suit but it is pretty much the same thing. It has secret pocket so she can take all kinds of things with her. Like Penicillin, syringes, a batarang, scalpels, and some Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes because it’s been a while since I’ve thrown in a Harry Potter reference.

She has also colored her hair and looks like 18th century Claire again. Roger goes to get something to drink, leaving Claire and Bree to talk. Bree says, “Why don’t we go to the airport with you?” and Claire explains that she doesn’t want to do that because if they go to the stones together like they did in the book, Claire may never want to go.

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So a few drinks later, Claire is all set to go. But not before giving Bree the Pearl Necklace that we her mothers and her grandmother’s before that. Oh, and her resignation letter to Joe, because she isn’t coming back to this hospital ever again, I should think.

15. Then she goes off in a taxi to an uncertain future.
But not before we see Bree go into the kitchen, gather herself up, put on a Santa hat, and come back to the living room where Roger has one more present for her. A copy of A Christmas Carol by Darles Chickens. They set down to read it.

The taxi stops. It’s raining. And she gives the Puddle Prologue. She steps out of the taxi and into a puddle wearing the Batsuit dress.

SIDE NOTE: I don’t remember if they did the prologue in season 2, or if there was ever a chance to do it to begin with. If someone can tell me, that’d be great. I’m sure I have some loyal fans out there who will be able to give me an indication.

She is in 18th century Edinburgh. It’s day time, and she just mysteriously ended up here.

SIDE NOTE: On Screen Adaptations. When I took screenplay classes, there was a term that we learned called “Enter Late, Leave Early.” It was basically a truncated screen tactic to keep the action moving. Don’t show the detectives finding a clue and a person to talk to about that, then have them drive over there, get out of the car, ring the doorbell, and get introduced. Put them right there seconds later. We don’t need to see Claire getting into the airplane, the flight over the water to Scotland, going to the stones, and through them. We already know how that works. We want to see her step out of the taxi and be there already. The in between part is boring. That’s why they didn’t show it, and I’m glad. It would have added nothing to the production of this episode.

16. She finds a young child sweeping the streets in the middle of a day in Edinburgh, and asks him where Alexander Malcolm’s print shop is. He’s all, “Carfax Close, ma’am. Oh, and you want to pick up that Saran wrap you just dropped, ya litterbug?” (Book readers will get this)

She goes around the corner, sees this elaborate sign, A. Malcolm printer. And it’s a rather fancy sign for just a normal old printer. But the fans all squee because this is the moment we have been waiting for the last fourteen months. But it’s like two minutes to the end of this episode and I totes know what they’re going to do. She goes up to the door, steels herself for the coming storm, and walks through.

The bell rings, and I’m expecting a black out and roll credits. But it keeps going. Okay, let’s see where they end it. Then she hears Jamie say, “Geordie is that you?” and it jars her because it’s the first time she’s heard that particular slice of heaven in twenty years.

So she walks down the hall and sees him down below with his back to her. And she says, “No, it’s not Geordie, Jamie. It’s me, Claire.” He does a slow turn around, and we see him. But he doesn’t look at her like he’s happy. He’s horrified. And he just stands there for a second and then he passes out. Just goes down to the mat like a champ. Or someone who has just seen a ghost.

She’s all like,

wait what.jpg

So now we have a two week hiatus to find out what happens. The next episode will make up for it tho, with a 75 minute run time and probably a few hot scenes between our two favorite people in TV land. At least it’s not nine months between “I’ll thank you to take your hands off my wife.” and the rescue of Claire. Oh, and the next one is going to be totally not safe for work or kids. So put them to bed early because we can be guaranteed about 15 minutes of straight up Outlander porn.

So that’s it. See you next time. Oh, and since there wasn’t really any Jamie, here’s a guest Mooney eye look with our Favorite nerd, Roger Mackenzie. Don’t worry, the next week I’m sure I’ll have a million screen caps to choose from with our fair red haired lad.



Episode 304 Of Lost Things



Well, Where to start, huh? Because I don’t even have words at how emotionally rich this episode was. The ending literally had me in tears. Or as I like to call it, “My sinuses were acting up.”

Outlander is no slouch when it comes to addressing controversial topics, and this one had a subject that has been hotly debated online since the advent of chat rooms in the early days of the internet to social media. Everyone has an opinion about the Geneva Dunsany Affair. All of them have merit where it comes from the personal attitudes of the viewer or reader. However, I’ll let the original author herself explain the scene and be done with it. I happen to agree with her on all points.


I’ll talk more about my feelings on this scene when it comes up in the recap. Here goes.

1. We start in 1968 with Scooby and the gang looking over Old Man Wakefield’s files. They’re going over a very impressive backdrop about where Jamie could have wound up after Culloden. Prison records are doing them no good because Jamie wasn’t in prison until seven years after Culloden.

This fact is pointed out to them by Fiona when she brings in tea and talks about the Dunbonnet. And her scones, which she wants Roger to have because he’s much too thin. Apparently, Fiona is into pudgy well-fed guys and Roger doesn’t fit the bill yet.


Claire has a revelation when she is looking over the names from Ardsmuir prison and says she’s found him. Well, there it is in black and white, James Fraser of Broch Turach. Everyone is overjoyed, obviously. So Roger, who declares this is a great time to celebrate says, “It’s never too early for wiskey.” and dashes off to find some.

dude 9am

2. Then we are back in 1756 at Helwater, the Dunsany estate. The family is back from Italy, where Lady Isobel complains to Evans the butler that it was too hot. Geneva looks around for suitors to flirt with and sees none other than Farm Boy Fraser, the new groom.

