213 Dragonfly in Amber

213 Dragonfly in Amber

Well, here it is. The last episode and the start of Droughtlander 2.5. It’s been a pretty good season so far. Yes, there’ve been some hiccups along the way and not everyone has been happy with the adaptation. However, they did a great job with the source material and hit all the high points. I’ll give a more detailed POV of the season a bit later when I’ve gone through everything a bit later. But for now, let’s get on with the recap shall we?

1. So Roger is watching “The Avengers”, a popular show back in 1968. Well, he’s obviously sad about something or other. Fiona, Mrs. Graham’s granddaughter comes in to tell him that the guests are awaiting him.


And I’m thinking, “Wait a minute, what are we doing in the future? I thought this was going to be the battle of Culloden we’ve been building up to all this season.”

2. Is that an adult Claire? Wow, she’s gotten old. Nice hair though, right? Anne Bancroft anyone?

SIDE NOTE: I think they aged her too much. I didn’t imagine she had any grey in her hair when I read the book. Maybe it was mentioned, but then again I have an idea in my head as to what Claire looks like, it remains unchanged for some reason. Does anyone else think that?

Roger goes on with a poem about glasses clinking and everyone must be drinking, and Claire can go along with that because, alcohol. Apparently, Roger is mourning his adoptive father, Reverend Wakefield. And I’m going to miss his “Poppycock and falderal and fiddle faddle.”

3. Then a woman who looks just like Mrs. Fitz and sounds just like Mrs. Fitz but really isn’t Mrs. Fitz tells Roger, “He always had a sense of humor.” and it’s a cute little nod to when Mrs. Graham said the same thing to Claire in episode 1.

But then Roger sees Brianna Randal in all her blue dressed splendor, and goes to see who it is, but not before being stopped by several guests who wish to give him condolences on his father’s death.


Roger goes to find her, but she instead finds him. “Are you Roger Wakefield?” she asks, and after fumbling for about two seconds he says, “Yes, baby doll, I’d be anybody for a dame like you.” Because he knows he’s going to try to get with this girl totally. I mean, like get together and make all her babies.

She introduces herself as Brianna Randall, and soon Claire shows up to say her hellos. And I swear there are times when she is looking at him like, “I want to make all the babies with you.”

tall glass meme

So during the conversation Roger realizes its Claire Randall. Yes, That Claire Randall, the “Went through the stones and came back three years later Claire Randall.” Brianna says she’s going to Harvard for History, and he’s going to Oxford for the same thing. Mrs. Graham is no longer in the employ of Reverend Wakefield because she was lost some time ago. Just disappeared one day, don’t know what happened. Said she was going to collect some blue flowers at some stones nearby. Never came back.

But Fiona is here, and she also wants to make all the babies with Roger. Then Claire says she has to go take a look around and relive some old memories so she lets the two kids try to make awkward small talk with each other.

Richard gamely tries the “Been to Scotland before?” pickup line after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. She says, “No. we just came up for the day. We have to go to London in a few minutes. After Mom does her relive the past montage.”

“That’s a shame. It’s a beautiful wild country, where beautiful people like to get wild…”

Then Fiona comes up and interrupts because she’s seeing her future husband talking to his future wife and she is having none of it.

cut you

Roger excuses himself and goes to see to his guests while Claire wanders around the fireplace and looks at all the ghosts of her past.

Later, the three of them meet as Claire and Brianna are leaving. He asks if they’ll stay the night, and Brianna says, “Yes, I’d like to see the sights. I hear it’s a beautiful wild country,” wink wink, nudge nudge, oh my god I want to have all his babies.

4. Claire is in the study, drinking, and Roger comes in to chat. We find out he’s a Mackenzie when they talk about Culloden.
He misses the Reverend and asks, “How do you go on without someone you loved so much?” and Claire is all, “You just wake up every day and breathe in and out and forget how you had it good for a while.”

Then she goes back into her room after thanking him for the whiskey. She’s looking at Brianna just lying there asleep and says, “You are so much like him.” and the audience goes, “Awww…”

5. Then we are back on that fateful day. April 16th, 1746. Jamie and Charlie have a chat about the battle, and Jamie is still imploring the Ponce to not go to battle with the troops now. They’re malnourished, and they will surely loose.
“Mark me, James,” the prince says, and my head twitches again. “You are my doubting Thomas.” and he goes into the whole story of when Thomas didn’t believe in Jesus even when he showed him the holes in his hands. “Before this day is over I will make a believer of you.” No, Poncey, you aren’t Jesus. Give it up, yeah?

So Jamie goes to Claire, saying that it was a blessing Colum didn’t live to see this day. Murtagh’s eyebrows show up and alert them that the army of Cumberland is moving out, taking positions. Claire tells him to go tell the generals what’s going on.

“The Prince won’t back down from this, the battle will happen.” And Claire says, “Well, there’s maybe one last thing we can do then. Come with me.”

6. Roger and Brianna are out seeing the sights. After a wonderful montage of the Scottish Highland scenery, they finally get to Fort William. Yes, THAT Fort William.
In Gaelic it’s called the Black Garrison. “Used to control the Scottish highlanders and roving barbarians.” So by way of a first date you bring her to where her father’s back was flogged to ribbons by a rapey douchebag and her grandfather had a massive coronary just watching that spectacle of ugliness. Good on yer.

They discuss colonial history in the states and Roger gets a huge piece of American history trivia wrong. But that’s okay since she thinks he’s cute and wants to have all his babies. Then she tries to give her best Scottish accent and fails that. So they’re even in the “Getting things wrong as a way of flirting” game.

Then she asks about her father. Frank, not Jamie. Because he doesn’t know that story yet. (Don’t worry, it’s coming)He remembers Frank as “…a dashing fellow, who wore snappy clothes and a hat down over one eye. Oh, and mostly crackers and biscuits and something about time travel? But I was only five so I don’t remember all that. And at the time Mrs. Graham was just plain wonky all the time anyway. Good biscuits by the way.”

She looks at the Flogging post and says, “This place gives me the chills.” and with good reason. The ghost of your Grandfather haunts this place, dear heart. And I don’t even want to discuss what happened to your Da one day over 200 years ago.

“A lot of blood was spilled here, on this ground.” he says, “So, want to go get some latte’s?”

7. Then it’s Claire driving through a montage of the Scottish highlands. She gets to a very famous house that was one her home, and it’s been run down. But wait, is that Claire in glasses? Hot stuff, girl!

Then this scene just starts to wreck me when she gets out of the car and starts reliving the memories of all the things that happened here. Meeting Wee Jamie for the first time, the Potatoes, Jamie’s first argument with Jenny, and other sentimental memories. Then she sits down on the stoop and just looks wistfully at the arched entryway and sees Jamie’s ghost and I think it’s at this point when the hankies came out for everyone.

8. 1746 again. Claire and Jamie are having a discussion about how to stop the battle. They go inside one of the rooms of Culloden house. There, Claire brings out a potion, the Yellow Jasmine. She explains it’s what Colum took last night, before he died. “If we were to give it to Chuckles, he would die and the battle wouldn’t happen, right?”

“But that’s a mortal sin,” he says. And she explained that he knew it was his last days and wanted a quick death. Then, she says she’s been treating the prince for scurvy for weeks. If I put this in his tea, he would drift off to death, and no one would ever know.

And all this could have been settled a long time ago in Paris when Murtagh wanted to do the same thing. As always, cutting the Gordian knot trick is the easiest.

9. Bree and Roger are on a picnic discussing her mother. “Was there a dark time here a long time ago concerning my mother?” Roger explains the scene from episode 1 with the breaking of the boxes and Claire crying but doesn’t know what happened. “Apparently Frank had a bad temper. I mean he was this close from turning to the dark side, you know?”

Bree then explains that one day “I was going through my father’s stuff when I was a kid because I’m nosy like that. He mentioned something in a letter to the Reverend saying that he didn’t want the Rev to look into his ancestor Jack Randall anymore because he found out he wasn’t the hero that Frank thought he was.”

Roger says, “There’s a bunch of journals in my father’s garage we could go through to find out what happened. It’s a bit grubby though.”


10. Claire is in Inverness, just a few houses down from the bed and breakfast that she spent that fateful night with Frank on their honeymoon so long ago. She goes into the Deed of Registry office to find out what’s going on with Lallybroch.

Well, within minutes I’m assuming because this secretary is awesome at finding old documents that are literally unprotected by anything resembling plastic or glass. She’s holding the Deed of Sassine that Claire signed back in 1746.

“It’s signed James Allperfect MoonyEye MacHunkington Fraser, and gives it to James Murray. It’s witnessed by what looks to be the most beautiful eyebrows in history and Claire Fraser, with a drop on the page because she may have been crying at the time?”

“Yep, that’s the case. Anyway, could you do me a favor and see about a genealogical study of a guy named Roger Mackenzie? Kthnx.”

11. Later that night, in the girl’s room, Bree and Claire are talking about Roger and how handsome he is and how they want to have all his babies. Claire asks where they went today, and Bree’s all, “We went to Fort William, you ever go there?”

fort william

Then they talk about Frank, and Bree asks if “…she misses him, because sometimes it doesn’t feel like you do.” and she asks, “Did you love him?” “Yes, I loved your father very much,” Claire answers. Which is the truth because we all know who the girl’s dad is.

12. 1746. Claire and Jamie are discussing the cold blooded murder of Poncey. It’s a logical decision for Claire, because “…the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. We can kill him to save thousands of lives. It’s total star trek shit, I know, but if it works for Spock, it’ll work here.”

Unbeknownst to them, Dougal is listening outside the door and hears this plot. Then Ross comes in to announce to Jamie that they’re calling the men to come form lines. “Dude, I’ll be right there, got to conspire to kill the Prince with my wife here.”
Well, never one to waste an opportunity to kill his nephew, he enters, rage the only thing on his mind at the moment. He calls Jamie a “Son of a bastard,” and Claire a “Filthy whoring witch.”


13. (wow this one is long. I mean really, there is a lot going on here, huh?) Speaking of filthy whoring witches, Geillis Duncan shows her pretty little head here quite coincidentally in the school that Bree and Roger go to for some reason. I literally have no idea where this is. Is it supposed to be Oxford? Please, someone tell me.

They part for a few minutes and Bree goes walking through the area, (dressed really cute in this miniskirt and black leggings get up by the way)and manages to find the one room in all the school that Geillis Duncan is railing about the British government.

She lists off heroes of Scotland, and gets to Bonnie Prince Charlie and goes on about how “We are all Bonnie Prince Charlie!” and everyone is inspired by this wacky broad in a orange and red outfit.

Later, Bree confronts Geillis about her speech and they get into a history discussion about this king and that king and the other king, and it’s all pretty much a snooze fest because there are some in the audience who want to see somebody in this show start kissing and making babies. Come on, Outlander! Where has the sexy times been this season. We’ve had one! ONE! Instance all season. And season one had about twelve dozen. Isn’t it about time somebody went there already?! This is what your fans want!

“So if you’re not a student, and you’re an American, why are you here?” and Bree says, “Oh I like history being made, that’s all.” Then Roger comes up and She introduces herself as Gillian Edgars.

Gillian hands Bree a pamphlet for the “White Roses of Scotland” and tells her about another rally near here later on. “We’ll be making history,” she says, and winks.

14. Claire is visiting the Culloden museum where there is a life like replica of Poncey in all his Stuart clad glory. A guy tells Claire, “He was a great general.” and Claire says, “No, he was mostly an ignorant whoring jerk who said ‘Mark Me’ all the damn time.”

Then a couple are looking in another case and see “Something in this piece of amber here. Is that a dragonfly?” And Claire goes over after they’ve left and sees “Stuff that was found on the battlefield” written on a card in the case. And there it is, her Dragonfly that Munro gave her all those years ago.

15. 1746. Dougal is pissed, and rightfully so. Here’s his nephew and Claire conspiring to kill his lord and master. “This isn’t what it looks like,” Jamie says, but Dougal is having none of it.
“Ye’ve betrayed all of us, Scotland, your brothers, me, you’re uncle. You’ve been led to this by a foul witch and I’ve known she was a traitor since I first set eyes on her.” Claire tries to explain, but he shuts her up. “And you, leading this man with your claws sunk deep in his balls.”

“Hey, that’s my wife you’re talking about, there hasn’t been any claws in balls for a while now, so don’t speak ill of her in your anger.” says Jamie.

“Anger?” Dougal says. “This goes well beyond anger. Let’s call it murderous rage, shall we?” And he pulls his sword and goes after Jamie. Well, there’s a pretty big stramash, and a right to do in the room. Turns out that the scheme to murder the prince has turned into a first rate cock up for sure.

Jamie and Dougal fight, break furniture, and at one point Claire tries to hit him with a box, which shatters on Dougal’s back and knocks him away from Jamie. This gives the kid the upper hand and while fighting over a knife, Jamie realizes that he has to kill Dougal. He plunges the dirk into Dougal’s chest, with Claire’s help.

“Forgive me,” he says in Gaelic, and with a final thrust, kills his uncle. And I’d like to have the same reaction I had when watching Joffrey Baratheon die, but I don’t. because even as much as I disliked Dougal, I understood his motivations. Thanks Graham McTavish for that. Great Job!
16. Of dusty storage rooms and Rat Satires we go next. Bree and Roger are looking through Reverend Wakefield’s stuff for anything they can find about Claire’s mysterious disappearing act. A rat comes out to join them, which repulses Bree. When she lets out a shriek, Roger says, “Maybe we need a Rat Satire.”

“What’s that?” she asks. “Well, you basically sing a song telling the rat that it won’t find any food here, and to go next door where there’s better stuff. Works all the time.” Then he goes off on one, and it’s brilliant. And I’m so glad they kept it in the show. Because that is yet another iconic scene that everyone remembers.

Then he hands her a flashlight and tells her maybe that will keep them away. Then they find a box that says, “Randall” and in it is the copy of Jonathan Woolverton Randall’s commission papers. They decide to take the box with all the Randall stuff to another room and away from the Rats.

17. 1746. Rupert walks in just at the point Jamie is pulling a bloody knife out of the bloody corpse of his uncle. “Dude, did you just kill Dougal?” he asks.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Jamie says. And it’s not, but Rupert is all, “Dude, I need some eye bleach for my good eye to unsee this.” Then he goes to the door to rat Jamie out, but Jamie stops him.

“Wait, I can explain, just give me a couple of hours to take care of some things and I’ll be back. We’ve been friends for a long time, yeah? Give me that.” and the pirate says, “For the sake of our friendship, I will but that shit’s over now. You got two hours. Do your shit, and get back here. Then I damn your soul to the fiery pit.” and he’s out.

fiery pit

18. At the battlefield, Claire goes to the stone that says Fraser. There is one other woman there, who asks, “Are you a Fraser?” and Claire says, “Uhh. Yeah, ever heard of Red Jamie? Carpet matched the drapes, just sayin’.”

She sits down and has a talk with him through the stones, where she tells him about Bree and what a lovely daughter she is. Then she says, “Goodbye” finally and at the end, touches the stone saying, “I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry. Didn‘t think I could do that, did you?” But the rest of the audience does when she says, “Rest easy soldier,” to the stone. More damn hankies!

19. In the room, Bree finds an article about Claire and the abduction by the fairies and all the stuff that happened in 1948.She starts digging through the reverend’s journals and Roger says, “Do you want to do this?” and she says, “I want the truth!” Then she does the math and says, “I gotta go see a gal about a father.”

Claire is getting tea on and Bree comes down to confront her about who her real father is. “Well, that’s a question to ask.” she says, in a useless gambit of parental obfuscation. Bree is adamant. “Who were you with for three years?!” and that’s when Claire feels about a million twisted emotions in the span of like five seconds.


Then Roger comes in to the awkwardness and says, “Yeah… I’ll just let you two talk about things then, yeah?” and Bree stops him. “No, stay!” and when she orders someone like that, you obey that shit. “You haven’t lied to anyone. So go ahead. Spill the beans, mom. I want to hear all about your ‘excursion with the fairies’ and who my real father is.”

“Yeah, you might want to sit down for this because it’s a doozy of a tale and we’ll be here a while. Roger, would you kindly get the tea pot on? There’s a dear.” Claire says.

real father

20. 1746 “I’ve killed Dougal Mackenzie,” says Jamie to Murtagh. We need to act quickly if I’m to get out of this.” And Murtagh’s all, “Its about time, aye. What took you so long?”

Jamie explains that they are going to sign the deed of sassine for Lallybroch. Then he says to Fergus, “You’re going to have to take it there, because I’ve got other shit to do.” Well, Fergus balks at this, but Jamie convinces him it’s the only way, and it will take wee Fergus away from the battle, and the fans want him to be around for season three, so go ahead and do it, aye?

“I will not fail you my lord,” Fergus says.

21. “Okay, so let me get this straight. Frank Randall wasn’t my real father. That guy was some six foot three redheaded guy in a kilt from the eighteenth century? I’m going to call bullshit on this one.” Says Bree. “Yep, pretty much hit the nail on the head. Sorry cupcake but that’s the truth.” Claire answers.

Well, there’s roger sitting over in the corner, looking at his glass like

hello glass

Claire and Bree go on with each other back and forth because Bree is rightfully pissed off, showing that Fraser anger. Claire is trying to be reasonable. And I want to say to her, “Claire, darling, you’re in a fight with an angry red head, have you not learned your lesson? Hell, I had three redheaded sisters, and each one of them tried to kill me almost when they got mad at me. Now is the time to run, not be ‘reasonable’!”

Bree at one point asks, “So if it weren’t for the battle of Culloden my real father would have raised me and loved me? Mom, stahp! OMG WTF?!”

Claire tries to prove the point by bringing out the deed of Sassine, but Bree isn’t having any of that either.

“Just own up to it! Own up to the fact that you aren’t perfect! That you fucked another man!”

And Claire finally snaps. “What Jamie and I had was a hell of a lot more than fucking! I mean, wow! That boy could go downtown like a champ! I still dream about that V, and lower! I basically banged him like a screen door in a hurricane if it means that much to you!”

“Why are you doing this?” Bree asks. And then Claire says, “It’s the truth.” And this is where I want to slap a girl hard because she disses her mother and I’m so sad for Claire at this moment. “Only two people know the truth and one of them is dead. Too bad it wasn’t you.”