After the introductions, Jamie is summoned to see the master of the house, Lord Dunsany. They have a short conversation wherein the good Lord tells Jamie that he knows he’s a prisoner, and he won’t tell his wife about it because their son was killed at Prestonpans.

“It just wouldn’t do to hear that we are harboring a notorious Jacobite criminal.” he says. “You’ll be paid, and if you can keep yourself out of trouble, everything will be fine.”

Jamie’s all, “I’ll try, but it’s kind of my thing to find trouble, or rather it finds me. So I’ll do my best, but this is a Diana Gabaldon novel after all, so there’s that, yeah?”

Try your best, anyway, would you please?

3. Roger and Bree are sitting by the side of the road nursing a car back to life. Well, Roger is trying. He has the hood up, which is a start, in the universal code to all other drivers on the road that “I’ve broken down and I have no fucking clue as to what I’m doing so could you help me out, please?”

Bree is teasing him about Fiona. “I thought at first she was your girlfreind,” says Bree, which startles him and makes him bang his head on the open hood.

“Girlfriend? Occh, no.” he says. Then She tells him to step out of the way so she can fix the car. Well, she reaches into the engine, snaps the zamaphrazit to the thingamajiggit coupling and tells him to try it again.

The car starts, obviously, because, in addition to being a time traveler, she’s also a regular Maguyver with machines.

owe you.jpg

4. Now it’s time for jamie to draw straws with the rest of the grooms. So he goes out to where the other guys are there, drawing to see who is unlucky enough to have to go with Geneva on her daily ride around the grounds. Some poor guy besides Jamie gets the worst pick, and as Geneva comes up she tells Jamie to go get her horse.

He does, but not quite fast enough for her, so she calls out for him to “Hurry up, useless Scotchman!” He comes out soon after, and the guy rides off with teenage hellion.

Lady Isobel hears the two men talking about her sister, and says, “Who needs what, the horse or my sister?” Well, they both look away guiltily, and are ready to apologize for the slight but Isobel says, “That’s okay, I think she needs a good slap too.”

Then she and Jamie share a conversation about Lord John. She starts out complaining that her father cages such magnificent creatures. Jamie’s all, “Yeah, you guys have the best stabels I’ve ever seen.” but she’s one of these tree hugging animal lovers and says, “A cage is still a cage.” with a very pointed look at Jamie. Like, “Is this your cage, Mr. Mackenzie?”

Anyway, she asks how long he’s been in the employ of Lord John. Jamie is adept at telling the truth here, even when it’s a certain blend of spin. He’s all, “Well, I’ve been in his charge for three years.”

I’ve been in love with him since childhood, and I find him to be a mysterious and delightful man.” she says. “I’ve thought about marrying him one day.”

lord john isobel

5. Doctor Abernathy calls Roger’s house wanting to talk to Claire. He tells her about somebody that needs a surgeon. “I’m sure you can do that, can’t you?” she says. Abernathy looks kind of crestfallen that he won’t be seeing his Lady Jane any time soon. “I’ll be back next week. See you then.” Then just hangs up on the guy.

6. Dunsany and the ladies are coming down the Helwater steps with the Earl of Ellesmere, the man who is betrothed to young Geneva Dunsany. He’s an old codger that is only doing this for the money. Yes, this is what happened back when women had absolutely no say in their own love lives. The men in the family sold them off for tremendous dowries like property.


While the men are talking about the upcoming nuptials, Jamie is cleaning the shoe of one of the carriage horses. And taking his damn sweet time about it, which asshole Ellesmere remarks about.

Later, the men are drawing straws again but no, Jamie’s on the hook for this one. She asks for him personally. So, resigned to his fate, he gets the horses ready and they go off to ride along the muddy trails of the Dunsany estate.

She asks what he thinks of Ellesemere, and Jamie says, “He’s nice, in the kind of way a toad is nice to look at maybe? I don’t know I can’t really say.” She demands Jamie to tell him Ellesmere‘s greatest attraction besides money. He says, “I don’t really think of such things.” Then she calls him a liar. Well, Jamie stops. You can call him anything you want, but that.

He’s all, “I think we should go back,” but she isn’t having any of it. “It’s still light out, and you have to do my bidding.” So she rides off into the woods and Jamie pauses. Then his protective nature overcomes him and he goes after her.

A few seconds later, he hears a scream and comes around the path to find her sprawled on the ground, presumably unconscious. So he does the noble thing and runs to her. After picking her up, something you should never do without discerning injuries (did you learn nothing from Claire, Jamie? Shame on you.)

Then she opens her eyes and starts laughing. Well, if there’s one thing our boy Mr. Fraser doesn’t like, it’s being played for a fool. So he unceremoniously drops her in the mud and stomps off.

dirty girl

Later, Lord John and Jamie are out playing chess in the woods when the Ladies Dunsany show up with none other than General Melton, of His Majesty’s Tenth Dragoons. This scene is fraught with tension, and Melton must stand with this deception with Lord John because he looks kind of blind sided by the whole meeting up with Mr. Fraser.

Naturally, Melton can’t say a word in order to keep decorum. When asked by Isobel how they have done without him, Melton simply says “If it were up to me, I would never have let such a man go. But it was up to my brother,” he finishes.

Geneva doesn’t buy this at all, so she says “Let’s go play cribbage” to Melton and he agrees if only to get out of this tense situation.

john melton.jpg

Then he looks at his brother like, “Dude, one of these days I’m going to slap the shit out of you for this.”

7. The next day, Jamie and another groom are shoveling shit, which just looks to me like they are dumping it into a pile on one side of a wall, and then shoveling it to another side of the wall. This seems kind of redundant to me, but he, I’m not a groom and I’ve never shoveled shit, except that one time at my grandfather’s barn, but then I was putting it into a cart hitched to his tractor and then he took off and some of it rocketed out of the back of the cart and sprayed me all over so I was almost covered in it. Yeah, happy days.

Anyway, enough about my bucolic shit shoveling days. Geneva comes to him and starts casually mentioning to him that she doesn’t want to marry Ellesmere, and frankly no one can blame her. the dude could be her grandfather, which is eww gross.

She tells Jamie to come up to her room tonight. Well, he’s having none of that because reasons. and she says, Maybe I can convince you. See, I was talking to General Melton about you, and he told me an interesting story about how you’re Red Jamie Fraser, the notorious Jacobite who may have killed my brother at Prestonpans. And if my mother were to get ahold of this information, well… maybe you’d be back in prison.”

Well, Jamie ain’t going out like that, but he still refuses. he’s getting really pissed here and then Geneva drops another little bit of info. “By the way, I’m sure Lallybroch would be a nice garrison for the English.” and that’s his breaking point. Because it’s Lallybroch. Well that’s all home boy needed to make a decision. She won’t tell about any of this if he comes to her room that night.

as you wish

Talk about being stuck between a rock and another rock.

8. Anyway, he does it. but not before making a lot of fucking noise coming into the house. The people who own this place are wealthy, wouldn’t they have put some WD-40 on that hinge?

He goes up the stairs to Geneva’s room and there she is waiting wearing just a nightgown. She says, “Thanks for coming, Jamie.“ but he says, “Don’t call me by that name. You threatened my family home and I’m not going to let you call me by the name they gave me. You can call me Alex.“ So she says, “Well, Alex, disrobe.”

What am I in a doctor’s office now? He’s thinking. But he starts and she looks away. but the female audience isn’t. they want to get every inch of that fine man’s body in their minds for later… He tells Lady Dunsany that she can look.

the look.jpg

So he goes to her, but she doesn’t know what to do so he can teach her. “I want my first time to be with someone like you,” she tells him. and I’m thinking, “Doesn’t every woman? I mean, come on. this guy’s ass alone is the best on TV. in real life, I’m sure you could bounce a quarter off of it. What hot-blooded woman wouldn’t want to grab a handful of that?

So he teaches her the fine art of love in a bona fide JAMMF style love scene. When they’re done, he asks if he hurt her. She says, yeah a little but after a few minutes, I liked it. then she goes all virgin sorority girl to the player quarterback and says “I love you, Alex.”
Well, Jamie ain’t having any of that, either. he sits up and says, “You don’t love me. that’s your body talking, not your heart. Love is when you give your all for someone and they give theirs in return.” which is kind of a slap in the face to her because she knows he’s not all in for her because he’s still thinking about his wife.

SIDE NOTE: So there’s been all kinds of complaints on social forums about this scene. the common complaint was that it didn’t need to be so graphic, that it was too long, that it wasn’t necessary to show the whole scene from beginning to end in real time, etc. to which I say, Poppycock! this was the conception scene for a character that is one of the main ones in the later books. this was Jamie’s son they were making. People may say he wasn’t very honorable and he was just using her. And why not? He was put into the unenviable position of having to bed her to save his life and that of his family. He’s going to get something out of it, so he did. And I don’t blame him one bit. Ask any guy, they would say the same. Sure, he was gentle at first, but then he just let himself go and that was it. it was simply sex for the sake of sex.

Oh, and if you’re one of those that doesn’t like to see a lot of sex, I would remind you that the later episodes are going to be filled with it. Episode 6 is going to be a scorcher between Jamie and Clarie. and this is something we’ve waited over a year and a half for. So you know it will be a long one. just cover your eyes or fast forward through the naughty bits and you’ll be fine.

9. Later, we see a very visibly pregnant Lady Geneva Ellesmere coming home to visit the family and there’s Jamie like, “Aww yeah, my bairn.”
10. Wherein we have a few minutes in the future and Fiona gives Claire the pearl necklace that Jamie gave Claire on their wedding night. (Oy, you in the back! Stop sniggering! It’s not that kind of pearl necklace!)

Brianna sees her come into the room and is all excited because the library in Edinburgh has a huge archive of ships manifests. Claire is kind of wistful here because all she is thinking about is that night. Bree says, “Is everything alright mama?” and Claire gives her a hug saying “You haven’t called me that for a long time.”

Well, later on in the den, Roger and Bree are talking. She’s a bad person for not wanting her mother to go. What if she can’t get back, or what if something happens, or what if she doesn’t want to go? And Roger is all, “That just makes you a caring daughter. I don’t want her to find him either, because then you’ll be going back to Boston.”

And she’s so overwhelmed by this cuteness that she just plants a wet kiss on him. and they both agree that was unexpected. Well, it’s such a surprise that she gets up and walks away. Aww man, Roger, you missed your chance for a full on make out session in front of a fire on the couch? Go after her, you nerd!

11. All is not right with Geneva’s pregnancy. Isobel comes running to Jamie and tells him to make ready to go to the Ellesmere estate. So he goes with the family to find out what’s going on. And it is a hell of a lot.

Geneva is dying. But the child is safe and healthy so there’s a plus. Maids and family members are rushing around, while Jamie just stands there pacing like all expectant fathers throughout history. Then he hears Isobel down the hall crying. He goes to find out what’s up, and she’s pissed. When Jamie goes to comfort him, she slaps the daylights out of him. But he keeps his cool because he’s seen women going nuts before and the best strategy is to remain calm and let them get it all out.