22. They get together over a Deed of Sassine, and all sign it, with Murtagh and Claire doing the honors as witnesses. And there’s the tear that fell on it that we saw earlier in that way old historical document that everyone was so free about touching without so much as a glove to protect it. Then they hand it off to Fergus, and he swears to take it to Lallybroch. Jamie tells him, “Ride like the wind, and if you have to stop, hide like the devil. And if you have to eat, eat like a bird and move as fast as a hare.”

And Fergus takes this command as a soldier would, and we see him in the last a small child framed in a large doorframe of the house. Thanks Outlander, now I’m worried about the fate of a fictitious nine year old.

23. Roger and Bree are in a bar discussing the matter. Bree still doesn’t believe her mother, and Roger is trying to be the voice of reason. “It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, she believes it. Maybe she’s trying to show you her world.”

“Okay, my mother is totes insane. I mean bonkers. Should be locked up, throw away the key type of crazy. And you want me to believe her?”

“Just keep an open mind,” Roger says. And Bree says, “Let’s keep an open tab instead. Because mama’s getting drunk tonight fo sho.”

24. Claire is looking through some documents about her disappearance in 1945 and comes across the pamphlet that Geillis gave to Bree. She thinks, “Oh, shit, what the hell is she doing here?” well, she decides to go find her.

Arriving at the Edgars home, because that’s what Geillis calls herself in the future, she meets the husband. He’s a drunken sot who tells Claire that he doesn’t know where Gillian is, maybe with her “Roses of Scotland” or something. Then he says, Maybe the clues are in those books she left conveniently lying around on the table there.”
So Claire takes a group of manuscripts and journals and leaves the house.

25. Then, we are back in the bar, which has significantly gotten more crowded and more dark. Gillian comes in and Bree is all, “Gillian, what are you doing here? This is really convenient.” Well, Geillis says, “It was close to the school and where else do principal actors come in a show when they want to drop a few words of expository dialogue? Anyway, missed a great rally earlier.”

“My mother is insane, I mean really bats hit crazy so I‘ve mostly been drinking all day. Maybe I’ll catch your next rally.” Bree says. And Geillis says, “No, I’m going to a barbeque tonight. Oh, and to further the cause. So you won’t see me anymore.”

cray cray

26. Claire is looking through all the Geillis Time Travel documents and sees that she has to use gem stones to guide you and protect you and wait, what? Human sacrifice? No, that’s not right. How can that be? What? No that’s not right at all. I have to stop her.

27. 1746 Jamie tells Murtagh to get the Fraser men together and get them the hell out of here. He won’t have his kin dying for a doomed cause. “We did everything we could to stop this, but apparently it’s happening. So all that having a dinner to undermine the Prince stuff didn’t work apparently.”
Murtagh asks what he’s going to do. And Jamie says, “I’m going to get Claire out of here, then come back to Culloden.”

Well, Murtagh’s eyebrows won’t have any of that. He tells Jamie that he’ll be coming back to fight with him. Jamie says, “I won’t have you dying for nothing.” And Murtagh is all, “I won’t be dying for nothing. I’ll be dying for you.” Aww. And that is why we love a Murtagh. Dammit Outlander! We need Murtagh in season three, please. Pretty please with sugar on top?

28. Later, at Roger’s house, Bree comes in and says, “I don’t want to argue. Let’s just understand the fact that my father wasn’t Frank Randall. That he was, in fact, someone who closely resembles Ronald Macdonald. I don’t want to discuss the timey wimey stuff, just what was he like?”

And Claire says, “Well, he was tall, and strong, and his arms oh my god, and what he could do in bed was nothing short of amazing. Like that’s all I think about on cold nights. Yep, he was definitely the cherry on top of my ice cream sundae that’s for sure. His voice purred like a majestic lion, his eyes could bore right through you and make you feel as though God was looking at your heart. And oddly enough, he had the most perfect teeth of anyone I ever met there. I don’t know how he did it. He seemed to be the embodiment of every steamy romance novel hero all put together. I tried not to love him but he was so damn delicious he made it impossible not to want to wrap myself around him like a piece of paper on a lamp post in a windstorm. Okay, I need to stop because my ovaries are about to explode just thinking about him.”

29. Roger is looking through some old documents and Claire comes in to talk to him about Geillis Duncan. “Do you know this woman?”

And Roger is all, “No but we saw her at the pub tonight. What’s up?” Bree comes in, “Oh Gillian? Yeah, she’s a bit cray but she’s wild about this Scottish nationalism thing.” And Roger says “She said she was leaving town tonight to further the cause.”

So Claire says, “It’s important we find her and talk to her because she’s about to make a grave mistake. If she goes back then she’ll be burned at the stake but if she doesn’t go back then you won’t be born and oh shit! I hate this time travel paradox crap! Why can’t it be easy like in Back to the future?”

Basically, your six times great grandfather is Dougal Mackenzie. Yes, that Dougal Mackenzie. So I can’t stop her because she won’t have your ancestor, and so I have to warn her about the witch trial. But then if I do that, I change my past in the 18th century and if I do that, oh, Nevermind let’s just go find her!”

Roger is on board with this, but Bree thinks it’s all delusional. She storms out of the room after saying, “Roger you’re feeding her delusions.” And Roger goes after her and says, “Hon, maybe if we go out there we can see for ourselves what the deal is. What’s the harm in that, aye?” and Bree is all cool with that because, Roger, and because she wants to have all his babies. (had to, I’ll stop with that now.)

30. 1746 Claire and Jamie are fleeing the battlefield and she doesn’t want to leave. He says he won’t get far, but she’ll be safe where he’s taking her. Claire implores him that they could leave together and go to Ireland or somewhere. But the ports are closed and no one can leave.

Then She says, “If I were going to be burned at the witch trial, would you have gone with me?” and he says, “Yeah, I would have gone to the fiery pits of hell with you but then again I wasn’t carrying my child.”

“How did you know?” she asks. “Claire, it’s me. Come on.” he says. He’s known for a while, and yes he kept track of the girl’s flow because he’s that good. Then he says, “We have to take you back to a safer place. This bairn is all I have, so we must get you safe.”

But she doesn’t want to go and leave all that Ginger topped goodness and pretty much tells her that. Jamie is having none of that, and basically forces her to go with him. “There’s no time!” he says, while on his horse, his hand out to take her, and tears in her eyes.
31. That’s not how you make Barbeque, Geillis! You don’t use live humans. Pork! Vinegar and sauce over a low hickory charcoal grill flame. Not gasoline, on a dying body still fully clothed. Can’t you do anything right?

Just in time to see her go through the stones, Claire, Bree and Roger get out of the car and up the hill to where Geillis is roasting her husband’s chestnuts on an open fire. Bree asks “What’s that smell?”

And Roger answers “Smells like a fucking barbeque.” Like mother, like so many great grandsons, I guess. But no, it’s not a barbeque in the traditional sense of pulled pork and coleslaw with a little bit of Tabasco on top served with a sesame seed bun. This one involves burning flesh of the human kind, and there ain’t no veggies or spices to go with it.

Then they see Geillis, going toward the stones, and they try to stop her but she touches the stones and Poof! There she goes, and disappears. “She’s gone! She went through the stones. And can you hear that buzzing? What is that?”

Claire tells Roger to go get help, while Bree looks on in awed fascination, thinking “I guess my mother was right after all, yeah?”

32. 1746 At the stones, Claire asks, “How can I tell anyone about this?” and Jamie says, “You’ll figure it out I’m sure. Tell Frank what you will, that I envy he gets to have you, and I hate him to the very marrow of his bones.” and Claire’s all, “Jealous much?”

She tries to get him to go, and he says, “I can’t. I don’t have that power.” and he touches a stone to prove it. “Besides, it’s not my place.” Then he takes her in his arms and says, “I’ve done a lot of bad things, but loving you wasn’t one of them. And if I have to endure two hundred years of purgatory before I meet god I’ll tell him, ‘Lord, ye gave me a rare woman,” and kisses her. “And God, I loved her well.”

And I’ve got a smile on my face and a tear in my eye because it’s one of the best lines ever written and then the two of them collapse on the ground and make all the babies.

Okay, Outlander, I’ll give you that one. You had to show it. I know. But only 2 times the entire season? Two? Whatever. I’ll give it two and a half for that one time when Murtagh got caught with Suzette’s jublies in his face but that’s being generous.

They start to hear the sounds of battle far away. Claire gives him the Dragonfly in Amber wrapped around her scarf. And he gives her his father’s ring with a purple stone in it. “Give it to the bairn, when he’s old enough.” he tells her. She says she’ll name the child after his father Brian, and he’s happy with that.

Then, they walk backward, looking in each other’s eyes, and the crescendo rises and he’s giving her all the moony eyes he can before they turn around. He tells her “Goodbye Claire,” and together, they touch the stones. And what the hell is all this water leaking out of my eyes, dammit?!

33. “I believe you,” Bree tells her mother. ”I don’t know how all this works, but yeah, you were telling the truth.” Claire answers, “You don’t need a human sacrifice like Geillis thought, but yep, essentially these stones are magic time travel devices.”

“Wicked, awesome,” says Bree. “So I can eventually go back through them as well?” and Claire’s all, “Totally, and Roger too. So when are you going to start making all his babies?”

Later, Roger comes back, having alerted the police. He tells Claire, “So I have some news. I did some digging, and apparently, five Fraser captains went to Culloden and one of them was spared death. His name was James Allperfect Moonyeye MacHunkington Fraser, does that ring a bell?”

Claire says, “Yep, that’s him. If anyone could find a way to stay alive it’s that man.” Bree says, “So if that’s true, then you can go back and find him.” and Claire looks at the stones and the light of the sun is rising through them and the crescendo is growing and there’s al light in her eye and her face is all bright with promise of the future and she says, “Yes, he’s alive! My ginger topped hunk of blazing hot man flesh is alive, you bet your sweet ass I’m going back!”

And fade to black. I know, it was kind of a hokey ending, but whatevs. I’ll be back a bit later with a review of the season and what I hope to see from season 3. It is going to be based on Voyager, everyone’s favorite book of the series.

Until then, enjoy this recap of the moony eye pics of the week. Yep, all thirteen because this recap has gone on long enough, and what the hell, you’ve been with me this long, what’s a few extra pictures of our favorite Ginger topped piece of beefcake going to hurt, yeah?

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212 The Hail Mary

212 The Hail Mary

Hey folks. JP here, with another (Late as hell) recap of everyone’s favorite time travel romance thriller war story TV show. Wow, it’s been close to a month since I’ve been able to finish this because work has me by the throat lately. Anyway, don’t want to preamble too much, just get right on to it. Hope you enjoy!


1. Pirate Rupert is our first image, and I’m wishing someone would just give him a parrot and name it Angus. Because he has spent the better part of the last two episodes talking about his straggly bestie and it hurts whenever he does. It’s not the same, Outlander! And I’m still hating you for it.

Claire is basically doing her beginning of the show narration about how for the past 5 months since Prestonpans the army has suffered defeat and demoralization. They are hungry and ragged out after a “particularly long squawk” as it were. But they aren’t dead yet, and there’s one last possible place they could win a battle and the war for the crown. Culloden. And this is the place Claire has been dreading since the start f the entire series. The time is now, but she doesn’t want it to be. So things must be done to stop it. One last possible solution to make it out, save for actually killing the Bonny Prince himself.

A gaunt looking Jamie asks Dougal to take a patrol out and locate the British army. They need to know the strength of the Redcoats before anything rash is done. “The men can’t do anything on a bannock a day,” Dougal says. To which Jamie agrees. (Anyone that doesn’t know what this is should know that it’s simply a rounded piece of bread that gives minimal protein and calories. Go for about a month on 4 slices of bread and water a day, and see how you feel. Not good I assure you.)

Murtagh and Jamie talk about how the battle is coming soon and that there’s nothing to be done to stop it. Claire agrees, crestfallen. She tells Jamie, “All that plotting, all the stuff we did in France, and it still doesn’t amount to shit. So why did I wear a huge revealing Red Dress when I’d end up stuck wearing this dress for five months?”

Jamie sends Murtagh off to fetch Charles for a war council, and Claire decides to go into town to get more medical supplies. And wee Fergus is all, “Dudes, I’m out. All this riding on horseback and not eating is leaving me bushed.”

2. When in the town of Inverness, Claire goes to the Apothecary to get supplies and just so happens to run into our favorite stabby killy maiden, Mary Hawkins. Claire’s all, “Mary, what are you doing here? We thought we got rid of you after the whole Sandringham debacle.” And Mary is having none of Claire because of the whole “You tried to break up my love with Alex Randall so we’re not besties anymore.”

Claire apologizes but says, “I was doing what I thought was right for you.” and Mary drops a bomb, “Well it didn’t work, because Alex is here, he’s sick and I’m taking care of him. So you didn’t do anything but piss off people who were friends with you. But that’s okay, you’re Claire fucking Fraser, so whatever you do is okay since its justified by dint of being a main character.”

And Claire’s all, “Pretty much hit the spot. So can I come in and check in on your boy later? Since I don’t have anything else better to do, that is. Oh, and I want to advance a plot point.” And Mary agrees, saying, “Sure if you want. We’re at a boarding house down the street. Come on by, but watch the vomit and the bloody tissues all over the floor.”

3. At the war council, General McBluster is all “Dudes we have to fight at Culloden, aye?” and everyone is agreeing with him until Jamie walks in and pretty much crushes the idea with a few words about how it’s good for the british because uhh, cannons, and cavalry, and more troops and all that.

He implores the Prince to take a break from the fighting. The men are weak, hungry, exhausted. And there’s still the matter of the French gold, that should be coming soon. With that, Jamie reasons, they could rest, get better ammunition and guns, rest up the soldiers, gain more troops and win the day at another time.


Well, Mr. Doesn’t do Knee Porn As Well As Jamie says no to that. “I am a soldier, and I will comport myself as one. We will rest the men and then go fight at Culloden. Because it’s God’s will.” And Jamie’s got this look.

look jamie

4. At McGilvray’s Boarding house, Claire goes in to see about Alex Randall, and is greeted with a far worse sight than she imagined, in two ways. The first of which is that Alex is really bad off, like, almost ready for the cart bad off. He can’t stop coughing and Mary is woefully inept at being able to take care of him. And two, This guy.

claire bjr

Well, obviously she’s absolutely gob smacked. And with good reason. This’ guy is always showing up when you least expect it. Jack goes to his brother and, with actual caring, asks him how he’s doing. He has been given leave to see about his brother’s welfare. Claire is about to leave when Mary stops her and says, “Don’t leave. I don’t know what would become of us without John.” and Claire’s all, “Well, you’d live peaceful happy lives for a start. But now, I gotta bounce because every time I am around this guy my skin wants to crawl off me and my body wants to follow.”

claire look

Then it’s time to drop some truth bombs on the kid. One, you are pregnant and need to go repair relations with your family. Two, Alex is going to die, leaving you destitute unless someone marries you and takes care of you. Basically, kiddo, here’s the deal. You are in the 18th  century where women amounted to absolutely nothing. You. Are. Well. And. Truly. Fucked.

mary pic

Outside, Jonathan Randall confronts Claire. He asks that she take care of him and ease his pain in his last days. She has a counter offer, (Besides “Go Fuck yourself!”) Tell her where the british are camping, and I’ll help him. Don’t do that, and your brother lives the rest of his life in agonizing pain. What’s it going to be. Well, Jonathan Randall says, “You drive a hard bargain, Madam Fraser. Bartering over an innocent man’s life, that’s some straight up Black Jack Randall shit, I’m impressed.”

5. Well, Jamie’s upset, obviously, because of the reappearance of his nemesis. Claire tries to calm him down. “Perhaps we can use this to our advantage. We know where the English are, Maybe we can get the jump on them.” It’s yet another possibility to change the outcome of the future. We’ve tried everything else. Well there is one thing, but that’s a final option and I don’t want to think about it just yet.”

Jamie asks her, “Did he say they were encamped at Nairn?” and Claire says, “Yes. Cumberland’s having a birthday celebration there in two days. By the way, I’d like to tend to Alex. I have some Randall shit to do for frank. Hope you don’t mind. Kthnx.” And Jamie’s all, “What makes you think he wouldn’t kill you when his brother dies?”

“Because I’ll take an axe murderer with magical eyebrows and a beard any woman would love to curl up in and live.”

6. That night, Colum Mackenzie, our favorite Bendy Legged Laird shows up like the dad who came home early and wrecked your party. He gives condolences to Pirate Rupert about Angus, saying, “Sorry about Angus, thought he would die with you. And Rupert says, “Yeah, so did I. Now I gotta hang around with this Ross guy and he has absolutely no sense of humor.” Rupert asks why he’s here. Colum says “Fetch my brother and my nephew. We gotta have words.”

A bit later, Claire is taking care of him and he says, “Don’t worry about that, I’ve been dying for years, I welcome it’s conclusion.” then he asks Jamie where his brother is, and why he always keeps Colum waiting. Jamie explains that Dougal is out scouting the English positions. Colum’s all, “So you give him enough authority to make him feel special, but not enough to make him want more.”

Jamie says, “Well I learned from the best, pops.” Then Colum says he wants to talk to Claire in private. Jamie’s got this look like, “Um, what?” and says, “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

“Look, ya married a good kid there. Yeah, I know I was wrong about you guys to start and I’m sorry for that, so forgive me, aye?” he starts off, then continues. “I’m an old man, I’m in pain, and don’t hand me that laudanum, because it only dulls the senses and I want to be sort of in my right mind when I talk to the guys. But I ask you this one thing. Give me a quick death, you know, like Geillis Duncan gave her husband.” and Claire’s all, “Dude, that was painful and awful to watch and I think if somebody smelled almonds, they would be upset. By the way, isn’t suicide, like, a sin or something?”

“What’s one more sin to a sinner?” he asks. “Well, you got me there. By the way, what happened to her? Last I heard there was going to be a barbeque?” And Colum tells her that Geillis had a baby and it was given to someone in the family who couldn’t have kids. And if Dougal has anything to say about it, oh well. He’ll have to live with his mistake.”

So she goes to her table, gets some handy dandy poison and gives it to him. “This is Yellow Jasmine it’s like drifting off into a deep sleep.” and I think to myself, wait, she has all this stuff in her medicine bag? So I looked it up because, internet. The entire plant is poisonous. Claire, why do you have this in your medicine bag? Just in case bendy legged lairds come to visit and need to kill themselves? Or are there other reasons?