“Geneva died in childbirth. Ellesmere knew the child wasn’t his. Geneva told Isobel everything, and Geneva loved you!” But before he can explain anything, a maid comes down the hall yelling, “Come quick, there’s trouble!”

And that trouble involves a very upset Ellesmere and Lord Dunsany. Now I’ve watched a few times and all I hear is “Whore, another man’s cock, and poltroon.” It’s all babbling to me, but they’re clearly upset. Ellesmere holds a knife to the baby. Dunsany pulls a gun. Ellesmere is threatening to send the baby to the hospital, Dunsany is going to send Ellesmere to the morgue.

But Jamie’s cool demeanor calms the guys enough to actually make Dunsany give him the gun. He tries to get the knife from Ellesmere, but the man just doubles down on the killing of the bastard and raises the knife to kill William. Jamie’s all, “Aw, hell no!” and straight up shoots the bastard in the face.

Then he runs over to get the child and see it safe. And Jamie holding a bairn is something we can all say is probably one of the most precious things on earth.

jamie baby (2)

12. A few days go by and there’s the baby getting wheeled around the grounds by Isobel. She sees Jamie riding by and calls for him to talk. She tells him it’s all good, they named the boy William, after his father, and she’s sorry for the anger when Geneva died. “It wasn’t your fault, I just wanted to blame someone. My sister was a difficult woman, obviously, but you were kind to her. I mean besides dumping her in the mud that one time. But we’re cool. Oh and my mom wants a few words.”

Lady Dunsany comes over and explains that a court of inquiry determined that in his grief, the Earl of Ellesmere killed himself. Nothing was mentioned of the groom that saved the baby’s life. So jamie is in the clear.

“Also,” she says, “I know who you are. I know you’re a prisoner, and you fought in the rising and you’re a notorious criminal. But you’re cool with me and I’ve talked to the authorities and it’s been determined that you’re free to go whenever you want to go home.” So just like that, Jamie kills a guy and gets his freedom. Which is awesome.

But it kind of sucks because he’s looking down at his son and doesn’t want to leave so he says, “I’ll stay here for the time being if it’s all the same to you.” and she’s all, “What for? You’re free to go.”

“Well, if you knew my sister and what’s going on back home, I don’t think you’d want to go there either. And she also said she’d stay mad at me forever, and never forgive me and she kinda sorta sounded like she meant it, ken? And if you ever saw her pissed off, you wouldn’t want to be around Jenny either. So if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stay here and hang out with y’all.”

So she says, “Okay, but whenever you want to leave, you’re free to go.”

13. Fast forward to 1764, and here’s young willie looking all handsome and Jamie like while riding a horse. Folks are starting to talk about how Willie looks like Jamie and they’ve been hanging around with each other an awful lot. You know, riding horses together, cleaning windows in carriages, etc. Jamie looks in the window at one point after looking at his son and sees what people are talking about.

the boy meme

14. We’re at the national archives, where Roger and the gang are looking through old boat manifests. They’re all wrong though, about a hundred years off. So Roger goes to the woman in charge and she says, “Sorry, that’s all we have.” So they’re out of luck on that front. Turns out trying to find a needle in a two hundred year old haystack is proving more difficult than they expected.

Later, in a bar, They’re all at the bar having a dram and commiserating. Bree says, “We’ll find him, don’t give up hope. Oh, and by the way, what are all these guys looking at?”

Claire, ever the feminist, says, “We aren’t supposed to be sitting here, but guess what, this is 1968, and we can go where any man can, even if it is a bar to drown our sorrows.” Then she says, “This is what Mrs. Graham warned me about. Chasing ghosts. Well the chase is over, so it’s time to go home.”

15. Jamie says the same thing a few seconds later to young Willie. Willie wants to go with him, but Jamie says he can’t go. “You have to do as I say, I’m your master!” willie says at one point. Jamie tells him to respect his elders. Well, the kid won’t be having any of it. He goes off on a tear, knocking over water pails and generally behaving like a stubborn Scot when he doesn’t get his way. Jamie grabs him and whaps him on the butt a couple of times and turns him around.

“I hate you!” the boy says. And Jamie answers that he’s not very fond of the boy at this very moment, ya wee bastard! Which happens to any father who encounters a child who is rambunctious and prone to temper tantrums in the street.

Well, this calmed Willie down enough to say, “Im not a bastard, take it back!” to which Jamie does because it was a Freudian slip and he regrets it the moment he says it and due to Sam’s acting skills, you can see it before he says anything.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have used that word,” Jamie says. “I take it back.” And then he hugs the boy and it’s all over. And my heart is breaking for these two because they won’t have the true father son bond that either of them really wants or needs.

16. Lord John and Jamie share a moment of friendship right out of the books and it’s wonderfully emotional. Jamie wants John to look after Willie for him. As a reward for this kindness, Jamie offers John his body.

john meme

But John is all, “Dude, no way. I’m going to marry Isobel. We’ll take Willie as our son and raise him. He’ll be fine. Jamie says “You will always have my friendship, for what it’s worth.” The men shake hands. And John says, “It’s worth quite a bit.”

And I’m just almost in tears because I love both of these guys. Yeah, I’m a big mushy dope.

17. Jamie is putting some stuff up on an altar and lights a candle in front of St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. Willie knocks on the door and Jamie tells him to come in. He tells Jamie “My granny says only stinking papists burn candles in front of graven images.” And Jamie says, “Well then I guess I’m a stinking papist.” Willie asks who he’s praying for and he tells the boy the people he has lost. Claire, Murtagh, and Willie, his brother, who is named Willie.

I didn’t know you were married, the boy says. Jamie says that he remembers her every day and that Willie will have a wife one day. “You’ll find her, or she will find you,” Remembering how he and Claire met the first time in that hovel with a dislocated shoulder.

I had forgotten that for some reason, which is another reason than blood to love the kid. And wee Clark Butler is really killing it here. He tells Jamie, “I want to be a stinking papist so I can say stinking papist more than any other person in any other show ever from now until doomsday.” Because damn they say that about ten times this scene.

Jamie christens him James and tells Willie, that’s his special Stinking Papist name.

Then he shows Willie the snake he carved for him. It’s got your name on it. And I’m just choked up right now because reasons.



Just seeing this makes the tears start to flow.


Oh, and to all you child actors out there who look like Sam Heughan, get cracking on reading these books yesterday because in a few years you will have a chance at a great part.

18. Then it’s a montage of going home. Claire and Bree are leaving on a jet plane. Jamie is leaving on a horse, and Willie runs after him in a classic “Come Back Shane!” moment that has me literally bawling and it’s heartbreaking. When that first line of the Bob Dylan cover starts, “Where are you, my blue-eyed boy?” I can’t hold back anymore and I’m ugly crying at this point.

People are looking at me in the break room wondering if my dog died or something and I’m just, “No, it’s Outlander, duh!” And then I realize this is my favorite episode of the season and so is 104 and 204. What the hell, guys, one-third of the way through every season you knock it out of the stratosphere.

Anyway, that wraps it up. I’ll try to get 305 out on a timely basis but my work schedule will probably be murder next week so I’ll let folks know when it’s up. I don’t want to rush it, and due to the two-week hiatus, I’ll have a few days longer to take my time and get it right.

Oh, and you know that they’re’ going to end on the bell ringing in the print shop blackout, right? Because they totally are. And that is gonna suucck.

So here you go, your Jamie Mooney Eye pic of the week.


Sorry it’s with Geneva, but don’t fret, it’ll be with Claire in a couple of episodes.

Episode 303 All Debts Paid

All Debts Paid.

I am loving this season. The writing is top notch, acting is excellent, and I can’t stress enough how delighted I am to be seeing Voyager come to life. I’ve seen crappy TV shows before, and I have to tell you, this one is probably better than 99% of the dreck we see every day. Episode titles are the best so far because they offer up a theme for the week, a narrative thread if you will. This one was perfect, in that Lord John Grey has a debt to pay to Jamie and Frank owes a debt to Claire.

Oh, and let’s have a frank discussion about Frank here. I was all prepared to be in his corner this episode. In the book, there were hints and inferences to his affairs. Most readers thought he did have affairs and Herself said she wanted to infer it, but never show any real evidence so the readers could make up their minds. I like to think during their discussion before he died in the book that he was honorable enough not to consummate any dalliance he may have had. Apparently, the producers decided to go full on Jerk with him and make those affairs a reality. So after this episode, I am no longer in his corner. Especially since they decided to make him a complete cad. Oh, and the fact he wanted to take Bree away from Claire. That pissed me off too, in both iterations. I have personal reasons why that upset me as well and I won’t get into it here. Let’s just say, Claire’s anger is fully justified.

Also, sad to say Tobias is gone from the show now. Maybe we’ll see him in other scenes, flashbacks perhaps where the story demands it, so I can’t say he’s completely gone. However, for the narrative, I don’t expect to see him much in the later episodes. He was a damn fine actor, and he deserves all the awards he gets. One thing though, even though Frank and Black Jack Randall were, in essence, villainous characters, I would hate to see people bash Tobias online for his excellent portrayal of both characters. It has happened before with other actors, and I pray it doesn’t happen to him.

So let’s get to it.

1. Frank is fixing a proper English Breakfast for Claire. It’s several years after the birth of Bree, and he’s horrified that she has asked for Eggo Waffles. (Were they even a thing in the 50’s?) he’s acting like, “Oh my god, she’s so American. I have to give her some culture from her home country. You want to do that, serve her some parritch. Oh wait, we can’t do that because she’s Frank’s daughter. And we can’t mention her real dad anywhere but between the two of us, right Claire?

They’re sitting down to it, and Claire is all, “So let’s go to dinner tonight and maybe we can see a show after?” She’s trying to have a sense of civility between the two of them, but then he’s all, “Nope. Seen both those shows already….” and the “With someone else” hangs heavy in the conversation. I love how these two do more communicating in silence then they do actually speaking. Even though they’re not a truly loving couple, she still seems hurt that he’s sleeping around. Frank, dude, SHE’S FUCKING TRYING! UGH! There are so many times I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle him. Get over your wounded pride and at least try to be a loving husband for God’s sake. He says he’s being discreet. That’s all well and good but you shouldn’t be having affairs TO BEGIN WITH!

I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset. Apparently, that’s impossible this episode.

Bree comes down to eat, with a drawing of something she’s inventing. Probably a particle accelerator or a smartphone or something, who knows. Claire says it’s wonderful, and there’s a silence between Her and Frank that is palpable.