7. Back at the Randall camp in the boarding house, Alex is coughing his lungs out, there’s blood all over the place, and it’s a pretty revolting sight. Claire is filling a pipe with a mixture of thorn apple and coats foot (SP) Randall tells them they can’t smoke that in there, but Claire is all, “Dude, trust me, he’ll like it, and it will help him breathe. Besides, this one time I gave it to Ned Gowan that one time and he started tripping heavy, so there’s that, yeah?”

So they shotgun the smoke into Alex’s mouth and he starts breathing a little easier in no time. Jonathan says to her “He’s in pain, you need to do something.” and she’s all, “Nope, sorry. Nothing I can do.” Well this doesn’t bode well with certain rapey douchebags and he grabs her angrily. This awakens a certain Head Chopping highlander who goes after Randall in a heartbeat. “You want someone to take your aggressions out on, I’ll happily oblige ye!” he threatens.

And I’m at this point going, “Dude, Randall’s getting a beat down by Murtagh? Where’s my popcorn?” Claire puts the kibosh on the fight tho, and Randall calls his brother over.

In the long and short of it, basically, Alex wants Jonathan to marry Mary. Just so she will be protected by the Randall name, and also to make sure she has standing in the world. “Oh, and your pension if you die a horrible death that you deserve because you’re basically a shit hole. But this is for the best so do it for me because I know there’s good in you. I can feel it.”

marry mary

And Outlander’s Darth Vader says, “Sorry bro, can’t do it.” and walks out. Alex starts coughing again, Claire tells Murtagh to follow Randall while she shotguns more thorn apple into Alex’s face.

8. Well, Dougal comes riding along, and Jamie asks what he found out. “The English army is at Nairn.” and Jamie’s all, “I already knew that. A certain captain of Dragoons told me.” and Dougal asks, “Wait, what? That scumbag is here?” “Yeah,” Jamie says, and so is your brother and he wants to talk. By the way, he’s dying so I think it might be about who gets the Mackenzie lairdship so we better get there before he goes, aye?”

dougal look


9. Murtagh is one of the greatest side kick characters ever. Can we just have him for the rest of the series? If we’re changing the books, let’s just keep him in the storyline, shall we? Because this is where he shines in this episode. He and Claire are talking about the whole Randall family and he questions why they have to even go through this whole process just to save Frank.

“Look, I know I’ve made a deal with the devil and all that, but I need this whole thing to go through, or Mary will die destitute and hungry on the street and the whole Frank randall thing won’t happen and I’ll never be here.” And Murtagh is all, “Then I’ll marry her. I was a good godfather to Jamie, so maybe I’ll be a good father to her bairn. I’m sure we could learn to live together.”

“Get real,” is Claire’s response. “You’re a poor highlander with no station, no money, no home, and you might die tomorrow, though we hope not.” Also, she‘s supposed to be married to Jack Randall. Remember the timey wimey stuff I told you about in episode 6?”

murtagh ssn3 mary

Then they get to the tavern where Murtagh followed Randall and she asks Murtagh to stay outside while she goes in and works her Claire magic on him.

10. Of all the characters in the outlander books, Jonathan Woolverton Randall was always an outlier for one reason. He seemed to be Evil for Evil’s sake. It seemed he was written for the one purpose of just being the bad guy. And tho in the first book and most way through the second, we get a sort of Snidely Whiplash feeling about him. He exists only to be The Bad Guy of the piece.

Here, we see he has feelings. Love, caring, and fear for his brother. So he becomes for the audience a true person with layered emotions. He actually possesses a heart, as black as it is, there is still some kind of goodness there. He can show he gives a damn about somebody. Clearly in this scene he shows it, because he doesn’t want to marry the girl, because he knows he’s an evil bastard. And he gets all creeper vibe with  Claire. “Knowing what I did to Jamie, do you really want me in her bed?”

“Knowing that you know that, should show you that you have a little bit of caring and compassion for your brother and you should really just go ahead and fucking do it already.” is Claire’s response. “By the way, you’re going to die in a few days so you won’t have to worry about living with her.”

“Yes, your curse,” he says, and names the day when he will die. Which is during the battle of Culloden. When Jamie gets his bloody revenge. “Well, then I guess I’ll marry her after all, yeah?”

11. We get back to the Mackenzies, and Dougal trying to be the cool bro by giving sympathy to Colum. But Colum is having none of it. He gives his last wishes. Starts naming off who he wants to help his son Hamish lead the clan. “He’s got to be braw, smart, good with the men, a charismatic leader, and know what he’s doing all the time. Basically a King of Men.”

Dougal’s all, “Aww yeah, that’s me in a nutshell.” And then Colum names Jamie to be the next Laird. Well, Dougal is highly upset, obviously. He says how he’s next in line, and he would do the best job of it, and then Colum lays a truth bomb on them.

“If you were half the man you think you are, you’d have gotten more than two guys to follow you here. Nah, Jamie is the best here. ” Then Dougal brings up Hamish being his son and Colum says, “Yeah and you bring that up all the time. I know you love him, and would honor him. But I trust Jamie. And you haven’t shown a lot of good judgment where fathering children is concerned. COUGH Geillis COUGH.”

Jamie steps up and says, “I’m honored, but Dougal’s right. At the end of the day, he should get the whole shebang simply because the Mackenzie men would follow me into battle just as much as they would follow Dougal if he was clan chief.”

“If you can say you would look at the next battle and see how it was lost before it began, tell me if you would leave the battlefield with Clan Mackenzie’s men and go back home safe.” Dougal can say nothing because he wouldn’t do this on a bet. Colum knows Jamie would do this in a heartbeat, and so does his uncle Dougal. So Dougal just walks out. “His mind is broken but his body isn’t,” is all Colum can say.

12. So then there’s the wedding of Mary Hawkins to Jonathan Woolverton Randall and everyone is very nervous and awkward and they go ahead with it and then they ask Claire and Murtagh to sign off on it and they’re all, “Yep, I guess.” and it’s not like how you want a wedding to go but it’s official and that’s all I have to say about that.

13. Next, in the war room, Poncey and the guys are talking about how they can catch Cumberland off guard during the birthday celebrations. Jamie comes up with a plan to use two different columns of soldiers to entrap the enemy between them. It’s a great plan and it could change the course of the war.


Well, Poncey goes for it and says “I will bring Cumberland my best bottle of wine, just to see his reaction when he’s my prisoner. And the plan is in place. Later that night, they will go ahead and march the twelve miles to Nairn and attack at dawn. And it hits me that this is the last Mark Me of the season. (I hope)

14. Colum is in bed, and Dougal comes in to talk. He pours his heart out to his brother, what a miserable live he’s had being second to the laird, how he got pissed off when Colum fell off the horse when he was a kid and all that other kid stuff. Colum is all, “Dude, your life is your own. How you lived it is up to you. Now can you leave me alone to die already?”

Oh, Outlander, I know you want me to give a damn about D-Mac, but I really don’t because he made me hate him with killing Leftenant Cutie in episode 10. So my having anything good to say about him is over. He’s an ass, and I pretty much hate him. And so does the audience. So stop trying to make me have sympathy for him because I don’t and you know why.

Oh, and Colum dies halfway through this entire monologue sparing himself from hearing what an awful life Dougal had and why he’s angry at Colum. Which pretty much pisses him off for the rest of his life.

15. Then, we have to watch the last death rattle of Alex Randall and everyone is all nervous and then he gives his last breath and everyone is all in tears and then Black Jack Randall jumps on the corpse and punches it repeatedly in a furious anger and Claire and Mary are watching in horror and the BJR gets off the body and walks the fuck out and they’re looking on like, What The Actual Fuck? And that’s all I have to say about that.

16. Jamie is pissed at Claire because she allowed Randall to marry Mary. And Claire says, “Um, she’s going to be his widow.” But Jamie says, “But what about this battle? If he’s not there, and we win, he’ll survive.”

randall death

17. So the soldiers march off to the battle, and when they finally get to the place Murtagh comes up to tell them that Poncey and general McBluster are lost in the woods. “So we continue with the plan,” Jamie says, and the General he’s with, who by the way has been the voice of reason this entire time, says “Nah, we have to turn back. And the troops are all, “Maaan?” because that would make them march twenty four miles that night on almost empty stomachs.

Murtagh looks at Jamie like, “Dude, I guess we can’t change history after all.” and Jamie’s all, I guess not.


And here it is, your Jamie Moony Eye pic of the week.



211 Vengeance is Mine

211 Vengeance is Mine


When an episode of Outlander starts with teeth pulling and ends with a guy getting his head chopped off, I think you’ve covered all the bases. I think we can all agree that when Diana Gabaldon pens an episode of her show, the fans are going to be very happy. I also think we need to just let her have the writing of all the scripts for season 3, yeah? I mean, come on! This is a far cry from Daffy Duck comics, yeah? Loved it! So let’s get to it then, shall we?

1. Gotta take the bad with the good, I guess. So we hear through Claire’s voiceover that they have had great success in their quest for the throne. They have found much needed artillery, and they’ve made steady progress. However, the uprising from other clans hasn’t materialized, meaning no new troops to be thrown into the meat grinder of the Jacobite uprising.

Meanwhile, Claire is doing dental surgery on a guy, without anesthesia, because there wasn’t any back then obviously. Murtagh shares a few funny looks with her.

And then it’s inside with the royal highness and the fighting generals. Which would be a great band name, yeah?

2. When you are surrounded and outnumbered by overwhelming odds and you have an escape, usually retreat is the best option. The generals want to retire to winter quarters and recruit more men for another push in the spring. The King wants to keep going forward. They could be in London within 5 days, the war would be over.

odds 30k

However, the generals are in agreement on this one. They should know, having an underwhelming number of forces against the English troops would be suicide. Jamie says, “Why don’t we march around them?” and the generals scoff at this because it’s ludicrous to them. And it really is. They’d have pickets, scouts, forward observers, and all manner of ways to know where and when the Jacobite army is moving and where they’re going.

Finally, Charlie says, “Is there not one among you who wants to keep moving forward, to victory?” and only Jamie steps up, kneels in front of him, and says, “Yo, just me I guess” with a kissy show of supplication. Well, the Ponce goes on a tirade, involving no Mark Me’s whatsoever. And this is the best part of the show, because in an effort to keep us all sober, DG has decided not to use the most annoying catchphrase in the whole of TV history.

mark me

3. Meanwhile, outside, in the Dentist’s chair, we see Claire going toe to toe with a woman’s molar. And once again, I’m cringing with the sounds and the woman’s screams. I endured Episode 16 last year, why the hell does minor surgery like this make me want to throw up?

Rupert, drunk and missing his friend, says to the kid who is up next, “Dinna fash it, My bestie Angus once got his two front teeth knocked out by a cow, and for two days he was afraid to shit for fear of being bitten,” badump bump! Aww, it’s so sad watching Rupert without his right hand man. His continued anguish makes me hate you, Outlander!

The prince storms out, followed by his men, and he’s having none of it. He’s got that look on his face that says, “Fuck all y’all, I’m going to go get drunk.” while they’re still trying to reason with him. The men gather around, disappointment on their faces, and ask what’s up? Jamie’s all, “Yeah, we have to go back to Scotland. Dinna fash, you’ll be safe at Lallybroch.” And they all have to pretty much accept that fact.
Then he apologizes to Claire. “Sorry I couldn’t change history, Sassenach. I guess the time stream is immutable like some recap bloggers and horror novelists claim.”

4. One of the hallmarks of a great DG novel is the simple moments, the interludes when there is no action, no plot, but just small scenes and set pieces that show the love between Claire and Jamie. The next bit is one of those scenes. I’m not sure if this would have been in any other writer’s script, (and you can correct me if I’m wrong) but I can easily see Herself fighting for this scene to be in this episode.

Jamie talks to Claire in Gaelic, in bed, naked, while she’s asleep. When he’s done, pouring out his heart and love to her, she wakes up and turns around to ask him what he was saying. “Dinna fash, it was nothing but nonsense if I told you while you were awake.” and this is true. Ladies, sometimes when you don’t know it, when your back is turned or when you are asleep, your man will say some very flattering things. Just don’t pay attention to it, because it’ll sound ridiculous to you, but we mean every word of it.

Then we see him crawl into bed and everything goes to black. And Outlander, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!!! The fans have gone 4 episodes without a Claire and Jamie horizontal bounce, and we want it now! This just kissy huggy thing isn’t going to cut it anymore. There’s only been one, ONE instance of the naked mambo this season, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that we get something, even a fifteen second shot of them having a good time in the sheets. Hell, Soap Opera stars do it every episode, for crying out loud. So Get With It Outlander! We subscribed to see skin, and right now it’s all, death and war, and politics. Come on!

5. HEEEERE’s Dougal! He comes to their lodging with a note from Bonny Prince Chuck, and he ain’t happy. He hands Jamie the note and turns out he’s being ordered with his men to Inverness.


Why Inverness? Because O’Sullivan thinks that Jamie has too much influence with the prince, and might incite him to move south. So he’s being exiled far away in order to keep him away from Charlie. So Jamie accepts this begrudgingly and says, “What about the provisions for my men?” and Dougal says in a sarcastic tone, “Well, the people who are sympathetic to Charlie can just give him credit.”

Then Dougal announces that the prince took Jamie’s horse, to go along with the insult of sending him away where he won’t influence Poncey to do something reckless like change history or affect the time stream.

So without any options, “I hear Inverness sounds lovely this time of year, aye, Sassenach?” he says. And without further ado, we are treated to a slow motion montage of guys marching through the beautiful Scottish highland scenery. God, I’m so glad we’re back here, that stuffy closed in Paris skyline and multitude of buildings was getting on my nerves.

6. During the march, the men are set upon by an English ambush. Jamie and Rupert are talking when one of the guards who is supposed to be watching gets shot. Then everything goes wonky in an instant. Men are firing at the redcoats, the redcoats are firing back, and there are shouts of where to go and what to do from Jamie and Dougal.

Jamie, Claire, and a few others jump on horses and start to lead the British cavalry through trails and roads, and in the process, Rupert is shot and almost goes over the side of his horse. Dougal protects him, though, and gets him back up just in time for the men and one woman to find a hideout of sorts. Well, the British go past them, and then the group goes the other way.

That’s when they stumble on a church. And I’m very nervous about Rupert suddenly. Because Book Purist is going “here’s the scene from the book!” and I know DG wrote this script so it’s going to go down exactly that way and suddenly I’m sad all over again.

7. After a quick recon at the church they decide to go for it and Jamie goes up to the door, only to find Ross guarding the door. Apparently, the men were ambushed and captured, so it’s just Jamie and the boys left. Claire goes into surgery mode on Rupert, trying to get the bullet out of his eye with the barest minimum of surgical tools. Once again, we get horrific surgery noises and I’m cringing all over again. I’m starting to wonder if Rupert isn’t indestructible. All those predictions of his death are greatly exaggerated.

The men decide to wait it out until nightfall to keep a low profile, but then it turns out the British weren’t as dumb as they once were thought. They surround the church and yell for the men to come out. Because if they don’t come out and throw down their weapons, the brits are going to burn them out.

Claire comes up with a plan. She’s going to pull a LJG Damsel In Distress gambit. Jamie won’t have any of it, because he doesn’t trust the british at this point, and rightly so. But Dougal steps in and says, “It’s a brilliant plan. And by brilliant, I mean it’s a one in a million chance, and those always work in fiction.”

In layman’s terms: if there’s a million to one chance against something of vital importance happening, then it’s that one time rather than the other million times. This is Truth in Television to a certain degree that it becomes likely that an extremely improbable event will occur to someone, and it’s his story that’s told.

Jamie is still unconvinced. Then Claire lays the smack down because if there’s anything you never want to do is question Mama Claire that a course of action is the right thing to do. She yells at him, “Dude, I’m Lady Broch Turach! And if you think I don’t care for these guys, prove it! I’ve done surgery, I’ve given up a ton of stuff, like running water and penicillin and fatty foods and the creation of MacDonalds, so this is what I’m going to do, so there!”

Well, he relents, and says, “Okay, we’ll find each other, I promise.” and she’s all, “I know, we’re the heroes of the story, of course you’ll find me without any trouble.” So Dougal goes out to the Brits and says, “You can take mistress Beauchamp and we’ll get to go about our merry way.”

trick question

She bids her farewell to the men, and wonders, “How can I pull this off? I have a glass face, it is almost impossible for me to lie.” and Fergus goes, “Well, you could always act faint, because if there’s anything men of this era accept it’s that women of this era are pretty much weak and afraid all the time.”

“So everything that I’m not, then?” she says, and Fergus is all, “Pretty much.”

So Dougal takes Claire out of the church and hands her supine body to the british soldiers. Jamie can’t come out on account of the price on his head, so he hides in the church hoping and praying that the English Captain is stupid and won’t inspect the church. Which he doesn’t do after all, proving the point that these guys possess all the tactical ingenuity of a soiled grape. The Captain instructs the highlanders to go back home in peace and act like royal subjects of the british king. Dougal has to open his big fat mouth and says, “We’ll do that when a true king is wearing that crown.”


Then the brits take Claire and ride off, leaving Jamie and Dougal behind to figure out how to get Claire back. Jamie and Murtagh decide to go off in search of her, while the rest of the guys go off to safety. And then Rupert’s all, “When you find her, gi’ her a wink for me.” and he does actually sound like a pirate then.

8. Claire is taken to a nearby town for the night, while the men figure out what to do with her. There’s talk of taking her to a nearby garrison, and that’s the prevailing wisdom. While there, she sees two things. One, the beggar Monroe, and two, a wanted poster for her man. And whoever drew that must have been looking at the cast phtos because that’s a pretty good likeness of our ginger Scot.
Once in the tavern, she tries to get some rest, by herself in front of a fire. But then

that guy

I’m all, “Dude, really?” God, there’s always one guy. Sorry ladies. I have nothing to say beyond that.

In the morning, Claire is awoken by one lone soldier who has been instructed to take her to a nearby manor of an English lord. I wonder who that could be… On the way, she spots Monroe again, and surreptitiously tells the beggar that she’s being sent away to Belmont instead of Hazelmere. He hears this and nods and then the guy puts her on the horse to take her away to the castle of the Duke. And we all know at this point who this particular Duke is, right?