Oh, and just because you agreed to an open marriage, doesn’t mean you should jump through that open door to a fiery pit like you‘ve got wings on your shoes. At least try to be a good guy to your family, I know you have a semblance of honor, Frank.

claire sideye

2. Then we are in Ardsmuir Prison, where Highlanders go to catch rats and get scurvy. There’s a new warden getting shown around and he is one handsome piece of something on a stick. Lord John Grey is a fan favorite, and we finally get to see him in all his glory. And boy can he wear a uniform. Move over Tom Brittney as the reigning English Cutie, because LJG just took hotness to a factor 11.
The old warden is showing him around, telling him about the local booze merchants, the Frenchman’s Gold, and the local civilization. Lord John asks him about local culture, and the Warden scoffs.

local culture.jpg

Later on, in the cells, the men are talking about the new warden. Jamie is discussing the man with someone out of frame, and as the camera pans over, we see Murtagh, alive and well and living in Ardsmuir. Maybe not well, he’s been plagued with rat bites. But he’s ALIVE! Apparently, #SaveMurtagh worked.

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And the fans go wild! Even though we only see him in this episode, there are several storylines that are now opened to be changed by his existence. We’ll have to wait and speculate on when he will arrive in the coming seasons. Maybe that’ll be one of the main talking points during the next Droughtlander on when or where he and his magical eyebrows will pop up next.

Jamie says, “I think I’ve seen him before, but I cannae place him.” Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, Mac Duh, you’ll find out soon enough. “All the muggles look the same, did you take the measure of the man?” Murtagh asks. “He stands tall, with a ramrod up his arse.”

Jamie is giving him medicinal advice, and Murtagh asks, “Where did you learn all that?” and Jamie’s all, “From this awesome lass I used to bed…” and he looks all wistful and teary-eyed. During this whole conversation, Murtagh is fiddling with a small scrap of Fraser tartan which they aren’t supposed to have at all. Murtagh hides it in a safe place and I’m sure we won’t see that little plot device again this episode.

SIDE NOTE: They did film a scene with a lead up to the flogging, but it didn’t make the cut. I don’t know why since I’ve read the sides of it and it would have been a great scene to watch. Ah well, we’ll have to wait till the DVD comes out to see it I guess.

3. Jamie gets called to the new Governor’s office, where he finally gets to meet the man. Lord John offers Jamie the same deal as the previous governor had and Jamie agrees. Another prisoner brings in Lord John’s dinner, and soon after, a rat scurries across the floor. Lord John is horrified that a prison has rats in. “Is there a cat in the prison?” he asks. When the answer is affirmative, he demands one be brought up to his office.

Then he asks Jamie, “Are there rats in the cells?” and Jamie says, “A great many.”

For a second, it looks like John is kind of guilty for eating a fine meal while prisoners are dining on vermin. Then Jamie takes a few steps forward with a foreboding look in his eyes. “I dinna ken what you did to get sent here, but I hope you deserved it.” Then He and the other prisoner get led away while Lord John sits back and sighs.

ovary meme.jpg

4. Claire has finally finished Med School and she’s officially a doctor. She is standing with Abernathy while Brianna is taking pictures with a camera she made out of broken transistors, some old wire, a cardboard box, a snowglobe, and one of her mother’s discarded bras. Claire and Abernathy are hugging companionably while Bree snaps a picture.

think it is.jpg

And then the child asks Mom and Dad to get into frame.


This is a party for Claire and the graduating class of doctors. The party is in full swing, but Frank asks, “When are the reservations for the restaurant? I thought it was at six.” And Claire is all, “Nope, it’s seven o’clock, pay attention, you dolt!” He seems upset, and a few minutes later, we find out why. There’s a knock at the door, and Claire goes to see who it is, all smiles and a warm disposition.

Then she opens the door.

Frank comes into the hallway, and she shoos Bree out of the room. Then, she’s all, “You couldn’t wait for us to leave before you brought your little chippy into the house? I see.” then she goes into the living room, grabs up her purse and tells the rest they’ll go to the restaurant together and sit at the bar till the table is ready because Mama Claire is going to get her drunk on. And I don’t blame her.

And there’s Frank and Blondie standing there while everyone walks past him with looks on their faces like Cersie Lannister walking the path of shame.

5. Then there’s an old man walking down the road somewhere around the prison when a cart of soldiers comes to him. He’s muttering about gold and other gibberish. The redcoats scoop him up and take him to the prison. This is apparently a kinsman to Jamie because Lord John brings Jamie out to the yard to ask for his assistance.

“I need you to decipher what he is saying. He’s speaking Gaelic, French, a smattering of Klingon, and who knows what else. Since you know every language known to man, maybe you could help out, yeah?”
Jamie says “No,” at first, because he’s a prisoner and there’s a conflict of interest. Then Lord John offers him a bargain. “Do it, and I’ll strike your chains.” but Jamie comes back with a counteroffer.



R.I.P Hugh Hefner.


6. Frank arrives home to a woman who is about to give no quarter. She’s smoking, in the house. And she’s had a few too many drinks. So has he, by the looks of him. This can’t be good. Well, it’s a right angry stramash between the both of them. Frank humiliated Claire in front of her friends. He knew how important this day was for her, but he invited the blonde harlot over anyway.


So they calm down for a few minutes and she says, “Let’s stop the pretense. I’ll grant you a divorce and you’ll have your freedom.” Then he says, “Yes, Jerry divorced Millie and he gained his freedom. But he hardly sees the kids anymore. And all I’m thinking is “Wait, Millie and Jerry got divorced? How did this happen? They seemed like a loving couple. Aww, come on! If anyone could have lasted, it was those two. Weren’t they kissing and having googly eyes together at dinner the last episode? This is totally unfair!”