9. So, She gets taken past the troops outside the Belmont Estate, and goes in to meet the Duke of Sandringham. Everyone’s favorite Cowardly Lion. After a brief introduction where the Duke shows total ignorance of who Claire is, the Leftenant leaves and it’s just the two of them standing there with an awkward pause before Clarence decides, “I need a drink! What about you?”

drink meme

10. That night, which leads me to question the continuity because I thought it was just light a few minutes ago, but whatever, Jamie and Murtagh are scouting a camp and notice there are a couple of horses that they’re going to have to steal. “So now we’re murderers, rebels, traitors, and we’re going to be horse thieves? Did you ever think that marrying Claire wasn‘t the wisest thing you ever did?” and Jamie’s all, “No. never occurred to me at all. Since I wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t set my arm, and saved my life on I don’t know how many occasions.” Which is a good answer, and should be an example of what to say for husbands everywhere when this question is asked of them.

11. So it turns out that the Duke is under suspicion of being a Jacobite, which he is, and that’s why the English have ringed his estate like a turtle. It turns out the Tower of London has been a residence of the Duke because there was a question of his loyalties to the English Crown and he didn’t like it there. So that’s why his residence is surrounded by the redcoats and their stupid red coats. Ugh, how gauche. Everyone knows red doesn’t go with forest green, which would be a lot better to use in the countryside so as to help them not stand out when people want to kill them in buckets.
Since they both want to get as far away from the redcoats as possible, they agree to a deal. Since she knows Jamie is coming for them, she tells him that when he gets there, they’ll both go and that’s that. She needs to write a note to Jamie, so Clarence gives her paper and a quill to make this happen. She writes a note in Gaelic, and Sandringham takes it to be delivered.

Then Mary Hawkins comes in and sees Claire, and I hear the entire audience groan and say, “What the fuck, this girl again?” because there aren’t enough damsels in distress in this show already. She spirits away Claire and tells her that she has to get away from Sandringham. It turns out she’s the man’s god daughter, and she is betrothed to be married to yet another stuffy British pedophile that is a million years older than her because there’s apparently money involved and the duke is an absolute scumbag that doesn’t care about her at all.

So Claire says, “Well, yeah I guess I have to, because if I don’t protect you and make sure you marry some other guy that would lead to me being here, I wouldn’t be here, so there’s that. FML!”

12. On the road, the delivery guy comes upon a man that I can only assume is a trapper, or something since eh has animal carcasses dangling from string and looks like he’s come from a fresh hunting trip.

roger trapper

The guy eventually tells him he’s met a man in a slouch hat on the road not too long ago, and the courier goes off in search of slough hat guy, because this must be the beggar he seeks. A few minutes later, he finds Munroe and calls him out from behind a tree. Munroe comes out, beats the guy up a few seconds, until the guy says, “I’ve got a message for Jamie Fraser, from Madame Claire!” So Munroe takes it and runs off into the night, without leaving the guy so much as a tuppence and a by your leave.

13. Meanwhile, back at Belmont, Claire is waiting for Jamie and his dashing movie star hero rescue attempt. Sandringham and his valet come in, and the Duke tells Claire that he has ordered the men outside to hang back a bit and wait. He takes his cloak off, and hands it to the Valet and that’s when Claire notices the port wine stain on the Valet’s hand. She remembers the incident in paris and says, “When did you hire this man?”

Sandringham says, “I had him in paris, why?” and Claire’s all, “Because he’s a rapey douchebag and I should know, because he did that to Mary.” Well, the duke gets mad at the guy, “I told you to wear gloves!” and the dude closes the door behind them and locks it, saying, “The ones you had me wear were teal. I told you, I don’t wear teal! I’m a bad guy, bad guys wear black!”

Sandringham turns back to Claire. “See, what happened was, I owed Le Comte St. Germain a lot of money, and since you pissed him off, I told him I would take care of you so I wouldn’t owe him money anymore. So win/win, as far as I’m concerned. Except for the whole ‘Raping my god daughter’ thing. I never meant to harm you. Hell, if he had his way you’d have been murdered. But then I reminded him that if you had been murdered, there would have been a whole host of complications, the first being Jamie would scour the city killing everyone in his revenge and this whole series would have gone into George R. R Martin territory.”

Claire says they’re going to regret sending the redcoats away, because he’s going to get bloody revenge once he finds out. And the duke isn’t scared because he tells Claire “It’s all an elaborate trap. You see, how better could I show my loyalty by giving up the notorious Red Jamie, thus showing that I’m loyal to the crown and not in fact a Jacobite at all. So yet another Win/Win. Ah, I so love being a spider when flies are buzzing around my web.”

This whole time I’m thinking of starting a web series called the Villain Monologues. Because every villain always tells their cunning plan moments before that same cunning plan comes crashing to the ground. “You could hang side by side, traitors to the king, it would be so romantic.” he finally says, and I’m thinking, “Claire, why did you even trust him? Did you forget the whole, ‘petition of complaint’ incident?”

14. Munroe finds Jamie, give him the note, and we have one of the funny scenes of the episode. This is one of thse hallmarks of Diana Gabaldon’s writing prowess. She puts in a scene that makes you laugh all the way through, sandwiched in between tow dramatic emotional scenes. There are tons of these in the books between Claire and Jamie and young Ian. Sorry, book purist came out.

The men try to understand her hen scrathc, despite the misspellings of Gaelic, the grammar errors, and at one point decide, “This is totally unreadable, like a you tube video commenter or Facebook political rant. I mean, I can’t understand her article verb noun placement here.” and Murtagh says, “She even misspelled help!” finally, Munroe says, “Sandringham, dude! Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, are ye daft man?”

“You can talk?” jamie says, and Munroe is all, “Yeah, I just like saying Ook all the time. Lol”

15. Meanwhile, at the manor, Mary comes into the room they’ve put Claire using a handy dandy secret door. Mary’s all, “What are you doing all locked up like this?” and Claire explains, “You have to get out of here, stop being a simpering little girl I need you to be strong for me. I have to get out of here, and warn Jamie that this is a trap.”

But Mary is all, “I can’t go out to the front door in the night to meet a filthy beggar, that’s some high level Claire Fraser shit right there. What do you take me for, someone who has an ounce of courage?”

“Fine, I’ll do it. Just stay quiet and away from all the action. Don’t be like me at all. There’s a girl.” Claire says. And she goes down the stairs to get out the kitchen. And who does she run into? Yeah, This guy.

sandringham eat

Moments later, he asks about her killing of the Comte. She says it was kind of an accident, but the Duke will have none of that. He keeps pestering her about it, and Claire says, “I’m hungry after all, do you mind if I have some of that indistinguishable meat there with that horribly sharp knife sticking out of it?” And Duke is all, “Sure, but I get to use it, not you. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“I’m not going to answer that…”

Then Mary comes in, claiming she’s hungry. Well, the duke will have none of it, gives her a slice of pie and says, “Now go to bed, there’s a girl. The adults are talking about murder and rape and stuff, nothing for your delicate little ears.”

16. Then Mary goes to the front door as instructed by Claire and meets an English soldier. Before he can ask what she’s doing, Munroe comes behind the man and knocks him out with a huge rock. Then, the Valet comes down to find out what she’s doing, tries to grab her, and she keeps his eyes averted from the front door while Munroe pulls the body out of the door.

He takes young Mary into the dining room and she’s all crying about how she tried to get away and she can’t marry that old stuffy guy, and she’s a scaredy cat, and the duke tells her to “Just go to bed!” well, this was apparently the signal for everything to go wonky because that’s the cue for Jamie to break in and surprise everyone.

Port Wine Stain grabs a knife and puts it to Claire’s throat, The duke stands up, puts on his wig, because apparently, you have to have a bit of style when uninvited guests break in your home to rescue their wives. The man orders Jamie to put down the dirk he’s holding, which Jamie does, but then Murtagh comes in and distracts the dude. Jamie punches the guy, shoves him down on the floor, and Claire identifies the guy as the one who attacked them in Paris.

“What’s that you said?” says mary’s look. “Because I think I just heard you say this is the guy who raped me, is that it?” The Duke is all, “No, that’s not what happened at all. Le Comte had so much worse in mind. You know me, Jamie, I’d never countenance such a thing as dastardly as rape.” and Claire is having none of it. “Dude, you so totally told these guys to rape us.” and that’s all Jamie had to hear.

He grabs the Duke by the throat, pulls of his stupid little wig, and says, “Aye, I do know you, you sniveling little coward!” and he pushes the duke away. And that’s when we see Murtagh go into Scary Murtagh mode, and pick up an axe.

murtagh montoya

Meanwhile, Mary picks up a dagger on the floor, goes to Port Wine Macrapeypants and stabs the life out of him. The Duke is surprised, and rightly so. Because that’s the point where Murtagh advances on the duke and takes after him with an axe. To the throat. With a spray of blood. Ewww…. And he keeps on cutting with a vengeance until the Duke’s head is split from his body. Then wordlessly, he takes the head to Claire, kneels down and says, “I promised you, and now I lay your vengeance at your feet.” and the crowd goes wild.

“Dude, we gotta bounce,” says Mary, and they all agree, leaving a couple of dead bodies in the estate dining room.

And here it is your Jamie Mooney eye pic of the week. Which no one guessed, because I’m changing it up since my sister tells me she knows where I’m taking it from each week, so there! Ha!


Episode 210 Prestonpans

Episode 210 Prestonpans

A special thanks to Kate Reed of  MKR Designs for the featured image this week.


When I was a kid, I became interested in history, specifically, wars. This included the American Revolution, the American Civil War, and World War 2. I loved researching every aspect, every battle, every detail of how these wars and battles shaped the country and the world. I wrote research papers on pivotal battles of world history; Hastings in 1066, Gettysburg in 1863, D-day in 1944. So when I picked up Diana Gabaldon’s books and started reading about the pivotal battles of the English nation, I realized how little I knew about the pivotal events that shaped the English countryside. Strangely, in all my research I had never heard about the battle of Culloden, nor had I read anything about The Risings. I realized that without the watershed moment of Culloden, the way things could have been as opposed to the way they actually turned out.

One of the things I love about these books is the relentless attention to detail when it comes to making history Right. I have read other historical fiction where the writer fudges details for the sake of story. And I mean huge fudges where history is taken out of context and forced to fit it into the story just because. This shows a great contempt for the reader, one which Diana Gabaldon has never held for her readers. Sure, she could take one year between novels and just throw us the next Outlander Big Book, but she isn’t going to do that, and I respect her relentless pursuit of Fact and getting things correct, even if it takes four or five years to get the next one.

So when I watched this episode, I said to myself, they got it. They got everything right. They followed the Gabaldonian code of the relentless pursuit of Fact when it came to the Battle of Prestonpans. And they made us feel for every character, no matter if they had been with us since the first episode, the fifth episode or the episode from the week before. Every character has character, joys, sorrows, wants, needs, and a history. Be they plain spoken farmers, cottars, unruly Scots with a heart of gold, or English soldiers with noble heart and spirit. And that’s one of the things from my research into battles that was fascinating, the characters. The historical figures we read about who help shape battles and history. These mythical figures, the General Lees, the Pattons, the Bonny Prince Charlies, the Washingtons are scattered all over the pages of history.

But little do we hear about the Kinkaids, the Mohrs, the Fosters, or the Frasers. This is why I read the series, and why I watch the show. These characters, no matter how small, all have life, and when they are taken from us, we cry, we gnash our teeth, we weep for the characters they left behind as though they are our family, our brethren, our brothers in battle that didn’t make it back home. So here it is a day after watching episode 10 that my heart is still sad for Rupert, and Ross, and a fandom that loved Leftenant Jeremy Foster.

Ok, enough of my infernal blathering, let’s get it on with, aye?

1. I hate spiders. That is all. Seeing one crawl out of a dead guy’s mouth was icky. And I’m sure it was for Claire, because we see her looking over the body of a dead Scot, watching the maggots and insects writhe on his desiccated corpse. She is ruminating in a voice over about the battles yet to come and how many are going to die.

SIDE NOTE: Hey, Ron@Co, can we get rid of the VO already? I don’t really think it’s necessary anymore. There are other ways to tell the story, and having her talk to us and describe things we already see is kind of defeating the purpose, you know? I’m hoping in season 3 there will be enough characters around where we don’t need to do this. That is all.

Jamie hurries her up with a question about how long it takes to wash herself, and it’s off to the camp where Bonny Prince Charlie and the Battling Clansmen fight about hw to carry out the battle to come.

2. “War is of vital importance to the state, hence under no circumstances should it be ignored. When in peace, prepare for war. And when in war, prepare for peace.” Sun Tzu, The Art of War. I read this book in seventh grade. I know, I am a huge nerd, (and anyone who has followed me this far can agree by reading my writing.) so throughout this recap I will be quoting from this book because they followed it to the letter in order to win the battle. If only they had followed it to the letter in regards to Culloden, we might see a different map of the world, but that’s just speculation at this point, ken?

The generals are arguing about what to do, how to conduct the battle, and there seems to be a disconnect about how to navigate a certain spot of boggy ground that stands in between the Scots and the Brits. The only way to get to the British is to march through this tough patch of marsh, which would open up the Scots for a huge amount of casualties as they get bogged down in it. The other alternative is to sit in place on the high ground and let the English come to them. It’s a stalemate, and could last quite a while. Neither general likes the idea.

“Country in where there are precipitous cliffs with torrents running between, deep natural hollows, confined spaces, quagmires, and tangled thickets should be left with all possible haste and not approached.” Sun Tzu. One general seems to be following this advice, while the Irish quartermaster seems unaware of this rule of war. Jamie agrees, we can’t go over boggy ground. However, he comes up with a plan that might work and involves a certain Mackenzie war chief.

On the way out of the War Council, Bonny Mark Me Charles comes to Jamie and asks, “When the battle is over, could you have Claire treat the English wounded first?” and Jamie’s all, “I don’t think so. You do realize who we’re talking about here, right?”

3. Men who are in camp and not doing anything quickly become bored. Angus is pestering Kinkaid by spitting water at him, and generally being an asshole. And yes, this is what bored men do when they are waiting to be told what to do. They antagonize each other. Well, Kinkaid will have none of it, and his BFF Ross gets up to help him. Dougal can’t get an ounce of sleep, and yells at all them to keep it down, while turning over and trying to get a few winks in before he has to go kill Brits.

Ross and Kinkaid are getting in Angus’ face, and the wily little rogue pulls a dirk and starts shouting about how unprepared the other guys are for this battle, and how they’ll probably run away when the first shot is fired. Murtagh sees this, and tells Angus to put the dirk away, to which Angus says, “Don’t tell me what to do, you bushy faced whoreson!” and all the Murtagh fans in the audience are like, “Aww, no he didn’t!” Then Jamie shows up and says, “Is that a dirk in your hand Angus?”

Jamie comes to Dougal with a proposition. “I need you to go out into that boggy marsh and see if you can get across it.”


4. So Dougal goes out toward the marshland, to see if infantry can get across it. In their prior conversation, they agreed that he should stay about a hundred and twenty five yards away, just to test the ground. He goes out there, and the British soldiers stand to get a look at this crazy Scot’s antics, and so do is fellow countrymen. The Brits start firing on him, missing with every shot. Dougal just wades farther into the marsh, until he gets bogged down and the horse can’t get out of the muck with him on it.

So he gets off, and a shot goes through his hat, scratching his head. At that point, he’s had it. He pulls the horse out of the mud all the while the Brits are still firing and getting closer to his position, and gets the hell out of dodge.

Meanwhile, Bonny Ponce Charles comes out to see what is going on, and Angus asks, “Who are you?” and Charlie says, “Uh, yeah, the prince you all are fighting for.” and Angus is all, “Oh, ain’t he posh.” while Rupert shows the prince respect and nudges Angus to do the same. Which he does, half heartedly.
Dougal comes back to the triumphant howls of his brethren, and Charlie comes up and gives him a rather embarrassing hug. “You are the finest and bravest night in all the land, will you join me at my court at Camelot?” Dougal is taken aback, and can say nothing. “I wish I had a hundred men like you in my army. Then we would win this war no problem.” Yeah, that’s what this show needs, one hundred Dougals.

Jamie comes up to thank him, and says, “you‘re hurt there, you want Clare to look at it?” “Tis but a scratch, I have bigger things to do right now.” Dougal says. And Jamie‘s all, “Well, you certainly are the hero of the hour. Want a dram?” “After I go change my soiled breeks, yeah. Heroing is hard work on the bowels, ken?” Dougal answers, and goes off to get into something a little less poopy if you know what I mean.

So the generals argue some more about what to do concerning the bog, now that it’s been shown to be impassable. Charles tells them to figure it out, we don’t have time to waste here bickering and arguing. We need to move, and quickly, before more redcoats have a chance to get here and bolster their position.

5. In the field hospital, Claire tells the women what to do, about how they need to follow her orders when it comes to who to treat first, how to clean equipment, and the beneficial aspects of honey water. One woman looks at her like, “What’s blood pressure?” and all the while Fergus is messing with the equipment and generally making a nuisance of himself.

6. Later, Fergus brings in a man who wants to speak to a general. Apparently he has information that may prove useful to the cause, as he knows the land around the battlefield having lived on it for his entire life. Fergus goes to get Jamie, and the man is introduced as a Mr. Richard Anderson. He explains that there is a way for the Highland army to get down the ridge and have easier access to the enemy. It would certainly end the stalemate the two camps are in, that’s for sure.

So Charles, Jamie, and the General come back and have another argument about this, wondering where the Irish quartermaster General is. “Probably out trying to find food for his men,” says the General. “We need to strike, and now. This is our chance for Scotland, and glorious victory!” and all that other jingoistic stuff that generals do to convince an army or other people to go kill for them.

After a few moments of hemming and hawing, Poncey agrees. “We will win this battle for god and country, Mark me!” and it’s at this point, I think they went for the world record of “Mark Mes” in a single episode. This is what, six already? Damn, at this rate I’ll be plowed by the end of this show.

7. Ross and Kinkaid and Murtagh and Jamie and Rupert and Angus. Brothers in life, in battle, friends forever. These men show what true friendship is all about, giving of each other, baring emotions before the fateful taking up of arms against their enemy. None knowing whether they will come back alive, how their lives will matter to the victory, and what to do if either of them lives and the other one doesn’t.

Ross and Kinkaid spit shake on their agreement. One takes care of the other’s stuff, family, goods, and property. Because that’s what true friends do. They watch over each other if either one falls in battle. This is when I start really liking these two, and a testament to the writing. When you start to make me care for characters you just introduced last episode, and you make me start worrying about their welfare, you’ve done a great job as a writer.