Anyway, he’s not going to file for divorce. He wants to do it in a few more years when it will hurt Claire more. Because he’s a SOB like that. He’s going through another “Wounded Pride” moment and its pissing all of us off. Oh, and when a woman asks if you’ve had your chippy little harlot in your bedroom, the answer is “No!” You don’t hem and haw and offer up the lame excuse like “I think our bedroom is crowded enough as it is.” because that’s a “Yes.”

7. Jamie is led into the room where they’re keeping Duncan Kerr. He tells the guy that he’ll have to tell the English about what he says. So the man goes on about the gold, how it’s cursed, Ellen Mackenzie, selkies by the sea, and a whole lot of other nonsense that Jamie can’t make out. Lord John at one point gets impatient and wants to hurry it up.

Then the man says “Beware the white witch,” and this catches Jamie’s attention. “What was that?” and the man says, “She’s looking for a Mackenzie. She will come for you…” and dies.


Lord John asks what the man said, but Jamie only gives him the basics of “White witches and selkies.” John thinks he is holding back, but Jamie says he always keeps his word. It’s an interesting scene here because it shows these two playing a power game. Jamie is in control here, and Lord John can’t do anything about it. Even when he threatens pain upon Jamie, it doesn’t work.

“I’ve had all kinds of pain done to me, sir. Try if you must.” Basically saying, “Dude, I’ve had so much shit happen to me, there’s nothing you could do that would make me talk. Oh, you could try, but I don’t think you’ve got the grapes.”


8. Claire and Frank are singing a birthday song for Brianna and talking about wishes. Claire says not to wish for a car, because that idea is right out, unless that wish is for Frank to be in said car, and said car goes flying over a cliff in a fiery crash. Frank is all, “Don’t’ be so sure.” Well, Bree blows out the candles, and while it is supposed to be a happy event, I get the sense from the both of them that this is all about going through the motions for the kid. And I know far too many marriages are probably like that. Which is sad, really.

9. Then we go back to Murtagh drinking something out of a cup and he’s complaining about it. “This is worse than the crap you gave me last time. And Jamie’s all, “Dude, I’m no Claire, give me a break. I’m going off of memory here, and most of my memories involve beds and shifts dropping to the floor.”

He asks what happened with the babbling man and Jamie’s all, “It was a mad rant. He didn’t say anything much about the gold. All I could decipher was he talked about a White Witch looking for a Mackenzie. “And you think it’s her?” Murtagh says. Jamie replies that he doesn’t know. Then they reminisce about Claire and the bairn. Jamie says he tries not to think about it. But Jamie, that’s impossible. How do you forget your one true love and the kid you have in another timeline? You don’t, that’s what.

Then Jamie is summoned away to Lord John’s office again. When he gets there, John says he’d like to keep the same dinner arrangement with Jamie as did the former warden. Jamie is hesitant because this is, to him, another way to get information about the Frenchman’s Gold and what the old man said. So he’s not buying it.

Jamie has a few other requests. One, he’d like to arrange a hunt so the men can have whatever meat they catch. John scoffs at this notion. He’s not going to let them have weapons. Jamie’s all, “Dude, not weapons. Let them prepare snares and stuff with string and twigs. Oh, one more thing. We can get watercress to eat.”

“What on earth for?” John says. Jamie’s says, “So they won’t get scurvy. I know it sounds crazy but my wife told me about it and I don’t have scurvy yet so there’s that, yeah.” John looks like, oh darn, he’s married. But all hope is not lost for John when Jamie says, “She’s gone.“ Lord John pauses and then says, “I shall take your requests under consideration. Shall we begin?”

So they sit down to dinner of Roast Pheasant and wine. Jamie tears into it like a man dying of hunger. Later on, he regales the men in the cells with what he ate, how it tasted, and what wine he had to drink. And this is what passes for entertainment in Ardsmuir Prison. I’m suddenly sad for all of them all over again.

10. Later, we see the men going through a hunt. There are a few guards watching with weapons, but when they turn their backs, Jamie and a couple of other men make a well-timed escape by jumping into a ditch and having the men put bushes over his body.

Oh, and one guy caught a rabbit. So he’s eating high on the hog tonight.

Well, naturally the escape doesn’t sit well with Lord John because he’s lost his favorite Scottish prisoner. The search brings them to an island with a ruined chapel on it. And I’m thinking, “Who builds a chapel on an island off the Scottish coast that’s surrounded by deep water, treacherous tides, and bull selkies that could eat you with extremely large tusks? No wonder it’s a ruin!”

Then we find Lord John peeing outside the prison for some reason and Jamie comes up behind him all stealthy like and grabs him from behind. “That’s how it’s done Lord John Grey, second son of Vicount Melton.” and Johnny boy is all, “Dude, you remember?”

They go back to that night where Lord John tried to capture Jamie and got tied to a tree for his troubles. “It brought incredible shame to me and my family, and I regret it to this day,” John says.

“And your brother was a very honorable gentleman. So that debt is discharged.” Jamie answers. “But I also remember your promise.”

John looks horrified by this because what he said back then holds no bearing now because he likes our ginger-haired hero as much as we all do. Jamie puts the sword in the dirt, kneels down and says, “Well, here I am.”

But John just goes up and grabs the sword, puts it up against Jamie’s neck, and then puts it back in his scabbard. “I’m not going to kill an unarmed prisoner.”

11. Jamie and John are out of earshot of the prison, and Jamie tells him about the escape and why. “My wife was a white witch. I thought he was talking about her so I had to go see for myself.”

“But what about the gold?” John answers. “There is none. It’s all a myth.” Jamie says.