Angus and Rupert share a comical moment, where Angus sees the agreement made between Ross and Kinkaid, and tries to do the same with Rupert. “You can have my sword, and my hoor.” Angus says with lethal seriousness. Rupert isn’t having any of it. Because it’s Rupert and Angus, there wouldn’t ever be a point where it’s not Rupert and Angus. “Dude, we’re the comic relief of this show, dinna fash, we’ll come out of this alive.” says Rupert, and you want to believe him with every fiber of your being. You really want to believe him, even though their conversation is like a cloud over the rest of the episode.
Murtagh and Jamie share a few words, amounting to Murtagh saying that he doesn’t know hw one man’s death could have an effect on the coming battle when there are thousands of men fighting, as opposed to a raid when there are a few fighting to get what they want. Jamie has no words of comfort. Because for once, he doesn’t know the answer to the question. “It’s a shame we couldn’t stop all this in Paris,” Jamie says. “It almost cost me my wife, and all that I hold dear.” And Murtagh is all, “Maybe we can’t change history.”
No, you can’t. and both men realize that about the same time. They tried and failed, and now they have to try to win the war, knowing what will happen. With that thought, Jamie leaves Murtagh sharpening his dirk for the thousandth time, echoing the behavior of men on the eve of battle that don’t know what else to do but hone their weaponry and their senses.

8. A few minutes later, The men go to Claire, and Angus asks for a kiss. “If I’m laying on the field of battle, I don’t want to think how my last request of a kiss from a pretty woman was denied.” Rupert’s all, Dude, we’re going to be fine. When we get back we’ll share a dram.” but regardless, Claire kisses Angus on the cheek, and in a serious moment the share a look. And you know he really cares about her, and she cares deeply about him. Despite their differences, and their arguments and difficulties in the past, they have always had a respect for each other.

Then she says to Murtagh, “Keep Jamie safe,” and he just answers, “Always.” Then he asks if they win this battle, and she says, “Yes, we win this one.” but her words “But we still lose the war” hang silent in the air between them. Because she knows it, but doesn’t want to say it at all, lest it come true.

Jamie steps up, and they share a kiss, full of want, and longing, and all the things that you can’t say out loud, but that you say with a deep meaningful joining of bodies in passion. “On your way soldier,” she says, and once more leaves out the “If you don’t come back I’ll find you and kill you myself.”

9. While the men walk through misty marshes on their way to a day of slaughter, Claire gets her troops ready for the doctoring work to come. Then she looks around for Fergus, and doesn’t’ see him. “Where’s Fergus?” she asks, and in the next scene

We see the kid carrying one of her knives, ready to fight along with his laird. This is when I start getting nervous for the wee lad, because they have diverted from the source material before, and in the books he’s still around eight books later and there’s a certain tension in the thought they could do anything with characters like that. One of the great things about the show in difference to the books is that anything could happen, and that in itself is tension enough to watch the show. The uncertainty principle when it comes to who could die and when.

The men line up for the battle, mist is heavy and thick, and Anderson says to Jamie, “Well, I got you here, so imma bounce, General.” And Jamie says, “I’m no general, but Scotland owes you a debt.” So the kid goes, and we see Jamie go to the prince and tell him to stay put with the other generals.

“This is my army, my destiny, and I have to lead my men into battle.“ he says, and Jamie will have none of it. “But I have a sword, and I know how to use it,” Charlie says, “Besides, if I die, I don’t think my dad will really care, since he’s not so fond of me.” and he throws another Mark Me into the mix because I’m not drunk enough at this point. Thanks Outlander for making me suck down another shot of Tequila. That’s what, seven so far? I can hardly take notes at this point!
10. Back in the field hospital, Claire marshals her own troops with words of wisdom. The girls are all full of trepidation and worry, and so Claire goes full combat nurse mode and gives them a speech that is basically, “I know you’ll all do fine, and just do your best, because that’s all you can do at this point.”

The sense of looming dread is played in this scene so well by a constant thunderous pounding of drums, and as it rises in tempo the men start moving through the mist, and then the drum stops on one lone exhausted sentry resting his head on his rifle. Then we hear the thundering footsteps of several hundred Scots, and he looks up just in time to see a wall of bearded highlanders rushing his position.


It is a brutal slaughter at this point. The English don’t know where to go, and for the next several moments, we see Highlanders butchering English soldiers without mercy. This is battle, unrepentant killing for the sake of murder.

11. In the field hospital, we see Ross with a look of shock and horror on his face. He has a body over his shoulder, his best friend Kinkaid. He implores Claire to save him, but it is too late. And with a look of finality, he tries to stop her, to implore her to use her powers to bring him back, and the look she gives him shows that she is unable to do so. There are no words for his despair. And again, Ron & Co I love you and hate you for letting me start to like a second tier character. I think he was one of us, tho. The new recruit, not the season hardened fighter. Not the warrior, but a normal guy like the rest of us. That’s what hurts, and it also shows us the brutal randomness of war.

Then we see the English soldiers running, hiding from the Scots, playing dead, and at one point a guy looking at his arm wondering where his hand is. And it’s at this point I feel like I’m watching the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Did you guys in production spare no expense with the gore effects here?

12. There comes a point in every war movie or TV show where your favorite character suffers a wound and you instantly leap out of your seat and yell “NOOOOO!” OH MY GOD!” At the screen. This was one of those moments for me. The English general is trying to rally his troops, there’s total bedlam, and then he sees Rupert standing there, and charges.

Then we hear the gut wrenching sound of metal going through flesh. Rupert falls, holding his guts and trying to keep them inside his body. The next few instances show like a mini flash forward out of sequence memory. Angus brings in Rupert’s body to Claire. He yells at her to try to patch him up, even though there are several English prisoners who have gotten there before him.

Rupert asks about the cannon, and Angus says, “Don’t worry about that.” Then Claire gets needle and thread and all the while I’m yelling at the screen, “You save him! You do everything you can to make sure he’s safe! He isn’t supposed to die this day! Not today!”

We see through flashbacks what happened. When the general stabbed Rupert, Angus shot the man from his horse, and while standing there, a cannon ball went off behind him, and threw him to the ground. The flashback ends with both of them on the ground, crawling to get close to each other.

After the surgery, Angus is watching over his best friend. Claire looks at him and surmises that he’s got a mild concussion, and he’ll be fine. Angus sits with Rupert, “As long as his stomach goes up and down, he’ll be fine.” he says. And Claire can only agree. “As long as that happens, there’s hope.”

13. Then Jamie comes in, with the sun shining at his back and declares the battle is won. Hundreds of British dying or wounded, and with the loss of only fifty Scots. “If only we had cavalry, we could pursue the English and capture their general and end this rebellion once and for all.” Which is a lofty overreaction to the winning of one battle. But they once again share a smoldering kiss, one that Warrior Jamie would probably like to continue in an all out barbaric quenching of desire on his wife.

Then she looks him over, trying to figure out if he’s been wounded. Seeing no outward harm, she looks around for Fergus. “He’s outside, he did well, aye?” Jamie says. But Claire is going to see for herself. So she goes out to admonish and love him in equal measure. “But all the men were going off to war,” he says, “If they asked you to jump off a bridge would you do that too?”

He explains that he may have inadvertently killed an English soldier, and he’s in shock with it. He’s tired, and hungry, and Mama Claire kicks in and takes him to find something to eat and a bed. Thanks god, the kid came back. And Rupert looks like he’ll pull through. So we got out without a lot of casualties at this point, yeah?

14. Dougal is stalking the battlefield killing man, and putting them out of their misery when he hears a familiar voice behind him say, “Dougal Mackenzie, still haven’t quenched your bloodlust?” and all the girls in the house go SQUEE!!! Because it’s none other that Leftenant Cutie, Jeremy Foster himself. And I am pleasantly surprised and happy that I didn’t read spoilers for this episode. I had no idea that he was going to make an appearance.

So Dougal sits down and has a chat with the guy which goes something like this. “So you’re an honorable guy, sorry about being so stabby killy to you guys in red.” and Foster’s all, “So can you patch me up? Get me to Claire? Do something to help me?” and Dougal’s says, “Nay what would be the point of saving you? You think you have a right to be saved because you were in a past episode and have a name? think again boyo.”

And that’s when I realize he is wearing a red shirt. “You may have won this battle, old man,” Foster says. “But you’ll never win the war.” And then Dougal is finished with this banter and stabs him in the stomach and kills him, while grabbing his face and saying, “I’ll see you in hell!” as the man’s life blood oozes out of his body and it’s at this point I throw my laptop to the ground yelling hateful epithets to Dougal Mac.

Just for the record, I have been in his camp for a while now. I got him finally. He wanted to make Scotland free again I get that. Okay, he’s a patriot, and I understood his motivations. BUT THIS ASSSHOLE JUST KILLED THE BEST ENGLISH OLDIER HE’S EVER MET! I FUCKING HATE YOU DOUGAL. I’M DONE WITH YOU FROM THIS POINT!

Just had to vent. I don’t care how he goes, what he does, there is no redemption for him from this point on. I can’t sympathize with him, I can’t like him, and to hell with you Outlander for thinking you can make that happen. It’s not. I have no love for the man after this point. None!

15. Now that the men have relaxed somewhat, They are all remarking that Rupert is pretty much going to pull through because he could eat like a horse. Claire comes to Jamie to inspect him because he looks like he got bruised and Jamie’s all, “Yeah, got stepped on by a horse, no worries.”

Claire gives him what for, tells him to pee in a glass and the guys start to make a game of it. She insists that he’s had a four hundred pound horse step on his kidneys and wants to make sure he isn’t bleeding in his kidneys. Well then he goes to an English soldier and says, “Dude, hold this, I’m going to see how far I can get away from it.” And the English soldier’s all, “Give you six pence if you go three feet. “ which happens. I’m a guy, pissing contests are a norm with us. Get a group of dudes together and their inner ten year old starts to come out.

Just as he’s in the middle of a number one from hell, Bonny Ponce Chuck comes in to congratulate the men and be contrite all at the same time. “Sorry we had to slaughter a shit ton of you guys but we’re besties, right? High fives?” and they aren’t having any of it.

Then Dougal comes in, lusty and powerful, grabbing broads and stealing kisses like only a true murderous A-hole does after killing one of the most beloved guys in the series. He sees the wounded Brits and starts after them, wanting to murder them as well. Calming him down, Jamie’s all, “Dude, the prince, chill the fuck out,” and holds him back. Well, Chuck will have none of it, and goes to him, grabs his face and says, “We don’t need your kind of bloodthirstiness in our army. I’m done with you. GTFO, and don’t come back!” And Dougal looks all crestfallen and the audience is happy. What we really wanted the prince to do was stab him repeatedly so we wouldn’t have to look at the man again.

Jamie cautions the prince and says, “What if we give him a bunch of horses and a group of men to hound the enemy? Kind of like that other Rapey Douchebag Jack Randall?” and the Prince says, “Yep, that’s a fine idea, that way I won’t have to see his ugly mug again. Good one Jamie.”

Then Poncey leaves, and Dougal comes to Jamie and says, “Dude, you get rid of me and champion me at the same time, that’s some stone cold Colum Mackenzie shit right there.” And Jamie’s all, “Don’t make me regret it, because I will murder you, old man, and see if I don’t.”

16. While they are all arguing over killing and pissing and stabbing English soldiers, Angus starts frothing at the mouth and having seizures on the floor. Claire quickly runs to him, sees that his stomach is red and bruised. He has been bleeding internally all this time, and he looks up at her imploring her to save him and blood is coming out of his mouth and the audience is weeping into their millionth tissue at this point because pretty soon, he dies.

And the damage to my computer exceeds all possibility of repair at this point.


Finishing watching on my tablet, I have to thank Outlander and Starz for the damage to my computer. That’ll be five hundred dollars for a new one, thank you. I’ll expect a check in the mail forthwith.

Then, Rupert groans, stands up, and hobbles over to the man’s dead body, where he takes Angus’ sword from it’s hilt and then goes to his bed shakily to hold it against his chest. You can actually hear his heart breaking for his friend through the screen. Just the look on his face after this is one of loss and pain.

17. That night, everyone is drinking to the victory. Ross and Rupert come out singing “Down among the dead men” and sharing a dram. They’re drunk as hell, they’ve just lost their best friends, and they are sharing a moment among warriors toasting the life of those they have lost and will miss desperately. Ross toasts the sky, and the look on Rupert’s face as the credits fade to black is absolutely gut wrenching. I mean, I am absolutely gutted at this point.

War is hell, they say, and by the looks of things, we know it. It is a testament to the fine acting on display throughout this entire episode. I am amazed how everyone brings their A game, even characters we only see for a few minutes on screen. I love how Ron & Co. get us to love minor characters like Kinkaid and Leftenant Cutie. But I want to also take a few lines to say a fond farewell to our beloved Angus, who has been with us since episode 1, and his first line, “Fetch me a belt, she says…” we will miss the comic relief from him and Rupert, and I’m sure they’ll show the loss of this wonderful character in the next few episodes.


Now here it is, you Jamie Moony Eye pic of the week. (Sis, did you guess this one?)


Episode 209 Je Suis Prest

Episode 209 Je Suis Prest


Jamie the General makes an appearance, and makes it his mission to turn peasants and cottars and smiths into a real fighting force. Claire has her own troubles, in the form of PTSD and remembering an incident with two young Airborne Troops in world war two. Dougal is pulling a Dougal, and the boys are back! Angus and Rupert show why they are always fan favorites. Oh, and Willie got married and was shipped off to America, to satisfy fans who were worried he would die a virgin on the bloody field of Culloden.

At first, this episode seemed “Off’ for me. There just seemed like there was something missing in all the training montages and flashbacks that I couldn’t put a finger on. It wasn’t until my third viewing that it hit me. This is a total Claire centric episode. Everything we see is mostly from her point of view, much like in the books. And don’t worry, I’m not going to have a book purist rant here. The reason she’s sad, the reason she is having all these horrible thoughts is that she’s been here before. She knows what happens in war. She knows what is happening to all these men, and her love and admiration for them shows. And her undeniable anger in knowing they are going to all die shows as well. She can’t escape that knowledge. Much like a spoiler before one of your favorite TV shows, you can’t forget no matter how hard you try. So it is with that knowledge she must at least attempt to help them, even though it makes her angry at them sometimes. So let’s get with it, aye?

1. We begin at the point we left off last week, where the men from Lovat’s lands have joined the march to war. Along the way they have lost some men when they realized that they were leaving family and friends and might possibly die for a doomed cause. The remaining men are just ambling along, holding their weapons of choice: Rakes, sticks, brooms, and other long handled farm implements. Because this is all they have. Historically, most peasants and working class guys didn’t have swords and rifles because they just didn’t have that much money. Whatever tools they had to work the land they usually made from sticks and stones, and they won’t much hurt the English troops with musket and cannon.

Claire explains in a voice over that young Simon Lovat has gone to fetch the men back and promise them land and other fine goods if they come back to the army. And good luck with that, what is he going to do, recite poetry at them til they join ranks? “Fine, fine, I’ll come back, just stop reciting verse about hurricanes to me. Jees!”

2. Then we see Murtagh and Fergus, our secondary comedy duo. Murtagh asks what took them so long, as he’s prepared a jig to dance but I guess forgot it in the five days they were later than expected. Then Murtagh sees the recruits and says, “Not much there, aye? I’ll see about whipping them into shape. Guess I’m going to have to go all R Lee Ermey up in this bitch.” (What, you didn’t think I was going to go all Full Metal Jacket this time? Think again!) Granted, Lovat didn’t send his best, Jamie agrees, but it shouldn’t take too much to shape them up. Of course, after seeing Ross and Kinkaid, he changes his mind.

Fergus comes out and complains about mistreatment from Murtagh. “He made me do all kinds of things, like fetch water, and hunt, and brush his horse saying ‘brush left, brush right, brush left, brush right.’ But in the end, I’ve got some totally rad karate moves so that’s a plus.”

3. Then, after a montage of men in tents and a nice song, out dynamic duo wakes up to a new dawn, bright with sunshine. Claire says she’s going to get the ladies to cook up as many bannocks as she can, and just as the two are set to their daily tasks, some familiar friends show their ugly mugs. Rupert and Angus show up, and Angus wants to go full on mouth slobber with her immediately.


“Did Willie not come with you?” she asks, and the two men just kind of hem and haw and stare at their feet like there’s something wrong. After a suitable period of grim faced silence, they say that the lad’s gone and got himself married. “To an Irish lass,” of all things. Willie’s moved to the new world, giving hope to all the people who wanted him to survive Culloden and bag a lass. Now that he’s in the new world, that bodes well for his inclusion in the series in future. Seeing as how Season 3 and 4 were announced this past week.

Then Dougal shows up, and proves once again what a Debbie Downer he really is.


SIDE NOTE: Okay, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Dougal. He is, at heart, a patriot. All he wants to do is get the show on the road all during this episode. He’s just trying to get Jamie to understand that. Jamie and he are at odds this entire episode, and there are some times when Jamie totally disrespects his uncle. I get what the two are trying to do, but for some reason, I guess in my opinion, if my uncle came by to help me train troops, I would respect his judgment and wouldn’t talk down to him so much.

Dougal wants to get the guys going, they can learn to march on the way to Ponce Charlie’s camp. But Jamie has other things in mind. He wants to have the men trained to march, move in formation, learn to handle rifles, and swords. These are untrained men who just amble and caper about. They won’t be worth anything when they meet the enemy. Dougal is all, “each man is worth ten times the English. They’ll be fine once I show them how to destroy a straw dummy.”

Jamie agrees to let Dougal and the others help train the undisciplined mob he’s been given, and that’ll have to do. Dougal agrees, and seems to look forward to the idea. For a few minutes until he starts screwing shit up the way only Dougal Mackenzie can.

4. Later that day, Murtagh is trying to get the men to follow orders as any drill sergeant can. He isn’t getting far though, as the men just laugh and screw off when he’s yelling at them. For some reason they don’t seem to want to take this whole “Marching and strutting about” thing seriously. One asks, “When are we getting some real weapons?”


While Murtagh is shouting at the new recruits, Claire has the first flashback of her days in the army during World War 2. The duality of Murtagh the Drill sergeant starts a series of flashbacks throughout the episode that tell a story of two young Airborne troops she comes to know. Its all quite a surprise, because she thought the incidents long buried, as most painful memories become over time.

5. She steps away from the action to find Fergus playing shinty with the fellows. This then invokes another flashback of the men in WW2 playing American baseball. That’s when I have a sudden thought, “Why didn’t Claire teach the highlanders baseball? Or football for that matter? Come on, Claire, if you’re going to try to change history, make the Scots be the ones who invent a cool sport instead of one where they hit a little white ball into little round cups. Show them a sport where they hit home runs instead of birdies and pars.