But as evidence that he’s telling the truth, Jamie produces a sapphire and hands it over. “I was holding on to this just in case she was there, and we could go and live happily ever after somewhere.” and Lord john replies, “Oh, Jamie, you’re so cute. You do know this is a Diana Gabaldon novel, there is no ‘Happily Ever After’.”
A guy can dream, can’t he?

12. It’s graduation day! Wow, this kid grew up fast. Wasn’t it last episode she was crawling around inventing new ways to get out of a crib? Now she’s going up and getting her diploma at high school. She’s eighteen and leaving school.

And there’s the proud parents of the teen, acting all normal and praising her like perfectly normal happy parents do. Watching Frank here, he’s like, “Finally, I can get out of this loveless marriage.” The way he looks at her makes me angry and sad at the same time.

13. And then Murtagh gets a doctor. He’s going to live to see another season. Woohoo! And I know they are just keeping him around so they can give him a really awesome and heroic death where he saves Jamie and Claire at some point in future. And it’s going to be sad and tug at our heartstrings. But right now we can be happy he’s still up and moving those fabulous eyebrows around again.

John and Jamie are playing chess, talking about the loves they lost. Lord John lost someone special to him at Culloden. Jamie did too, but he doesn’t know if she’s dead or not. (Psst, Jamie, she’s alive, and looking for you) he tells John that he met her, that night they first met.

“I knew you were honorable that night. What you did for the woman you didn’t know, giving your life so she could be free, that was a brilliant move. And I respect that.”

John reaches over and touches Jamie’s hand, a little too formally for just friendship. Jamie looks at him with a different look.

the look

“Remove your hand, or I will kill you,” he says evenly, making no bones about how serious he is about that. Lord John does, saying nothing in the process. Jamie gets up and leaves the room.

14. Frank tells Claire that he wants to take Brianna to England with him. She’s eighteen now and she will have better opportunities there with regards to colleges. In fact, Frank still has some pull with Oxford. Well, this is a blindside to Claire. He also wants a divorce. So basically, he wants to divorce Claire and take her daughter to a foreign country where she will barely ever see her mother. Claire doesn’t exactly jump at this notion for obvious reasons. I mean, come on, Frank. In what world does this make sense? I understand you are upset with her, but this is a total douchebag move. Oh, and he wants to marry Blonde harlot.

“Okay, so let me get this straight. You want to divorce me, take my child to another country, and marry some whore you’ve been sleeping with for the past ten years. Is that right?” Claire says, “And you’ve been biding your time. We talked about this a long time ago. Sure, I’ll give you a divorce, but you are not taking MY daughter. With the emphasis on MINE!”

Frank Randall, you lived up to the book. You could have had the best woman ever, but you ruined it. All because of your stupid honorable pride and selfishness. Sorry, I am no longer in your corner.

Frank says, “I thought you would have forgotten about him given enough time.”

“That amount of time doesn’t exist,” is her only reply. And my heart is crushed. And so is Frank’s. So he turns and leaves the house.

The phone rings as he leaves. There’s someone who needs Doctor Claire Randall, PhD.

15. The prisoners are being marched into Ardsmuir square. They are going to be sent to the colonies for 14-year stints as indentured servants for the crown. A couple of guards come to Jamie and drag him away to be hooked up to Lord John. Apparently, he isn’t going to the colonies with Murtagh. Darn it all to hell! So they share a wordless goodbye as Jamie is being pulled by a rope behind John’s horse.

“Where are you taking me?” Jamie finally asks. It seems like a few days, maybe an afternoon, who knows. It’s a traveling montage so we can never really tell. Then they come to a stop. John tells him they’re going to Helwater, the estate of Lord Dunsany and his family. Since Jamie hasn’t been released to go to the colonies, this is the best Lord John can do. He will check in every quarter to make sure he’s doing okay, but he can’t do anything else for him until the Crown deems it so.

“Why are you doing this for me?” Jamie asks. “You owe me nothing. Your brother already paid your debt to me.”

John is so cool here. One of the reasons I love him. “My brother released the family debt to you. I now release the debt I owe to you.” He takes the rope off of Jamie’s wrists and tells him “Shall we go? By the way, they’re not too disposed to the Stuart cause, so don’t tell them you’re a Jacobite. You’ll be a groom until such a time as you’re pardoned.”

16. Back at the hospital, Claire is telling a family member that the person she just helped is fine, and she’ll be on the mend soon. It’s a happy moment for about a flat minute until Abernathy comes in.

“What’s up?” she asks. Abernathy says gravely, “It’s Frank. There’s been an accident.”

“Well it’s about time…” is what her face says. She runs to the morgue because apparently, theirs is the only hospital around. She sees Frank on the slab, starts to cry, puts her hands on his face, and says, “If you are still close enough to hear me, I always loved you. You were my first love.” then she kisses him with tears in her eyes.

Aww. See Frank? You didn’t need to be an adulterous jerk after all. Come on! Haven’t you ever heard the phrase “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” She was everything to you, and all you had to do was lose the pride. Now, look where it’s got you. A wife who misses her husband, that’s what.


All in all a pretty solid episode. There was a lot of stuff at Ardsmuir Prison that could have stretched to another episode, but I understand why it seems they are flying through things. They have 13 episodes to keep to the main arc of the story so they have to rush. I get it. Maybe once they get the two of them together it will slow down a bit. And to be honest, the search part of the novel was a bit dry, so I was really fast-forwarding to the Jamie bits on the second reading. His story seemed a much more interesting than Claire’s. Once they get to the past though, things may speed up like they do in the book. We’ll see.


Until next week I’ll leave you with the Jamie Mooney Eye pic of the week.