She grabs Fergus by the scruff of the neck and tells him to fetch water for Jamie. Then we have a montage of the men doing manly man things like stabbing straw dummies in the throat, marching about, Murtagh hitting and yelling at them to listen up, and Smiths making weapons and women packing musket balls.

6. One night later, Dougal is pleased with the progress of the men and says, “So let’s go see the Prince, there are clans coming to him every day, getting into his inner council. I need to be there because, well, I mean, I’m Dougal Fucking Mackenzie, and he’ll love me.” Jamie counters that he isn’t interested in being in the prince’s inner council. And I understand why because he doesn’t want to hear “Mark Me” anymore, and also he thinks the prince is an epic douchebag, so he’s in no hurry to make the men hurry up.

Murtagh is also unconvinced, that the men will all die if they face the enemy in their sad state, and Jamie pretty much agrees and shuts down Dougal’s, “Let’s go so I can get in good with the Prince” act he’s got going on.

7. Then Claire goes to Flashbackville again, when she sees Angus spitting out some bannocks he doesn’t like. This reminds her of a conversation with the two Airborne troops who were complaining about the food during WW2. Tex and Yonkers have been separated from their unit during D-Day, and ended up in a British camp. There’s talk of home, why black pudding doesn’t taste anything like sausage, pudding in general, and George Bernard Shaw for some reason. It appears Tex is a learned man which refreshingly goes against the Southern Redneck stereotype in other forms of entertainment.

8. That night, Jamie walks in on Claire fretting about something, and he instantly knows there’s something wrong. So when he asks if she is alright, she responds with “I’m fine.” which instantly sends up red flags, warning flares, and a legion of guys in the audience going, “SHE’S NOT FINE! DON’T BUY IT!” because that’s true. If a significant other says, “I’m fine,” she is absolutely so far away from fine she may as well be on another continent.

“I’m sorry I brought you here. I should have left you at Lallybroch,” he explains, hoping he’s saying the right thing. She has his Brooch “Je Suis Prest” in her hand, and the full understanding of what is to come seems to wash over her. Then he vows to keep her safe, and she insists that she is fine. But she’s really not, and he isn’t convinced.

9. The next day, Jamie delivers his “St. Crispin’s Day” speech to the men who are still going through the motions in a half hearted attempt at not being yelled at by Murtagh. So here he is talking about being a proper soldier, about war in general, and how the men should be like the English, and then Dirty Dougal and the Angry Scots (which would be a great band name BTW) come out of the blue wearing only kilts and mud screaming Tulach Ard! And waving swords around like a bunch of madmen. Naturally, the men Jamie was trying to mold into Well Trained and Disciplined soldiers all react like a bunch of scaredy cats and run off in all directions.

Apparently, Dougal thinks the only way to defeat the Brits is to run at them pell mell and scatter their ranks with a grand Scottish charge. In the face of muskets. And cannon. And well trained militia pointing weapons at them. Without any kind of clothes. Yeah, that’s going to work out well. Jamie doesn’t share his enthusiasm and takes him to task over it.

Basically, telling him that if Dougal can’t abide by the terms of Jamie being the BMOC then his help isn’t wanted and he can just go. Dougal takes this, as if his pride has been slapped, and I understand why. This is one of those moments that make me angry for Dougal. Here he is trying his best to help his nephew and show him another way to make the men truly highland soldiers, and Jamie is pushing it right back at him, which, to me, shows a little bit of disrespect.

10. Dougal goes to Claire a bit later after he’s had a chance to freshen up. I mean, dirt makes the man savage and fierce, but also makes the man icky and smelly and gross. He tries to convince her to talk to Jamie and tell him to follow Dougal’s lead, but apparently Claire remembers how much of a douchebag he’s been to her and tells him, in essence, “No way no how.” because she isn’t going to say anything about how her husband conducts himself in regards to his troops.

He’s all, “But what about our arrangement, is that still valid? Because if he dies, I’m still wanting a bit of that Claire Fraser honeypot if you know what I mean. Oh, you didn’t tell him about that, did you?” and Claire answers, “Dude, really? I tell Papa Fraser everything. He’s chill with it. But we have a backup plan so don’t worry about that.” and then she goes on, “You’re a narcissistic bully, you only care about yourself, so kindly go fuck yourself, because I don’t give a shit about you or what you do or anything about you. The amount of time Dougal Mackenzie occupies of my brain is less than the time it takes for me to say ‘There’s no place like home’.”

All he can say is, “I’m a patriot. And if having a love of country is a sin, then by god I’m the most offending soul alive.” or something. It’s about this point in time when I can’t decide if I’m watching Henry the fifth or an Outlander episode.

11. The next day, the men are going about their routines with rifles. Jamie and Murtagh are looking at Claire from a distance, and it seems like she’s having a meltdown. Jamie said he asked about what was wrong, and she said fine, to which Murtagh says, “You know that’s not true right? No woman is ever just ‘Fine’, lad. Ye ken that, I hope, from being married for over two years?” and Jamie’s all, “Oh, aye, but she isn’t talking to me, and that could mean any number of things.”

A few minutes later, Angus and Rupert are talking about their feet when Claire comes in and sees the unmistakable symptoms of trench foot. She then goes on a tear about how they should take better care of their feet. This prompts a flashback of her in camp during the War where she is explaining to the young soldiers the dangers of trench foot and how to stop it. One kid isn’t having any of it, instead he’s been checking out her ass this whole time and giving her the “How you doin‘?” smiley face thing.

Then she comes back into her own, and yells at the obstinate highlander once again, then storms out leaving Angus with a dumbfounded look on his face.


12. That night, presumably, the men are sitting around and having a few drinks and sharing ribald stories when Dougal comes in with more recruits for the Jacobite cause. Jamie says, “How did you get them past the sentries?” and Dougal says, “We just went to the gate and they waved us through.” So Jamie sends Murtagh to get the sentries on duty and it just so happens to be fucking Ross and Kinkaid, the Scottish Highlander version of Mutt and Jeff.

Jamie listens as Dougal explains that these are all true Scots and they’re ready and willing to die for their king. Jamie is unconvinced. So he tells the guys that are kind of mealy mouthed, “Listen, if you’re not here of your own free will then leave. Because if you stay, you’re committing treason and could all hang for it.” so the guys leave, and it’s just Dougal and Jamie alone.

Jamie’s all, “You shouldn’t bring these guys here. I told you to follow orders, which didn’t include pressing other clansmen into service.” but Dougal’s all, “Do you know what’s at stake here? I bring you ten guys and you send them away. What the heck is wrong with you?”


Then Murtagh marches Ross and Kinkaid in, tells them that they’re under arrest, and that they are no longer on sentry duty. Dougal and his men are. And that’s an order.

We now take a break in the recap for Knee Porn.


In the morning, Jamie uses Ross and Kinkaid as a disciplinary message by giving them six lashes each with a belt. man, they got off easy, I usually had ten or more when I screwed up as a kid. And I wasn’t in charge of keeping my family safe, just getting good grades and not fighting with my sister.

13. After the punishment scene, Claire goes total Flashback meltdown while walking past the men firing muskets. Apparently, Tex and Yonkers needed to be taken back to their unit. At night. In a lone jeep. With Claire along for the ride. In a combat zone. Near the staging area of the 12th SS Panzer division..

SIDE NOTE: please excuse the history nerd break. The above information is only speculative, as during operation overlord, I can only make assumptions based on where the British second army was in relation to Claire Randall. I’m guessing that she would be somewhere near the 30th corps in the fighting around Villers Bocage. This was the staging area for much of the SS Panzer division and the PanzerLehr division. During that battle and Montgomery’s attempt to take Caen, the front changed rapidly from day to day. So the jeep that went to far at night thinking they were safe, would indeed have stumbled into an ambush. History nerd break over

So the jeep is shot at by machine gun fire, flips over, and Claire goes out, only to find herself waking up in a ditch with Tex as her only companion and Yonkers screaming out in pain for his mother. He goes off to see what kind of damage he could do, but gets cut down by the machine gun as well, and Claire is left with the horrific cries of dying men while she attempts to shield her ears from them, knowing how helpless she is to end their suffering. In the morning, American soldiers come to her aid, find her in the ditch experiencing her own Saving Private Ryan moment. And then she flashes back to Jamie yelling her name and wondering what’s wrong.

So she tells him, and apparently she blocked it out. Because that’s what you do to painful memories. You just get up the next day like it never happened and wait for a bit when it will come up again, usually at the worst possible time. So he says, “I shouldn’t have brought you here. Go back to Lallybroch.” to which she answers, “Yeah, no. I’m staying with you, ginger. You can’t get rid of me that easy. If I leave, it’ll be like going into that ditch all over, and I can’t leave, knowing that there are people I love dying and with me not being able to do anything about it.” and Jamie’s all, “I’ll never leave you alone again. We’re Team Fraser, remember?” Then the scene fades with our dynamic duo hugging it out.

14. While Jamie is doing his business outside, later on that night we meet Lord John Grey, one of my favorite characters in all the novels. Right now, he’s a sixteen year old with delusions of grandeur. What delusions, you ask? Trying to take down Jamie MacHunkington Fraser, for starters. So the kid gets the jump on him, but he does a judo chop on the kid’s arm and breaks it.

The painful yelling brings out the highlanders in full force and the boy is subdued. Apparently Johnny boy snuck into the camp past the sentries and saw the reprehensible Red Jamie, a traitorous scumbag that is wanted for too many crimes to list here. Jamie wants to know where the English camp is, but the kid is stone faced and so Jamie goes for the torture routine. Apparently this involves a Hot dirk on the side of the whelp’s nose. But then Claire comes in and sees what’s going on and changes the entire torture dynamic to one of the “Damsel in distress” vibe.

Jamie picks up on this, and appealing to the boy’s honorable nature goes to Claire and says, “I’ll ravish this fine English woman right in front of you and then pass her around to my men if you don’t tell us what we want to know.” There’s Claire going along with it, until Jamie gets a little too into the “Ravish the Englishwoman act” and she fights back a bit hard.

Lord John relents, then tells them where the English army is camped. “But they have like a lot of guns, and men, and cannons, and other stuff to kill highlanders with, so I wouldn’t if I were you.” he says. Jamie thanks him and tells the guys to take him back to within a mile of camp and leave him tied to a tree so he can be found.

John is actually pretty cool here. He says, “Dude, I owe you my life. I don’t really like it, you know? But dude, you’ll get a pass from me once. After that, I kill you, so there’s that, yeah?” and Jamie’s all, “Cool, thanks bro! I’m sure that’ll never end up in the plot of any of the future seasons.”

15. So with that done, Jamie says he’ll be punished for the crime of keeping the fires lit, instead of Dougal, and once that’s over with, they’ll go to the English camp and see what havoc they can get into. Dougal wants to go, but he’s once again ordered to stay behind, because he has a job to do. “And what’s that?” Dougal asks. “Stay back here and play sentry and try not to fuck it up again, yeah?” Jamie answers. And with that finished, he takes off his shirt and shows his scars and tells Murtagh to do his worst.

Then it’s off to raid the countryside, and steal the cotter pins from the English cannons. And the wheels. That they’ll burn. Oh, and kill the ONE LONE Sentry that has been tasked with this job because that’s what accounts for superior English planning these days.


16. The boys come back triumphant, ready to Drink whiskey and burn cannon wheels, and Jamie goes up to Claire with the cotter pins from said implements of mass destruction. He’s starting to get randy with her, which she is all into by the way, because Mama Claire isn’t going to pass up a chance to get under the kilt as it were. But instead he says, “Yeah, pack up sugarcakes, we gotta bounce. The English are hot on our tails here, and we have to make like a tree and get the heck out of here.”

“What are you Biff Tannen all the sudden? It’s make like a tree and leave.” she says. “Yeah, that too.”

And then, we see a highly trained highlander army marching under banners and music while Jamie rides on horseback inspecting the troops and seeing that they are indeed fine. They finally get to main Jacobite army and Dougal rides up, all smiles. This is what he’s wanted to begin with. Jamie says, “Go ahead and do the honors and tell Prince Charlie that the army of James Fraser is here.

Dougal’s all, “Damn, right.” and rides off. The rest of the guys are left sitting there getting the pool ready to figure out how many “Mark Mes” it’ll take before Dougal is driven insane and kill the ponce. Next week it’s the battle of Prestonpans. And from what I hear, there’s another box of hankies in our future. Till next week folks, thanks for being patient with me. Work has been a killer this week.

Now here it is, your Jamie Fraser Mooney Eye Pic of the week.



208 The Fox’s Lair

208 The Fox’s Lair

This one is for Marjorie Elaine Pare’, my daughter who turns 26 today. Jenny’s quote is for her.

Oh, Outlander, why do you test me so? You make me love you and then you pull something that makes me go “Whuuuu?” and question our relationship. But it’s okay, because the good times outweigh the bad decisions you sometimes make, so I’ll go along with that. For now. Don’t worry, I can’t quit you. But let’s not talk about this incident ever again, please. And if the fandom doesn’t get word about season 3 pretty soon, there’s going to be riots. Just kidding. We aren’t all as rabid as those Daryl Dixon Walking Dead fans… or are we?

So yes, the show did something that has a lot of people up in arms, and I’ll talk about it in the following recap. How can I not. It’s like the elephant in the room and we HAVE to talk about it. But I have to thank you for doing one thing, and that is toning down the sorrowful moments and giving us the beautiful Scottish countryside we’ve all loved. The kids are back, and we couldn’t be happier. I was really getting tired of seeing Paris green and red and stone. When you take our beloved couple out of nature, it completely changes their entire dynamic for the worse. We get a glimpse of the Power Couple in this episode, one trend I hope continues. But enough blathering, let’s discuss the shark, shall we?

1. We get a stunningly beautiful intro, with toy soldier pieces moving around boards, cars driving up to Lallybroch, a line of English muskets, Claire in a nurse outfit, explosions and war (Which leads me to believe Claire is going to have flashbacks to World War 2) and what I can only assume is a vision of Bree and Roger at a loch, but it also may be Claire and Bree as well. I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough, yeah? All in all it’s a wonderful new intro, probably the best one yet. It’s no Game of Thrones intro, but what the heck, it’s gorgeous. And so is that pic of the running highlanders in kilts, right ladies? Am I right? Look at it!

intro pic

2. We are given a voiceover from our fair damsel Claire about how they’re back in Scotland and we are in Lallybroch. Wee Rabbie MacNabb is digging potatoes. It looks like a bumper crop, and the gang is all there, including a new born that Jenny cranked out in the time between when we last saw her and all the bad stuff that happened to the Dynamic Duo in Wentworth and Paris. Has it been almost a year? I guess so.

Potatoes. Mrs. Crook is wondering what to do with them. Claire and Fergus know what to do with them. Boil them, roast them, put butter on them, mashed, fried, you name it. Potatoes, the miracle vegetable. And apparently something that Scottish highlanders have never heard of, judging by the looks of astonishment and awe on their faces.


SIDE NOTE: Maybe someone can answer me on this, but why the awe over potatoes. Have they never seen or heard of them really? Are there no potatoes in Scotland at all, ever? Surely they must have had them at one point or another. This may be me being ignorant of Scottish cuisine, really. I’m sure one of my intrepid readers can give me some answers this week.

EDIT: From Herself: “Potatoes were not grown in Scotland prior to 1746. You don’t think I do my research? <g> (They were grown commonly in Ireland and were known in England–but not the Highlands of Scotland.)

3. The mail comes in the form of Murtagh and Ian, but they have to wipe their feet off first. Oh, Jenny, you remind me of every one of my sisters. I love you. The post contains a bill for the seeds, and I’m thinking, damn, even back then, they got bills in the mail. Next they’ll get annoying robo calls, harassing Emails, and people actually showing up at the door demanding payment. There’s also a letter from Charles Stuart, which can never be good.

Just when we think that the show is going to be all nice and sunny and great for all, we get pulled back into reality by Ponce Charlie and his quest for the Holy Grail, that being the throne of England. He has signed on several highland clans to a document that pretty much assures that Jamie will be branded a traitor. Again. Jamie’s all, “Fuck my life. He’s forged my signature.” Well, shit. Looks like the Rising is on after all. Despite all the crap the kids had to go through to thwart the damn thing in Paris. Outlander, why can’t you let Jamie and Claire have nice things? Just for a minute? I mean, really? Why do you make them struggle so?

4. Oh, the delicious knee porn on display in this episode. We’ve missed it for the last seven episodes and the year between seasons. Now, we’ve been given two scenes and two instances of kilted highlander knees. (They are kind of knobby tho)

knee porn

Jamie is standing there, just thinking, and his hand is doing that nervous shake and I love the attention to character Sam has at that moment. Claire comes up to him and tries to convince him to leave Scotland. “We could go to Ireland, build a nice home together, keep a few pets, live happily ever after, you know, like people who aren’t in a Diana Gabaldon novel live. Free of conflict, and full of love and happiness.” But Jamie isn’t having any of it. “What about our family here at Lallybroch. What about the tenants? We going to pack them up to? No, we have to fight. But maybe with your knowledge of the Rising, we can win.” and I’m thinking, “You’re so adorable.”

Again, with the change the future thing. I’ll say it again, just so you can all get it. Time. Is. Immutable. It hates to change. And bad things will happen as a result. You know it Claire, you have to! Look what happened in paris! It was a bust, hell, even Jamie says it’s a major disappointment. And you’re still trying to influence it? We all know where this is going. Sigh.

And then he explains that everything that happened is because of her. She prevented the smallpox outbreak in France, she saved Louise’s baby, she saved Thomas Baxter,  and basically channeled Superwoman since she’s been here. So why couldn’t she change it?

they say

5. So they have to pack up and leave Lallybroch. Again. Where are they going, you ask? To see the old Fox, Simon Lovat, Jamie’s Grandsire. A right piece of shit all the way around, from the way Jamie and Jenny talk about him. Apparently, he tried to have their mother Ellen kidnapped before she could marry their father, Brian, who is also a bastard from the Old Fox and a kitchen maid. Claire says she doesn’t care about his father being a bastard.

Then they start kissing, and doing other things, and she says, “Let’s go to bed.” so they start getting hot and heavy and passionate and I’m ready to cue the Barry White music when all of a sudden they fade to black. Outlander, I’m ashamed of you! Just when we are about to see a full on Jamie Claire Horizontal Sheet Fight, you pull a black and white movie trope to keep us spared from it? Why?! You aren’t allowed to fade to black anymore! The fans hate that! Just a few more seconds, or a minute would be all it takes! We don’t skip the lovemaking in the books, why do you have to skip it in the show!?

And no, I’m not a perv, but damn, you’ve got two beautiful people here, show them loving each other! Jesus H Roosevelt Christ! It’s okay though, because after that Claire wakes up and Jamie is gone. So she goes out to see him being too adorable for words.
6. I love when they allow time for the scenes to play out like this. One of the great things about the books are the small scenes of familial love and tenderness. They’re small reminders of why we love these people so much. Interludes that show us that this isn’t all balls to the wall action and adventure. They show us that this is about family, about marriage, about caring between a dynamic set of people.

This is no different. Here’s Jamie talking to the newborn because neither can sleep. He’s speaking Gaelic and touching the child with tender fingers, and it’s at this point all the Ovaries in the world explode. The feels here are off the chart. Even I get choked up, because this reminds me of having my own children in my lap when they were babies. Talking to them, and, well, I’ll let Jenny tell you what its like:


And it’s all true. Every. Damn. Word. Of. It. And every time I watched that scene I choked up, because that’s what being a father of a newborn child is like. It’s frightening as hell, and it’s a feeling I wouldn’t ever have wanted to miss.

7. Wee Fergus. I can’t even with this kid. Every week I don’t think he can get any more adorable, he does something that makes the Cuteometer go to 11. This time he’s riding up on a donkey, showing sincere devotion for his lord, Jamie. I mean, look at this kid!

fergus 2

He wants to come with Jamie to the Rising, to watch his back. All the ladies are against it, but Jamie agrees with the kid. He’s going to have to follow orders from Murtagh though. And the look on Murtagh’s face is wonderful, and I can’t wait to see them in action because this is going to be the newest comedy duo on the show right up there with Angus and Rupert.

8. Then we get a Horse Riding Montage where Claire explains in a voice over about lord Lovat. Apparently, he’s not so nice a guy, a minor villain so to speak. He has several bastard kids from wives and lovers over the years. Basically the Walder Frey of Scotland, but without all that stabby killy Red Wedding stuff in his past. He’s a scoundrel, but a lovable one, actually.

Then, they get there and they go past a clearly irate guard who posted the shit detail because he looks at the two like he’s got a bug up his kilt. They go into the castle of the Old Fox and guess who shows his face. None other than Colum MacKenzie, Laird of the MacKenzie clan. Yeah, that guy. You know, the one who told Ned to stay away from the witch trial, the one that did absolutely nothing to stop the people in Crainsmuir from wanting to put Claire on a pyre and burn her like a well done steak on the grill? Yeah. Him.

And he’s all, “What are you guys doing here?” and they’re asking him the same thing. Claire’s all standoffish because of the whole witch trial thing, and he tries to lie and say he had nothing to do with that. “Wrong place, wrong time, honeybunch.” is basically his response. “Where’s Dougal, I thought he was war chief.” says Claire.


Then the man of the episode shows up, Lord Lovat. And instantly I love him. He comes in wearing just pants and a shirt and giving no fucks. He instantly starts throwing shade by saying, “So, My grandson has married a Sassenach. Thought he would do better than his bastard father.” Jamie’s cool though, and is having none of it, “Well, at least I didn’t get a wife by means of trickery or rape.” and Lovat’s feeling the burn. Then, he’s all “Oka, enough small talk. I have to have a private chat with my grandson, and my rival. That means no women.”

gtfo meme

9. This is the point where fans all over the world said, “Oh fuck you, Outlander!” yep, this is truly a diversion that has made the fandom go crazy in the past few days. Legwhore is back. And for no good reason either. Weeks ago when it was first announced that Diana Gabaldon said something about “Jumping the Shark” moment on Outlander, the fandom went crazy. This was taken to mean that something that never happened in the books was going to be introduced and mess things up in a big way.

whuuu meme

And this is what she meant. Leoghaire Mackenzie shows her twisted little evil face again in this episode. We found out earlier that she had been whipped by Colum and was going to be sent to a convent but Mrs. Fitz appealed to him to keep her around. So she joined his “Go try to talk sense into Lovat” party and there she is. Now I’m all for changing things up in the books for the screen adaptation and I’m not going to go all book purist on you here but there is one thing that is fundamentally wrong here. She. Was. Never. In. DIA. At. All.

So yes, I think I will get book purist after all. Please excuse me. What. The. Actual. Fuck, Outlander?! Now you’ve written yourselves into a hole that you may not be able to write yourself out of. It makes no sense to bring her in now, even at all, when we know what happens in season 3, if there is one. Basically, there’s a major even involving Jamie and Leoghaire and Claire that I don’t want to spoil for those who haven’t read that book. In the first book, Claire only thought Leoghaire was a nuisance and was never really a major villain like she was in the show. Jamie didn’t know about the reason behind the witch trial in the books at that time so had a more sympathetic view of the lass in Voyager.

But now all that’s ruined! Because Claire tells Jamie all about Legwhore’s involvement in the trial and all the mean nasty things she said to Claire during the whole thing. So there’s going to be a huge leap of disbelief on the part of the fans when events unfold in season 3. We’ll see. Book Purist Rant over. (And I promised I wouldn’t do that. I really did. I’m sorry. It was just a big enough thing to air my feelings about that’s all.)

Okay, so putting aside my disappointment about that, let’s get back to it. Claire’s upset to see Legwhore there, and Leggie’s all, “Please forgive me, I’ve turned over a new leaf, and really, I just want to be besties again, please?” and Claire is having none of it. “I’m going to stop you right there, because I seem to remember you yelling all kinds of mean things at me during a trial at which you accused me of being a witch. Something about dancing on ashes and stealing your future husband (Which I hope never comes to pass, because there’ll be hell to pay, and no mistake) and cursing you and whatnot? And now you want forgiveness? Let me tell you something honeycakes. You are never going to get Jamie MacHunkington Fraser, not in a million years. He will never hold you in those strong arms of his and mix up your insides like a jackhammer. That knee porn is all mine, kitten, so back the ever-loving fuck off!”

Then later on in the bedroom, Claire does say that she’s feeling better, that a load has been lifted. Jamie wouldn’t have been very forgiving of the wee besom. Now, it’s off to dinner.

fcuk it up meme

10. Dinner at the Lovat’s is full of political talk. Jamie starts by telling the crowd that the British are scumbags and they pretty much need to rise up because the shit is on after Poncey outted the whole Rising thing again. During the feast, Claire notices young Simon looking at Legwhore in a family way. He eventually stands up and says, “The crown has offered 30,000 crowns for the head of prince “Mark Me” Charles, so there’s that, yeah?” and his dad shuts him down by saying, “Dude, sit the fuck down and drink your milk. That’s not enough of an incentive to back the guy, especially when there are so many that would sell their own grandmothers for half the reward any day of the week.”

So the kid is crestfallen, and he’s kind of a dweeb anyway. Well, with that, Lovat’s had enough of politics anyway. He’s basically declaring neutrality in the coming conflict. There’s nothing that would make him join a lost cause. And then we see Colum getting his smug face on. Because apparently he thinks he’s won the battle of favor against Jamie.

11. Back in the room, Claire and Jamie talk about Colum, and it’s more politics, which this season has been all about. Which is another reason I’ve only read this a couple of times. Their conversation breaks down like this: “Lovat didn’t say no to the possibility of joining the Rising. There’s been a few in the past and Colum doesn’t want to join this one. So he’s hoping to convince Lovat that neutrality is the best option. But Lovat doesn’t trust Colum, so there’s hope yet. I get the sense he wants something from me. I’ll have to talk to him myself. Oh, and young Simon seemed to want to join me, but he’s spineless and won’t stand up to his father.”

“What do you think he wants?” Claire asks. “I dinna ken, we’ll see. I hope it’s not a big house with stables and all kinds of tenants and livestock tho.” he answers.

12. In a corridor, later that night, Lovat throws his personal seer Maisrie out into the hall and is apparently pissed because she isn’t telling him something. The woman introduces herself and then runs away, refusing Claire’s help.

In the Lovat study, later on, Jamie and Lord Lovat talk about the Rising. It doesn’t start out too well for Jamie, because Lovat is still pissed off about his son marrying that “Mackenzie whore” Well, obviously, Jamie will have none of it and tells his Grandsire to basically “Keep his mouth shut when talking about his mother.” and when Jamie Fraser has his dander up, you had best be sure to follow his wishes.

Talk then goes to Lovat being upset that Brian Fraser wanted to stay at Lallybroch, against his father’s wishes. And also questions Jamie about loyalty to Colum. Lovat wants Jamie to swear fealty to him and also Lallybroch. But “What I do with that damnable place has nothing to do with you.” he says, when Jamie asks him what he needs with the extra tenants and land. Then Jamie goes on to tell him, Hey, it might not even belong to you at all. How many times did Brian’s mother, a housemaid, get around with other guys? Yeah, asshole. Two can play at that “Your mother’s a hoor” game.”

Then Lovat raises the stakes, after Jamie swears his fealty as long as he’s on Lovat soil. “No lad, ye didna hear me. Either Lallybroch, or your wife’s honor.” Jamie has the best line here, “Try to ravish my wife, and I’ll send in the chambermaid to wipe up your remains.” Best line EVAH! Then he goes on to say “She’s a witch, La Dame Blanche, and she’ll twist your cock and insides to a point where you can’t do anything but what she says. Oh, and you’ll die and go straight to hell, and all kinds of horrible things you superstitious people believe. Oh and she can tell the future, so there’s that yeah?” and then he picks up the bottle of liquor Lovat was drinking and hurls it into the fire for dramatic effect, as if the whole, “My wife is a demon spawned succubus” act didn’t work.

13. Back in their room, Jamie and Claire hatch a scheme to use Young Simon to convince his father to join the rebellion. But after the whole, “Sit down you namby pamby wee smirt” incident at dinner the night before, there’s hardly a way to do that. But then Claire says, “Well, he did seem enamored of a certain scheming hoor who’s name is synonymous with “Wicked witch of the West”.

So this is the purpose of Legwhore in this episode. To be a pawn in the “Let’s stop the Rising” game being played with mixed results by the Fraser Duo. So Claire goes out to the courtyard where Legwhore is putting up clothes, and smelling Jamie’s shirt. (Don’t hate, you’d do it too)


Claire says, “Listen, there’s something you can do to get into our good graces. Try to seduce young Simon and tell him what you think about guys who are forceful with their fathers and stand up for themselves.” and Leoghaire is all, “I’m not giving up my maidenhead, what do you take me for, a hoor?” and Claire’s all, “Well, there was that one time… by a river, I believe? But that’s beside the point. Just do this and Jamie will like you again and I’ll tolerate you, much like an ill tempered dog tolerates a kitty it wants to eat but can’t seem to stomach it’s fur.”

14. Meanwhile Jamie is in a private discussion with Colum, who insists they can’t win the war against England, it’s been tried before, and without any help from France or anywhere else, there’s no way it can be won now. Don’t give up Lallybroch for some fool idealistic crusade. Jamie says, “Okay, I’ll do as you wish. I know all this sounds crazy, I can scarce believe it myself, but I have an ace in the hole so we’re going to make a go at changing the future.”

He leaves, leaving Colum smiling and sitting on a bench in the dining hall by himself, satisfied he’s talked some sense into the boy.

15. Claire and young Simon are walking down the lane holding hands and chatting about his father when lo and behold, there’s Leery Mack. She’s all, “Hey…” and he’s all, “What’s up?” and Claire’s all, “Imma bounce over to this chapel, you two chat a bit.” and she leaves, hoping that Legwhore will be up to the task of changing this boy overnight from a mealy mouthed wee smirt to an actual backbone possessing human male with high testosterone and vigor that will stand up to poppa Lovat.

Then he starts reciting poetry… dude, really? Okay, I’m going to give up a guy code here, because it’s in the book. We discussed this at all the meetings! Rule 16 in the subsection How To Make Introduction To Women and Keep Her Interested says this: “Thou shalt not use poetry in order to stir her feelings. This will not work. It has been tried by book nerds the world over and throughout history and it has failed every time. Thomas Wolf will not get her to like you. You will only bore her and make her look toward another guy who is probably doing squats in the gym and drinking wiskey straight from the bottle and wearing a beard. Shakespeare is right out! Do not quote sonnets, or monologues from plays, or any of that rubbish! Doing any of the above will put you locked squarely in the Friend Zone, an abyss from which you shall never escape.”

So He starts with a poem about “Rocking her like a hurricane” and she says, “Come sit by me, let’s chat about manly men and how you can become one.” and he finally shuts up enough to sit next to her and share an awkward silence.

16. Maisrie and Claire are in the chapel together, because that’s where seers and witches go to stop hearing the demonic voices going through their head. Maisrie tells Claire about the vision she had with Lovat. She wouldn’t tell the man what she saw, because she would have been beaten, or worse.

Claire asks if she really is a seer, and Maisrie says, “Och, aye, I once saw a vision of a kid drowning, so I told the father. He broke the boat, there was a big stramash and a right to do, but then a few weeks later a storm came, three men drowned but that kid was still alive, so I guess I am a seer, yeah?” or something like that. Sometimes when these characters talk their words are garbled and I can’t understand them even after a few viewings. Sir MumblesALot comes to mind. Anyway, Claire hears Legwhore from out of the chapel and rushed to see what’s the matter.

17. You gotta give it to a girl, she tried, but it didn’t go over well. Apparently Young Simon didn’t follow Rule 16 of the guy code and still tried to recite poetry to the lass. She tried to get a word in edgewise about how to be a Tormund Giantsbane and be a really manly man, and he ran off after she gave him a keek down her dress.

one job

Later, Jamie and Claire discuss the seeming failure of Legwhore to convince the boy to stand up to his father, and Jamie says, “Well, you could always tell him you’re a time traveler, yeah?” and Claire looks at him like, “WTF, I kept it a secret, and now I have to tell everyone?”

18. Later, at the Hall of Lovat, the clan is all there, ready for the Old Fox to make his decision. He has two papers drawn up for legal reason. One, a deed of sassine to Lallybroch, which if Jamie signs, will mean Lallybroch is his and he goes off to war. The other is a neutrality pact with the MacKenzie clan, saying he will stay out of the coming conflict. One way or the other, he comes out of this smelling like a rose, and much richer as a result. He’ll be able to keep everything if the Jacobites lose. And he’ll be able to keep everything if the Jacobites win. Yep, a sly old fox.

But before anyone can do anything, Claire GlassFace Fraser starts doing an “I see a vision” act. Colum isn’t buying it, but Lovat is all, “What do you see?” and Claire answers, “I see you in a patch of flowers with a man behind you with an axe across your face!” and Lovat is all scared of her because of the whole, “Jamie’s wife is a witch” thing. He asks her, “What else do you see?” and she’s all, “The roses all over the ground!” which is a symbol of the Jacobites.

Well, Lovat ain’t having no visions on his land so he starts to pull a dirk and stab Claire when all of a sudden, young Simon remembers Rule 16 and jumps up to save his father from murdering Claire. And Legwhore looks at him like, “Finally the kid gets what I was trying to say. There may be hope for the wee smirt yet.” Young Simon says, “IF you’re too scared to join the rising, then I will for Clan Lovat.”

“Well, lad, if you want to go off to war, I won’t stop you. Have at it.” and then he goes over and signs the neutrality pact with Colum. Then he shares a toast with Colum and that’s all settled and done.

19. In a rainy courtyard, because it always rains in Scotland apparently, everyone is all set to move out to the rendezvous point with Murtagh and the rest of the men There’s Colum looking all victorious, but sad because Jamie’s marching off to war. The two men share a few heartwarming moments and Jamie helps the old man up into his carriage.

Claire asks Jamie to do one last thing, go say thank you to Legwhore. “Why on earth should I do that?” he asks. And she’s all, “Just do it, I’ll tell you later.” So Jamie goes over to say thanks to Leoghaire.

as if

20. Claire and Jamie are riding out with Young Simon and are stopped by a large group of guys. That’s when I think, “Oh, dammit, we’re going to have the old man betray them after all. Here’s the Outlander version of the Red Wedding.” It turns out they’re Lovat’s men. The Old Fox comes down and says to his son, “You can’t so much ride off to war without some soldiers then, yeah?”

Jamie says, “Wait, what about the neutrality pact, and all that?” Well, Lovat possesses some cunning after all. Basically, it comes down like this. He’s signed the neutrality pact to stay here, but he can’t stop his son from marching off to war with his men, so he’s safe all the way around. If the Jacobites win, or if the English win, he’s off the executioner’s block.

“I know you got your devious mind from somewhere,” Claire says. And Jamie’s all, “Well, you possess one as well, Sassenach. So I guess we’re even on that front, yeah?” And the two of them, along with Lovat’s army go marching off into the twisting and turning road to war.

Now here it is, your Jamie Fraser Mooney eye Pic of the week.


207 Faith

207 Faith


I. Can’t. Even. With this episode. Gut wrenching, heart wrenching, thunder punch on a level of a Chuck Norris round house kick to the heart.


So thanks for that, Ron & Co. Thanks a bunch. But I did have one small gripe before the show aired, and that is with the opening warning. I don’t remember there being anything but Mary’s rape in the book, and when I saw the episode warnings I thought, Rape again? This is getting a little too frequent, folks. But there was something in the back of my mind that said, “Trust the producers. It’s going to be handled correctly. Dinna fash.” so I just went along and let the show tell me the story. And they did fine, if you were talking about the Fergus/Randall scene. If you were talking about raping our emotions, well you did that all in one go. And I think the rest of the fandom will agree. We needed a lot of these:


Because when you have to watch an episode of Outlander, choose the very best. Kleenex brand tissues, a Kimberly Clark company.

1. Am I the only one who noticed that this is the first episode in this show’s history to go from the opening card right into the scene that follows it? We see the opening of books splayed on a table, and then we see a picture of a Blue Heron. And then we get a glimpse of young Bree. She’s asking her mother what that bird is, and Claire answers, “It’s a Heron.” Bree wants to know if she’s ever seen one, and Claire answers, “Yes, in Scotland.”

claire bree

By the way, you can also see blue herons on the Eastern Shore of Virginia, and yes, they are beautiful. If you’re traveling through Virginia, do yourself a favor and go visit that part of the state. It really is a charming and beautiful place. This message brought to you from the folks at the Eastern Shore of Virginia Board of Tourism.

2. Tissue Count: 2 already. When last we left our intrepid heroine, she was being rushed to the Hospitale because she was experiencing premature labor, and not in a good way. We start this episode with Claire on the operating table with Mr. Forez doing surgery to get her child out of the womb. Claire is obviously in shock, and can’t even process what is going on at all. Mother Hildegarde and the nuns are trying to keep her calm. And I noticed the Executioner at one point give her the stink eye. Really dude? You’re judging this woman when last week you were talking about tearing a guy’s still beating heart out of his chest? You’re in a house of God, I believe the book of that house says Judge not lest you be judged also in the eyes of the Lord? Why don’t you do your damn job and save this woman’s life. Thanks.

The scene ends with Claire spread eagle staring up into space while the camera pans away from her face and into the sky. And there is a tremendous amount of blood here. What the hell, Ron, you couldn’t go easy on the gore here? Had to show everything didn’t you.

3. Tissue count 4 by the end of this scene. Claire is in bed, a few days later. She is demanding to know where the baby is, and by demanding, I mean causing a fit of epic proportions. Mother Hildegarde tells her not to worry, that her child has “Joined the angels.” This is not what Mama Claire wants to hear at all.

She goes through about seven stages of grief in less than a minute, and I gotta hand it to Caitriona here. To all of those who say she’s not a good actor, let me tell you, she hit the nail on this one. Wow! If she doesn’t get any kind of noms or awards for this show, I think we as fans will riot. I mean, look at this face

this face

And tell me that’s not actual real grief, panic, and tragedy. She keeps yelling, “Where is my baby, I want my baby!” while Mother Hildegarde is trying to calm her down. Sister Angelique (nice name there) says, “The Virgin Mary had a child who died as well.” I’m thinking, “You’re not helping, sister.”


In the ensuing struggle, the Virgin Mary statue falls to the ground, and breaks apart like so many pieces of Claire’s heart at the realization her child is gone. Along with a piece of her soul as well.

3. Tissue Count: 5. Claire is still sick from the operation, but lucid enough to have a few questions for Mother Hildegarde. I will say this: If I were ever in a hospital, I would want Mother Hildegarde to be my nurse. She shows such a marvelous quality of love and caring in this episode, I almost want to join the Catholic Church.

She tells Claire that the baby is buried in the church grounds, and that she gave the baby a name and baptized her. “Faith.” she says. Claire asks about Jamie, and Mother Hildegarde says “We can’t find him, there’s been no word. And then a priest comes in and Mother Hildy explains that She needs to confess her sins to the man. “My sins are all I have left,” Claire says, staring into the sky, with a bleak expression on her face.

4. Master Raymond. I love him. Even when I first read the book, I thought he was cool. When Herself said she was going to write a big novel about him I was ecstatic. I’m one of those people who loves to read about all the background characters in a series, just to know what their story is. And his is the most interesting of all the secondary PCs in the book. And yes, I’ve read “The Space Between” but dammit, I want more! And if you haven’t read that novella, do so. It explains a lot.

Master Raymond comes in and shoos Bouton away for a moment. This has got to be the smartest dog in TV history. Excepting Lassie of course. That fucker was smart! I mean, how he found Timmy in the well and told people about it all the time was amazing. Raymond puts his hands on her and asks her what she sees.


In a voiceover, we find out that part of her placenta has been left in the womb, and that she is feverish because of the bacteria. She feels the color blue of healing blaze a white hot trail through her body, and he finishes what the good doctor started, while Claire yells out the only name she can think of, “Jamie!” and then collapses back, the relief of being made whole evident on her face.

Raymond hides because Sister Angelique shows up, sees that Claire is alright, and runs to fetch Mother Hildegarde. Raymond explains that he has to go, “The king wants blood now, and I gotta get out of town.” Claire’s all, “You shouldn’t have come here then. It’s very dangerous.” and Raymond’s all, “It’s what you do for your friends, ain’t nuttin’ but a thang baby girl. We’ll catch each other on the flip side.”

“Why are you talking Jive?” she asks. “I gotta go to the 70’s, I’m practicing my slang.” he winks, before running away prior to Mother Hildy’s entrance.

5. Mother Hildegarde finally gets to explain what happened to Jamie and Jack Randall. “Basically, Jamie got arrested because Duelling is a serious crime apparently. Jack Randall is alive, but badly wounded in the groin area. He’s back in England. Jamie’s in the Bastille, for an indeterminate amount of time, Murtagh is out doing his Murtagh thing, and you‘re here. Pretty much a low point in the story, yeah?”

“So the cat with nine lives is alive. Figured. Will nothing kill this guy?” Claire says. And the rest of the audience is like, Duh, yeah!

SIDE NOTE: It was at this point in the books I kept asking my sister “Does this guy ever die? I mean, how long is this guy going to keep going and trying to destroy every fucking aspect of these people’s lives? Tell me he gets thrown into a volcano or something, that Jamie cracks his neck, or pummels him to death or something! I WANT BLOODY REVENGE! AND AFTER ALL THIS PAIN HE’S CAUSED I WANT TO READ IT IN GORY DETAIL! All she would say is, “Keep reading, you’ll see. He gets his, don’t worry.”

And I did keep reading, because when you pick up an Outlander novel, how can you stop, am I right?

This is where we see Angry Claire. “He promised me one year, but his thrist for revenge made him break his promise and it cost him his freedom, my love, and his baby. One fucking year, and he couldn’t keep from trying to stick a sword in the guy’s face?” Mother Hildegarde says, “Tread your sins underfoot and hurl iniquities into the sea.”

“I don’t think this is sea deep enough,” Claire answers. And she has a right to be pissed off. She asked him to keep away from Randall for a year, and in her mind he couldn’t keep that promise so he may as well stabbed her in the heart too.

6. Tissue count: 8. This next scene really did it for me, and it’s probably one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole episode. Fergus comes with blue flowers (I’m noticing a trend here) to bring Claire home to Chateau Fraser. Claire has been in the hospital for weeks, just sitting there doing nothing apparently. Stewing in her anger with Jamie perhaps?

She gets out of the carriage, and there’s this excellent sad music going on. That’s part of why I’ve got tears rolling down my cheeks. And when Suzette comes up to her with tears in her eyes, and they look at each other without saying any words. We see how sorry suzette is for Claire and how the two have bonded. Because you know, Suzette wanted to see a baby around the house. She would have been the best baby sitter ever!

Then we get to Magnus, and it’s about this point I’m lost. He is so stoic. And she looks at him and he tries to bow, but she stops him. She bows to him, because this is the guy who saved her life so many weeks ago by taking her to the Hospitale. And they don’t need any words because everything is said with the eyes. The unbearable sadness, once again, permeates this scene. Just writing this makes me think back and I get choked up.

7. Fergus is beautiful. This. So much this.

This is in the top 5 of the most beautiful images from this episode. I love this kid.


They’re sitting in front of the fireplace, and Fergus brushing her hair is just an unbelievable gift of kindness. Roman Pollux just kills it in this series. They found the perfect Fergus. And once again, Kudos to the Casting people because this kid just jumps off the page for me. God, he’s so cute, and charming, and good. Sure, he’s a pickpocket, but he absolutely adores Claire and you can see it in every scene, how much he looks up to her and loves her. And how could you not, am I right?

She stops him, says she’s tired and as he goes to leave he walks by a cabinet where he looks down and sees perfume bottles arrayed. I thought at first it was poison and he looked up at her with such foreboding I’m thinking, “Uh oh, please tell me this isn’t the ‘Jump the Shark’ moment and Claire poisons herself. Because that would piss off the entire audience and we would all lose faith in the show.”

But it’s okay, because we see a few minutes later how it all works out. She gets up, goes over to the box with the Apostle Spoons in it. Then she picks one up, puts it don again, gets pissed all over again and kicks the whole box under the bed. She still can’t get over the whole “Jamie Betrayed Me” thing. Then storms out of the room and down the hall crying.

That’s when she hears crying coming from down the hall, and goes to investigate. She finds Fergus curled up in a ball, dreaming about something horrible that has happened. And she calms him down enough to find out what he’s upset about. And this is when we as an audience are about to get seething white hot with anger. Because what follows would piss off anyone who possesses a smidgen of compassion for children. Except Jack Randall, of course, because that guy’s a rapey douchebag.

8. Wherein we find out what really happened that day Jamie tried to kill Randall in a duel. I’m not going to go into graphic detail here, because the show already did that. Basically, the day of the duel, Fergus went around looking for things to give Claire, as a present because, you know, Lurve. He wandered into Jack Randall’s room and saw the perfume, which he was happily in the middle of purloining, when the door shut behind him and Randall proceeded to do things I don’t even want to mention to poor Fergus.

In the ensuing traumatic event, Jamie heard Fergus crying for help and came running. That’s when eh found Randall doing unmentionable things to the kid.

the look

Well, as we all know by now, there’s no stopping a red headed Scot who is angered beyond belief and goes full steam ahead with an E ticket on the Revenge Train. Of course he’s going to challenge the man to a duel. He isn’t thinking about anything other than killing this guy, and I don’t say I blame him. And neither does Claire at this point. Fergus is ashamed and sorry his actions led to this point, but she forgives the endearing little scamp and says, “Okay, I get it now.”

9. So it’s off to Mother Hildegarde to ask for the King’s pardon. Mother Hildegarde has an in with the king, and asks “What prompted the change?” So Claire goes on to say that she understood why Jamie did what he did, and she was wrong for being mad before finding out all the details. “So you finally found your deep enough sea, yeah?” and Claire says, “He’s my baby daddy, I’ll get over it eventually.”

lie king

10. Thanks Outlander for my new desktop screen. The carriage ride to the palace court scene is cool. And I know it’s mostly CGI and special effects, but it’s still cool looking nonetheless. Claire is ushered through hall after hall of books. And it’s at this point I’m not even looking at her in the beautiful green boob enhancing dress. I’m enamored by shelf after shelf of marvelous book porn. I don’t care who you are, if you love books like me, you could get lost in this place the rest of your life.

She gets escorted into the king’s bedchamber and he’s all like, “Hey…” and she’s all, “Yeah, can we get this over with already? It’s been weeks since I’ve seen Jamie, and momma misses poppa if you know what I mean.” He offers her an orange from one of his twelve orchards, and hot chocolate from New Spain. And I’m thinking “Where is that? Is it like a New Mexico thing? I thought it was just Spain. But oh well, I digress. She takes his gifts, puts the orange down on the table, and he kisses her hands, noticing she is wearing both rings.

get around

He’s all smarmy and doing his pretty boy thing and she isn’t buying any of it. She just wants to get this whole transaction over with. She asks about getting Jamie out of the Bastille, and he says, “Dueling is a serious offense. But perhaps you can do something for me first.” Claire’s all, “Well, I was warned, let’s get it on with, aye?” but he’s all, “No, I want you to go through the motions in a mock trial against a couple of practitioners of the dark arts.” Claire is all, “What am I Professor McGonagall all of a sudden?”

So they file into a secret passage and into what has been dubbed “The Star Chamber.” As she is going in, she sees the Royal Guards, and I have to say, these guys are killing it with the outfits.


11. Mister Forez, the royal Executioner is there, and they bring out the suspects in the case. Master Raymond and Le Comte St. Germaine. They have both been accused of practicing the dark arts of sorcery, and their home and business have been ransacked for evidence of their misdeeds, which is on display for her to see. The king asks La Dame Blanche to look into their hearts and see if they are guilty.

She shares a look with Raymond that says, “We’re cool, daddy-o. dinna fash it, you’re straight with me.” and then goes to the Comte. “You on the other hand…” then proceeds to give him up.

“I sense a shadow behind his eyes,” she says to the king. Then he proceeds to give himself up. Because let’s face it, he’s an arrogant wee smirt, and he’s not about to let this woman tell him what to do. She then goes on to say, “He poisoned me.” and he’s all, “The only reason I poisoned you is because you had my ship burned. That cost me a lot of money, of course I’m going to have my revenge!”

And that about sews it up for the good Comte. But the king isn’t done yet. He has his people bring out a snake and says, “I’ll have this snake bite the both of them and if they survive, I’ll let them go free.” But Claire says, “Wait, I’ll give you one better. I’ll make a poison from the ingredients here. Then give it to them, and if they survive you let them go.” and the king is all, “Works for me. Go for it.”

So Claire mixes up the bitter cascara potion and takes it to the men. First she gives it to Master Raymond. She still thinks she’s doing right by the two guys. She doesn’t want harm to come to either one of them. Yes, even Le Petrole is going to get a pardon from Mama Claire. She really doesn’t want any blood on her hands, and she knows he’s guilty of something, but not sorcery of all things. Poison, rape, murder, robbery, and any number of things, but practicing the dark arts? Innocent.

Well, Raymond takes the potion, and gags, and almost vomits, and goes through all the motions of making the king think he is dying, when all of a sudden he bends over, does a flick of the wrist, and then comes back up, all better now. But the same can’t be said for St. Germaine. Because her Necklace of Poison detection goes black. And he sees it.

So he hems and haws before taking the cup. He’s all, “Witch, you’re lying with the spawn of the devil, you’re a time traveling, future changing whore who sucks the”

get on with it

So he drinks the cup and has an outrageous death scene that seems to be the only comic relief we have in this episode. It’s full of buggy eyes, gasping breath and a bit of spittle at the end followed by a “huuurgghhh” in his last breath. I’m not saying it’s over acting, but yeah, it kinda is in a way.

SIDE NOTE: So that’s it for Le Comte St. Germaine, huh? I don’t know, he kind of fell flat as a villain for me. I guess in the book he was worse, and there’s a part of me that wants to see him in a future season, or a future book, if it comes to that. Seems to me his potential as a supervillain was wasted with all the other plot details. When I first heard he had been cast, I was hoping for more. All he ever did was poison Claire that one time and look menacing at other times. What was promised was this behind the scenes Machiavellian bad guy and all we got was akin to a six grade school yard bully that stared at you all the time. Oh well, just a nitpick. I’ll miss the guy.

So that’s it. Trial’s over. Raymond is told by the King, “Now, you leave town tonight. And when you gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your France privileges. Deal?”

Raymond says, “Deal.” and is led away by the masked guards. Claire’s all, “So that’s it, yeah? We’re done?” and Louis says, “Well, there is one other thing.”

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, I thought you’d forget that part.” she says. “Well, best get it on with, aye?” So they go back into his chamber and he proceeds with the transaction. He puts her on the bed quickly, and she’s laying there and all of a sudden he is between her legs and one and two and done. She’s got that look many expectant women have when their partner finishes the act of coitus before them. Like “That’s it?” and I’m like, wait a minute, I’ve seen that look before.

that was it

So he gets up, says, “Thanks for that. I’ll arrange a pardon for you husband right away, for both his crimes here and in England. So he’s a free man.” and she’s cool with that. And as she’s leaving, she picks up the orange as a consolation prize. “I’ll be taking this fruit, thankyouverymuch!” then does the walk of shame through the book porn again.

12. Tissue count: 12 (Its safe to say that my eyes haven’t been dry this entire episode) Speaking of walk of shame, Jamie is seen walking up the steps to a waiting angry woman. And he’s taking his damn sweet time of it too, because every kid and more than a few husbands have come home from doing bad things to an angry woman at the top of the steps. And he knows it too, because the stern look she gives him that could turn a volcano to ice.

“I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl,” he says. And I’m thinking, “Did no one get to him to tell him what’s happening during all this time? No note from Fergus? No idea from the king?” and she tells him it was a girl, and Mother Hildegarde named her Faith. Then she goes on to describe the moments after the birth, and how she was given a chance to hold her baby. And what it looked like, with whisps of copper hair, and how she sang to it.

And it’s at this point I’m totally fucking over it with this episode. She sings a whimsical song her mother used to sing and tears are draining out of her eyes, and you feel the loss and sadness and unimaginable grief all in that one moment. Caitriona Balfe, this is your Emmy Reel. And if you don’t get one, there’s going to be hell to pay from the Outlander Fandom because, girl, you rock this. I’ve known women who have lost babies and they can testify, when this happens you lose a piece of your soul and you never get it back.

Louise comes to see Claire in the hospital, and comforts her when she won’t give up the baby. “It’s okay, she’s in a better place now.” It’s such a beautiful scene with the two women, because Louise, despite her failings sometimes, knows what motherhood is now, and shows the true bonding of womanhood to Claire. It’s also the point where I know this is going to be the most talked about, best episode of the show’s run until season 3 with “A. Malcolm. Printer”.

So we’re back from the memory, and she goes on to explain, “So yes, I was angry with you, and I didn’t want to forgive you, but when I found out what happened I got angry with myself because everything is my fault. I put Frank before our Marriage, and I thought I was doing right, so please forgive me.”

And he says, “I’ve already forgiven you for everything you could have ever done.” and I’m thinking, “Fuck you Jamie Moony Eye Fraser! Why do you have to be the most perfect hero in fiction? Could you have one fucking flaw beside that mole on your cheek? Dammit!”

So at the end of it, they decide they’re going to go back to Scotland. “Yeah, we’ve fucked up the time stream well enough here, why not go back to the place it all began and try to mess it up there too. Oh, and speaking of fucking, I kind of did that to the King too. So there‘s that, yeah?” She says. And he’s cool with it here, which is a departure from the books because at this point the goes absolutely ape shit with that knowledge until he figures out why she did it and how there was no choice in the matter. It’s a burden they’re going to have to just live with. So he says, “Alright, we’ll go back to Scotland, but there’s something I have to do first.”

13. Tissue Count: The whole damn box already. A freshly shaved and manicured Jamie Fraser and Claire look down on the stone bearing the name of their baby. “Faith.” and I have no words. Mournful music is playing, and Jamie pulls out a spoon and says, “If we can’t take you home, we’ll leave a bit of Scotland with you.” and I am so done at this point, I don’t think I have any more tears to give this episode. I really don’t. I know it’s just a show, but Dammit, the feels! So he lays the spoon of St. Andrew on the grave, and then the camera pulls up with them holding hands, and thank God there’s the credits!

SIDE NOTE: the music in this episode was gorgeous. Bear Macreary does such a wonderful job drawing the emotion out of each scene. This dude is a virtuoso in any tv show he gets hired to score. Walking Dead, Black Sails, and now Outlander. He NEEDS some kind of award for this episode alone.

Now here it is, your Jamie Mooney eye pic of the week.

“I’m trying to rock that Tormund Giantsbane look here. How am I doing, Sassenach?